Hello August 2026....

 

I know it probably won't happen, but I really need a good month.  It's going to be hot.  Both my roomie & I have appointments, so it's going to be busy.   But, I've been dreading this month.  I've had so much apprehension about it.  I hope I'm wrong.

This is the last month of my birth year & it wasn't a good trip around the sun.  This is the last bit of my 50s & they've mostly sucked.  September will get here & turn the wheel.  Somehow it's never to a better page or something not out to bring me harm.  

People who think life is wonderful & worth living make  me wonder.  What is so different about them, that they got a life that let them feel that way about it & I got this mess.  Was it a roll of the dice, perspective, did I do something wrong...?  

So August please don't suck.  I've had enough trials.  I've used most of what I have just to get this far.  I'm tapped & exhausted.  If it can't be decent, just let it end.  I don't have any fight left.

Hello August, please be a good month.

Cya..

It's Been A Bit...

 

It's sort of a red letter day.  I actually woke up well this morning.  I slept well & didn't wake up achy or dehydrated.   I woke easily & there were no cortisol jolts.  It's reasonably bright outside.  I managed to get my morning things done & not feel wiped out.  It's been quite a while, since I actually had a decent morning.

There's going to be more off weather this week, but at least I got this.  Maybe I can make it hold for a bit.  I need to feel better for a while.

Most of the articles were about research projects a ways off or being impacted by cuts.  I have no plans for today.  Hopefully, that holds.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Hopefully Nothing...

 

All I want from today is nothing.  August hasn't been easy on me or mine.  We've had a ton of crap to handle, the weather's been rough & half of it we've spent sick or on the verge of being ill.   So, it'd be nice if today was actually just a complete nothing day.  Thursday could've been like this, but neither of us a good morning, then the lawn guy came & mowed.  Then I needed to handle some yard stuff.  So that day was blown.

Here's hoping the nothing holds for today.

Cya...

PS - Labs are back & look fine for me.

It's Done...

 

The screening happened, that was the easy part.  I went in & they got me ready.   After a bit, I was out & then in the recovery room.  It went well, no issues, no polyps.  

I still feel a bit out of it, but hopefully that will get better in a bit.  I need more to eat & drink.  I'm glad I don't even have to think about that again for 10 years.

That's about it here.  Although it did manage to cool down some. Take care.

Cya...

Oh Well...

 

I didn't have high hopes for anything, but I thought maybe I could get a single good day to start the month.  I'm not sure why I had such expectations, I don't get those things anymore.  November started off with carry over BS, things breaking, needs for my attention to do things & people in poor, snappy moods.  

I just needed a day without crap, especially new crap, even if it was potentially a good thing.  I just needed a day.  I'm back to dreading mornings.  I have no idea what's lurking out there.  What's going to break, need something or snap.  This has been going on for a long time now.  I'm just about to retreat to my room, close the door & not come out.  Let everything & everyone else fix their own shit.  I can barely handle mine, some times, not even that. 

My rant is over for a bit, but the crap will keep coming.  Oh well, a good month would've been nice.  I guess that's why I didn't get it.

Cya...

Not Much Morning...

 

There's nothing much going on here this morning.  For the moment we're caught up on things.  Trash finally got picked up yesterday after the ice issues.  Today is warmer & bright.  I'm happy for that.  It  might be get colder again, it's February, I just hope it doesn't get  frigid.  

I try to look for the good side of these things.  But, this Winter has been rougher on me.  Even after all the frigid temps & ice, I still see greenery in the yard.  I killed a blasted fly yesterday.   Winter's almost killing me off, but the grass & bugs are just fine.  Aim better.

Take care.

Cya...

Nice Morning...

 

I don't get a lot of these anymore, so I thought I should acknowledge them.  We've had a few nice mornings  now.  It's been fairly bright & a good temp.   It hasn't been overcast & rainy.  There've  been lots of birds, rabbits & squirrels.  Not so lucky with the  dragons & hummers.  But there have been some lightning bugs. 

This will be short.  There weren't many articles & my roomie is having a friend over soon.  I'll get around. so whatever needs to get handled, can.

Take care & have a good day.

Cya...

So Far...

 

For a bit, life has been tediously stressful.  Usually nothing too big, just a series of serious annoyances & setbacks.   I'm worn out.  So far, this morning has been decent.  Maybe it'll hold.  We need a good, easy day.  We need to rest & recharge.  That's all for now.  The sun's shining & it's not too hot yet.  Hopefully, this will be a good day.

Cya...

2 Things...

 

1st, this is an interesting site  AIDSVu allows you look at HIV data at a national, state & sometimes local level.   It's relatively current &  would be helpful to anyone needing this kind of info.  Give it a look.

2nd, other than some issues with the drive, my appointment went well.  I was told as long as I was managing my blood pressure there was no current evidence I was at risk for another stroke.  I am an established patient & if need be, I can go back. However, as it stands, yesterday was my last neuro appointment.  Yay me!

