Things in my life have been challenging for so long, I'm almost always just on the edge of losing it. It's less about losing my temper & more about having a mini to massive meltdown. I can maintain some level of facade if things are going OK, but I don't have much left to deal with anything going sideways.
In the past, when I've talked to people about my family they don't get it. They don't understand how someone could fall so deeply into being drunk or addicted. They can't fathom just leaving things behind. They don't see how these people could just explode & leave chaos in their wake.
The thing is, I do. I do see how it happened. I don't agree or accept it, but I understand it. I can see very well how easy it would be to just let go & dive into oblivion. To just go out the door & never return. I can picture everything that my parents did & how they got there. I've done my best, when I could to avoid their paths, it hasn't always worked. Sometimes their ways would've been so much easier, at least for a while.
This is why I don't buy the sympathy & empathy bit. Too many people can't wrap their heads around people like my family. So much for their alleged empathy. My parents were very broken people. It doesn't excuse what they did, but it explains a lot. They were broken by people before them, like their parents. The cycle goes on, until sometime steps out. Stepping out of a thing like isn't easy & often not successful.
You can't have empathy or sympathy for something you can't relate to. To do either requires an understanding most people don't have. In my case, I hope they never have. I don't ask for your sympathy. It'd be nice if you could be more understanding, compassionate & kind. But I have no need for you sympathy or empathy. Those things are nice, but being nice is cheap. Being kind can be hard & costly.
Take care.
Cya...
