Early Post, Not Well...

 

I'm posting early because I'm upset.  I'm trying not to be, but I am.  For the last several years when I've been doing badly, there's always been something else out in front.  I'm not trying to blame anyone or say these things weren't important, but I still felt I needed to step back.  Time moved on & some things with me settled, others didn't.  But, unless it required me going to the hospital or having to retreat, I'm not sure how much my things were even noticed.

Recent years have been worse for this & there have been reasons.  The last bit of time has been hard on me, I've been really frazzled.  This month has me worried; Summer's ending, lights fading, September's coming, a renewal is probably in the mail.  

The last few days I needed not to be in my head.  But things worked out where I was mostly by myself.  My roomie's had some health issues & stress of her own.  I know all of this, but still I just needed not to be for a bit.   Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to just step out in front something big & let it take you away.  

I'm not doing well, but everything else is also happening.  I don't know if I can handle these next couple of months.  There's so much going on & there just doesn't seem to be any room for me.  Maybe there never really was.

I'm sorry if this was too depressing, but I'm out of ways to communicate, even if it is only to this blog.  It's the only thing I have.  I found out a game I play online to distract me is ending.  It's getting cancelled by Facebook.  I've played it for years.  Bit by bit, things that kept me sane & going are going away.  I wonder how long it will be before Blogger goes away & I lose this blog.

Take care.

Cya...

More More More...

 

We had a bit of good news Friday & I should've known that wasn't actually a good thing.   A single thing off our load & we got more dumped on us almost immediately.  Besides the ongoing issues with this damn house.  There's another health issue & the asshat bees have returned.  I can't do anything about either issue.  

We're still finding out things & who knows how long this take.   Of course the weather is supposed to crap out.  Add to all of this, a male cat has decided he's a singer & won't shut up.   He's been going all morning.

Yesterday was hard.  I'm not sleeping well.  I spent most of the day with a low, anxious buzz.  I'm so over it even my cheeks feel tired.  I'm want everything to shut up & work.  If this is all that's left in my life, just let me off the ride.

Cya...

Toxic Protein...

 

This article is about a protein HIV develops which can inhibit some people living with HIV's recovery.  This can happen even while on a drug regimen.  Even if their blood work looks better, their health may not recover as well it should.  This is a newer topic & I've seen a few abstract pieces the last few days.

Even after a decade on my earlier meds, my CD4 never rose above the 200s, even when my viral load was undetectable.  It wasn't until I was on newer meds that my numbers came into a normal range.  Even now, my health isn't what it should be.  It could  be something like this protein or damage already done by being + this long.

This research is novel & shows these endeavors must continue.  Science is about finding out what you didn't know & challenging current models to ensure their accuracy.  Studies like this are ever evolving.  When they stop, is when problems develop.

Give this a read.  It's still fairly light at the moment.  Take care.  

Cya...

Frozen Orange Yick...

 

It was in the teens this morning.  We'll be lucky if it gets over freezing.  Tomorrow won't be as cold, but still freezing.  It'll start warming on Wednesday.  By the weekend & further on, the forecast calls for temps in the 50s & over freezing at night.  That could all change, but other than some rain, it looks like a much nicer forecast.

This flip back into colder temps has been hard on me.  There's been a lot of coughing, wheezing & nose blowing.  It's been trying to give me more chilblains.  I'm ready for this to be at least a bit warmer.

Unfortunately the orange bastard returned today.  To hell with everyone who voted for him & double that for all those that didn't vote.   The real problem here isn't him, it's all the asshats that enabled him.  He'll eventually go away, they might not.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Uneasy Dark...

 

It's dark again this morning.  It's also drizzling.  Winds are supposed to blow in a cold week.  The hourly calls for it to be under freezing by 6:00.  The next several days will be very cold & there could be snow by Thursday night going into Friday morning.  Of course all of that could change for the better or worse.  

This Winter is being a lot harder on me than last year.  Aches, chilblains, swelling, rough breathing, skin issues, etc...   The mornings won't start coming earlier for a week  & then only by minutes.  Right now sunrise is at 7:27.  By the 19th it should be at 7:24.  But sunset should move from 5:21 to 5:34 in that time.  So in 2 weeks there should be 16 more minutes of sunshine.  It's not much, but it's something.  The time change is still over 60 days away.

I'm not doing well with this Winter or the impending orange BS storm.  I'm trying to find something as a high point.  It's not easy, but I am trying.  It'd be nice if everything else wasn't fighting so hard to make it feel impossible.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Unexpected...

 

My roomie got a call last night.  I wasn't in the room, but I could hear the serous tone.  Someone close to her is going through a health scare & the outcome isn't known yet. Now, it's a wait & see.  There's nothing she can do about it.  The matter's ongoing.  Waiting sucks, but it could be worse.

That's it for now, take care.

cYA...

Sleep...