That's all, take care.

Cya...

Late July Morning...

Other than being a little stiff & sniffly, this is a nice morning.   The sun's out & no one's mowing or hacking at trees.   There are some birds chirping but not being obnoxious.  

I guess the hummers have found another place to be for now.  I saw a few dragons out front yesterday.  They're the 1st I've seen this year.   We don't have any plans for today so that's good.  

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Slow Start...

It's a slow start to May.  The weather's been nice & so far only a internet glitch has marred the image.   Bill paying will start tomorrow or Monday.   Finally, after a month, the lawn guy came over & mowed.  I was worried he might have come down with something.  I don't need my lawn man dying.  It's selfish, I know, but still it's true.   

That's about it for this morning.  There weren't any new articles to cover.   Take care & be well.

Cya...

The 4th...

It's time for fireworks & other hoo hah, Yippie.  Hope you have a great 4th of July. 

My appointment went well.  The MRI was mostly clear.  It no longer detected signs of an AVM or collected blood.   There was still some irritated tissue, but that should clear up.  The link about AVM is an article over arteriovenous malformation, which is what they thought I had.  It may still be, if so, it's undetectable at this point.  The most likely culprit for me was blood pressure.  A prolonged period of high pressure or a severe spike might have caused it.  

For now, I'll try to manage my blood pressure better.  I have to go back for a follow up in December.   At least the drive went well & there were major upsets.  Have to be thankful for that. 

That's all for now, take care.  Be safe this 4th.

Cya...

Quiet For Now...

It could get too warm, muggy, loud or dreary later in the day.   For now, it's pleasant & quiet.  I can hear a few birds singing & I see some squirrels running over the chain link fence, that's about it.  It's a nice, shiny morning.  That may change, but this is what I have now. 

I really like the mornings when I wake up well.  That's easier to do as the light levels increase.   For now, it's a pretty decent morning.

Cya...

Asked My Opinion...

I was chatting online with some young parents.  I'm not sure if that means they're younger, they had young children or both.  But they had questions for the group.   They wanted to know from the 40+ people what they wish their parents had taught them that they hadn't.  

There were a myriad of answers covering the gamut.  They finally asked me as a person my age living with HIV.  I thought about it & came up with my answer.

I wish someone would've taught me to better handle the +/-'s of life.  The highs & lows of life both throw me.  Admittedly, the negatives are usually harder to handle.  My parents didn't teach me to handle all the crap that would come into  my life.  They didn't give the means of handling stress, failure, rejection, etc... I panic, I freeze, I get angry,  None of which helps.   But, I was so unprepared for life, that I am utterly suspicious of the good in life.  I'm always waiting for the bad to come back like a tidal wave crashing down.  I fully well believe the universe has a sick sense of humor & my life gets the brunt of it a lot.  I have very few skills to cope with extremes.   I eventually do, but in the moment, I'm fairly useless.   

I told them to teach their children about all of the goods & bads they'll encounter.  Teach them skills to deal with the bad as well as possible.  Teach them to appreciate the good moments while they're there. Teach them that there's good & bad in every thing & every action.  You can learn from bad things.  You can be fooled by the good.    You may end up getting a lesser bad & learning to avoid a worse possibility.    You may be offered options so good you learn to look for the hooks in them.

Teach them good & bad come hand in hand.   Learning moments are near endless, but calming  times are rare.    Every dark cloud  may have a silver lining & I tend to believe that eventually.   But  it's also true that rainbows often follow terrible storms.  So do your best to teach your kid how to cope, how to be patient, how to see past the now.  Teach them about waiting for something, working for it & failure.   

Teach them how to fight, because life isn't a battle, it's a war.  It won't be won in a single conflict. You will get hurt, you will lose, you feel every negative emotion.  I hope your parents taught you better to handle those things than mine did me.  

Cya...

Labs, Calendars & Flighty People...

My labs are slowly showing up on the hospital portal.  The TB test hasn't come back yet.  I'll probably have to get a chest X-Ray.   The numbers looks good, but I'm still dealing with a lot of exhaustion & fatigue.  It may just be part of dealing with HIV & some meds.   For now, I'm alright with where I'm at.  My telemedicine appointment is next Wednesday the 21st.   It's on the calendar.

Speaking of calendars, they're awesome things.  They can keep track  of all sorts of things in you life, like appointments, anniversaries, events, etc.... But they only work if you actually use them.  You have to keep them updated & actually look at them quite frequently.   If not, a calendar will be of no use to you.   That will be on you, not the calendar.  It's just a handy tool, it can't do the job for you,

The mini-speech on calendars was due to a lot of people's inability to use them well.   My household's schedule is often being thrown into a bit of disarray by some outside person's inability to organize their life.   Let's get this straight, you're inability or refusal to get your life together, doesn't make your issue an emergency for me/us.  Learn the 5 P's, "Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance."  There are variations of that, but they get to the same point.  Get you sh*t together & stop making others clean up your mess.

Cya..