The End Of...

 

Today is the last of August 2025 & my last day of being 58.  Neither of which brought me much joy or kindness.   They were both rough on me.  I doubt I'll miss either.

Some people look at birthdays as victories or causes for celebrations.  I don't.  I may still be here, but I don't really see the reason to be happy about it. 

This last year wasn't good for me.  It was decent to some of those around me.   My roomie has some goals & is making some progress on the matters.  I don't have anything like that anymore.  I doubt I will.

My life wasn't easy when I was a teen or early 20 something.  But I still had hope things could work out.  I haven't really had hope since my early 30s.  Still, there were things to look forward to.  Those dwindled in my mid 40s.

I doubt 59 can let me down.  I'm sure it can & will suck.  I'm sure it can be harder.  But, I have no reason to expect anything else.  So at least the year can't let me down.  Maybe it'll be a good year for others & I can be some kind of good fortune tourist.  

Goodbye August, you were really rough.  Goodbye 58.  That went worse than expected.

Cya...

Last Friday...

 

This is the last Friday of the month & of my year.  It'll be September & I'll be 59 next week.  Looking back I can see good things happened for those around me.  Or least needed things.  But, 2025 & being 58 was a not good or kind in regards to me.  I pretty sure that will hold for this year as well.  It might actually get worse.  

We have things planned around that time.  I wish it all wasn't such a hassle.  There's a bunch of stuff clumping together.  The car's been a pain.  It'd be nice if we got through this without issues, but I'm not counting on it.

It was another dark morning.  It was so wet, the air was chilly last night.  I've not had the fans on, so everything is waking me up as I get used to the noise again.  The cat didn't help with that any with her demands to be acknowledged from a distance.  I woke with a jolt & that's always horrible for me.  

I need to go do Friday stuff for the last time as a 58 year old.  To hell with 2025, being 58 & everything that made this year suck.  My birthday wish is the orange stain dies soon.

Cya...

Countdown Issues...

 

There's only 5 full days until my birthday & things are letting me know it.  There are many reasons I'm not fond of this day, but a major issue is that crap always happens around it.   Not little things, but a lot of serious problems show up.  The car is screwing up again.  It could be the ignition.  That would explain some of the previous issues with it.  But still, it's already been a pain the ass all season long.  Just another pre birthday issue.

Hell, there are several days left, maybe the world will break & that damn day just won't get here.  I'm not that lucky.  There's nothing good about that day.  Besides bringing a crapstorm of issues, it's the opening to the dark of the year.

On top of all this, the weather is still dark & raining.  It's making things even harder.  Every year this gets worse.  The last couple of years were very rough on me.  I'm expecting it to be more so this time around.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Dark August Morning...

 

There could be a lot of rain today.  It's dark & cooler.  That looks to be the trend for a while.  I hope things don't cool down too quickly, but I don't see any 90s in the forecast.  Of course that could change.   

This last bit of me being 58 isn't going to be easy.  It's going to be dark all week & I'm already dreading it.  The worst part of the year is creeping up.  I really don't have to see 59.  It's not like there'll be anything good for me.  It'll only more of the same & worse.  Birthdays should come with the option of "enough" or "I've had my fill, thank you."

My roomie is making some future plans.  They're reasonable ideas.  I hope they work well for her.  I don't have those anymore.  I haven't for a long time.  Each year, it gets harder to see the positive things with all the crap looming.

That's it for this morning, take care.

Cya...

Never Ending...

 

Being 58 has been like being at a really bad buffet where they keep loading your plate with things you never wanted.  There's been more of the typical crap like car stuff & house crap.  Then there were trips to the vet for both cats & now we're down to just Millie.  It's been hurry up, wait, spend a lot & stress even more.  Add to that, the crappy people of this country elected that orange bastard.   Him & his ilk are always  a threat.

My SAD hit early last year & I think it will again.  I'm really noticing the changing light.  I've got labs to be drawn & a telemedicine appointment coming up.  Big, new stress could be lurking on the edge.  I won't say much about it, because I'm not sure of anything.  I just know, I don't trust the situation.  I could be wrong, but so little goes our way.  During all of this, my roomie has had several ongoing health matters she's been dealing with.  They seem to be going well, but they take effort & planning.

We haven't really had our normal holiday routine since COVID.  We're trying, but things just aren't cooperating.  58 has been about stress, expense, lose, worry & exhaustion.  Life needs more off ramps.  I need to step away from this plate that things keep piling crap on.  I've had way more than my fill.

Cya...

Hello August 2025...

 

August is here & it'd be nice if it went easier than the rest of the year.  I don't have any reason to believe it will.  Still, it'd be nice.  July ended cooler than it had been.  These temps won't hold, but it's a nice respite.  

This week has been busy.  Between the heat, car, appointments & just general stuff, it's been rough on us.  The car's back, my roomie's appointment went well, all that's left is shopping & some errands.

Today starts the clock on the last moments of my 58th year.  A month from now, I'll be a year older.  Not that  it really does much for me.  It'd be nice to look forward to things like this, but I don't.  We'll probably go somewhere to eat & maybe catch a movie.

That's all for now, take care.

Hello August, play nice.

Cya...

Hello September & 58...

 

It's September & my birthday.  A day I've never been fond of.  At best it's blah, but it's often a beast of a day.  This may be the day I was born, but it was never my day.  If anything, this time of year at most tolerates me.   This month is the gateway to the dark of year.  So, it's no friend of mine.  No love lost either way.

I used to live for Summer, but with the way weather has gone, it's not really enjoyable at all.  June stays dark, muggy & wet until it burst to hellish, blazing heat.  There's no build up, no time to enjoy.  Just unpleasant BS year round.  Yet there's no climate change, hah!  The only people who believe that are either dumb as dirt or too worried what they'd did to cause it.  Either way for them, it's deny, deny, deny.

That's all.  Be nice September.  Birthday try to be decent & then go away.  Take care.

Cya...