 

For a lot of my life I've had issues with sleep.  Most were due to nerves, stress & anxiety.  For over a decade I've avoided my more serious sleep concerns.  Still, I have the occasional issues due to stress, aches, illness, noise, etc...

A single night isn't bad.  Past that, I go downhill pretty rapidly.   I've come up with some means to help me get to sleep, but they don't always work as well as I'd like.

This article is a little thin.  Still, it's about the lack of sleep impacting a person's health, specifically those living with HIV.  Sleep deprivation can lead to inflammation, which can worsen your overall health.  Again, not the most thorough of writings but worth a read.

Take care.

Cya...

Down To 3...

 

It's down to 3 full days left of 2023.  We don't have a lot planned for the remainder of the year.  It seems articles feel the same.  They've been short supply as the year wraps.

It's cold & my body hates it.  It's also been dreary, which makes things worse.  Winter leads to coughing, dry skin, weird sleep, aches, odd blood pressure, fatigue...  The list goes on.  I'm not a fan of the cold or dark.

The beginning of the year will start with another weird mail schedule thanks to New Years Day.  Then things should be back to normal for that.  While I'm not really looking forward to 2024, I won't miss 2023.  It's not like we get a choice in these matters.

Take care.

Cya...

No Give Backs...

 

Shifting weather, winds, allergens & cooler temps are trying to bring my cold back for an encore.  I'm doing my best to make sure that doesn't happen.  It's not being easy with these cooler temps, wind & debris.   This ick needs to be gone & stay that way.

Not much going on here.  The articles are angry rehash & OpEds.  So, that's it for now.

Cya...

So Very Not Good...

 

It's very dark this morning & I'm not doing well.  I woke more nerved out than I have been in a while.  Everything keeps making demands, breaking, needing & I just can't.  There's been so much going on & so little getting resolved.  I really hate waking up.  It means there's probably something waiting for me.  It's almost always dark.  There are car troubles, furniture issues, phones, health, mailboxes & the list goes on.  I used to think I could handle a couple of them at a time.  Now I'm not so sure, especially when they all happen at once.  Does anything good ever come from waking up?  I'm tired, broken & it seems some of my pieces are missing.

Cya...

Not Sweet...

 

It looks like the next couple of days are going to heat again.  Not happy about that, but it's only into the mid 90s & it's still August.  I have a primary care appointment Monday morning, then Wednesday a dental cleaning.  My birthday is on Thursday & then it's the 1st of the month stuff.

I think I found the culprit for my issues last night.  Cutting sugar can result in a host of temporary ailments.  It's the sweet beast's means of keeping it's claws in you.  Among those post sugar issues are fatigue, sleep issues & anxiety.  Ding ding ding, that's it.  I slept much better last night, so maybe this  fading already.  I'm not cutting out all sugar, just a lot of it.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Damn Paywalls...

 

I understand people need to get paid & that it takes funds to operate a website.  But, at some point there has to be a give.  When a site is promoting important health information it shouldn't hide behind a paywall.

I saw a piece this morning allegedly reporting stats on the importance of knowing your HIV status.  How knowing & when you know affects matters.  I'm very well aware of this, but some new to the issue may not.  Articles like these could change a lot for people, but far too many of them are behind paywalls.  These sites could at least redirect to government sites with similar info.

That's all for today.  Screw paywalls on health matters.  Take care & be safe.

Cya...

Not Great...

 

My 50's haven't been that great.  Between health issues, the climate & sociopolitical BS, these last  years have mostly sucked.   My health has taken some serious hits, but those weren't as bad as the climate changes & politics.  People caused all the issues I'm dealing with & I already mostly despised most people.  These things didn't help my opinion of them.

I saw a cat & her kitten this morning.  I put out some food & water.  With the 2 cats we have, we can't really deal with any more.  Our siamese is geriatric & the other cat is pretty hateful of others.  The 2 outdoor cats came over easily, so I think they're local.  Most kittens would've been too scared to come close if they'd not been around people.  Hopefully, they'll be alright.  Why is it always, the people who would help can't & those who could, won't?  Again, I have no use for most people.

Cya...

Gone Again...

 

It's back to famine in article land.  Yesterday's boon will have to hold me for a while.  The only info in the pieces I saw worth repeating was about vaccinations.  During this time of COVID, if  you or your dependents need vaccinations or boosters, you should get them ASAP.  These illnesses can dogpile on you.  Boosting your immunity & preventing the flu may make you less likely to contract something else like corona.   The best way to handle COVID, is not to catch it.  Protect yourself as much as possible.

Take care.

Cya...

The 2nd...

This is February 2nd of & the groundhog is supposed to predict the weather.  He's usually wrong.   Mostly we're expecting to be near or slightly above normal for mid Winter temps.  

Today's date 02,02,2020 is the first palindrome date in over 900 years.   Interesting, but rather useless trivia.  Still things like that are what make the news.

I'm tired & cold.   It's bright outside & supposed to be much warmer today.  I don't think it'll matter.   I've been sick & nervous for too long.  Sometimes I feel like I'm about to shake apart.  Anxiety, SAD, post stroke issues &  real life crap are overwhelming me.  I worry that even on the brightest, warmest Summer day, part of me is going to be tired & cold.  

My roomie told me not long ago, she thought I could be alright on my own if I had to be.  I couldn't.  This is very hard now.  By myself, it'd swallow me up.   

Life feels like an ebb tide dragging me farther from shore.  I'm sort of scared, but I'm not sure I have the strength to really care.  I care about my roomie & our cats, past that, not much.  I know I can't be alone & I can't do a nursing home.  That doesn't leave many choices.  Some day I may have to face that.  I hope not.

Sorry for being so down, but it's where I'm at now.  I can pull myself back for a bit.  Then everything grabs at me & I stumble.  I think I'm out of answers, quick fixes & my lucks seems to have left me.  I hate waking up.

Cya...

Between Appointments...

My appointment went well yesterday.  The nurse practitioner told me to keep doing what I had been & to take my blood pressure meds as my BP would allow it.  I'm not feeling healed, but much better. I go back on the 20th to see my doctor.  Hopefully, my BP will be normal (for me) again.  

During this, my Chase card has decided to be a bitch.  It screwed up & they didn't notify me.  I got a denied at a store.  I called & thought it was fixed.  5 days later it happened again.  I think it's fixed, we'll see.  Chase needs to stop being so difficult.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

More Apt To...

Occasionally, I see an article about how people living with HIV are more apt to contract A, B or C...  Yes, we are.  HIV is a virus that makes it easier for you to contract just about any illness or develop any health related issue.   

HIV affects the autoimmune system & therefore you are more susceptible to nearly everything.   Even if on a regimen, your system isn't normal.  You aren't like everyone else, you are  more vulnerable.  It will require more effort & awareness on your part to stay healthy.

This isn't a value judgement.  It's just life for those who are HIV+.   Meds help, but they aren't a cure, nor are they complete.  Get your flu shots, vaccinate against pneumonia, etc...  It's your health, no one else is going to do it for you.

Cya...

Responsibility For Self...

Often, I find articles about how the medical community has failed some group.   It doesn't matter if it's people of color, women, trans, etc...  Somehow medical professionals are the only entities being held responsible in the fight against HIV.

Yes, doctors, clinicians & hospitals could do more to promote HIV treatment & prevention.  But, so could other social institutions.  For a long time, I've believed a person is ultimately responsible for their own health & well-being.  Sometimes circumstances might prevent that.  But if they can be, they should be the one's promoting their own welfare. 

After decades of HIV education & prevention, when are adults  held reasonably responsible for their own health?  Why isn't it  their task to seek out an HIV test?   We expect them to go get a flu shot, why not this?  An HIV test is a medical procedure, not some mysterious, occult practice. 

Medical professionals should ask everyone their status & when they were last tested.    They should assume every individual is at risk & proceed accordingly.  However, every capable adult should seek out these things on their own.  Their health is ultimately their responsibility.  

Cya...

Storms Coming...

We're supposed to have storms today.   That could kill the net, so I'll be brief.  I didn't see much in the way of articles.  I handled some yard work yesterday, that the man who mows can't handle any longer (he's old).  I got it done, but it didn't go well.  I'm still winded.  Thankfully, it doesn't have to happen often.  Between  HIV & the stroke, I have little endurance left.  This sucks.   At least the yard is handled for now.

Take care.

Cya...

Seasonal Ick...

I don't remember ever doing well with Winter.  I didn't mind it as much as a kid, but that meant school might be out for the day.  I'm no fan of the cold.  It won't even do its job of killing off the grass & bugs.  

Besides being cold & dreary, the biggest problem for me during the Winter is the air.  If you're outside, it's wet & cold.  Inside, it's dry & overheated.   It's not too bad during the day.  I can get something to drink or wet my eyes.  Just after waking is the worse time.  I've breathed scorched air & had fuzzy blankets on me all night.  I wake up to a stuffy nose which is prone to small Winter nosebleeds.  My eyes are scratchy & there's a lot of yuck in my throat.  It takes a while before I feel decent.

This was my normal as an adult.  After HIV, it only got worse.  That's 1 of the many things they don't always tell you about being +.  It can make everything else you were dealing with worse, sometimes much worse.  HIV compounds everything from Winter congestion to cholesterol to aging.  Being HIV+ isn't dealing with single thing.  It's dealing with a virus that impacts every aspect of your well-being.  Being + is taxing, taking meds for it is also taxing.  It takes a toll, even if you seem to be doing well with your regimen.

This season will pass.  Then another set of seasonal issues will crop up for me face.  That's life, especially if you're +.  

Take care.

Cya...