More Hospital Stuff...

 

Again, things tilted.  My roomie needed some tests run for an upcoming appointment.  They were at the hospital in Ft Smith.   We ended  up in the ER after, due to some medical issues she's having.  We left before 2 PM & didn't get home until past 1 AM.  

I'm exhausted & not sure how well I'll be doing.  We didn't need this.  I didn't need this.  I'm past tired.  The house was hot when we got home & never cooled down.  We have to go get her scripts in a bit.  But for now, I need to hydrate & get a shower.  

If August doesn't do me in, I'm think September will.  Every year's a little worse, but 2026 is taking a much bigger bite.  I don't know how much longer I can do things like this.

Take care.

Cya...

Had Already...

 

Wasn't going to post again this morning.  This Summer has been hard for me.  We're just now having mostly bright days without so much haze.  Too bad the temps are cranked & the days are getting shorter.

There used to be things that kept me going during the season.  We'd have finches & other little song birds.  There was the occasional, "Oh, you're not a cat", groundhog.   But mostly there were lots of butterflies, big moths, dragonflies & hummingbirds.   

I don't see those much anymore.  I don't get to smile because I looked out & saw dragons darting or hummers buzzing about.   For years, I've barely seen hummers & then only on their way back south.  I've only seen a couple of dragons in the distance.  

This morning, I saw my 1st hummer of the year, probably the only hummer of the season.  He's heading south.  He's not full grown, but enough to flit about on his own.  Maybe things knew what a mess I was & let me have a little peep into what used to make me smile.  It's almost harder, knowing I probably won't see him again & may not see any at all next year.  Is it really worth still being here?

Take care.

Cya...

Early Post, Not Well...

 

I'm posting early because I'm upset.  I'm trying not to be, but I am.  For the last several years when I've been doing badly, there's always been something else out in front.  I'm not trying to blame anyone or say these things weren't important, but I still felt I needed to step back.  Time moved on & some things with me settled, others didn't.  But, unless it required me going to the hospital or having to retreat, I'm not sure how much my things were even noticed.

Recent years have been worse for this & there have been reasons.  The last bit of time has been hard on me, I've been really frazzled.  This month has me worried; Summer's ending, lights fading, September's coming, a renewal is probably in the mail.  

The last few days I needed not to be in my head.  But things worked out where I was mostly by myself.  My roomie's had some health issues & stress of her own.  I know all of this, but still I just needed not to be for a bit.   Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to just step out in front something big & let it take you away.  

I'm not doing well, but everything else is also happening.  I don't know if I can handle these next couple of months.  There's so much going on & there just doesn't seem to be any room for me.  Maybe there never really was.

I'm sorry if this was too depressing, but I'm out of ways to communicate, even if it is only to this blog.  It's the only thing I have.  I found out a game I play online to distract me is ending.  It's getting cancelled by Facebook.  I've played it for years.  Bit by bit, things that kept me sane & going are going away.  I wonder how long it will be before Blogger goes away & I lose this blog.

Take care.

Cya...

Bill Day & A Bit More...

 

Yesterday was an odd day.   My roomie wasn't feeling well.  It wasn't the coolest day, but it wasn't too hot.  The cool moment is about to evaporate.

Today is bill day.  It also means a trip to the bank & shopping.  There might be some other errands.

This piece is more on the weekly oral med being developed by Gilead & Merck.  If the price is decent it could lead away from daily pills.  It might be he 1st, but if it pans out, it won't be the last.  Weekly could replace daily, just like daily replaced hourly.  

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

1st August Sunday 2026...

 

August is underway & there's less than a month before my year's up.  Unless, I'm wrong, I should be getting a renewal this year.  I'm dreading this.  This month is making me ill.  I go to sleep with things buzzing in my head & I may have a moment after waking before it all comes back.  Sometimes, it even invades my sleep & gives me stress dreams.  

The problem is these worries are real.  These lingering issues always seem ready to drop.  I hate waking up.  Maybe a few minutes of peace & then it all crashes back over me.  By the time I get out of bed, I'm already emotionally spent & fairly worn out.

Last night was the 1st night I got decent sleep in a while.  It won't help.  The hot nights will return & the anxiety never leaves.  I'm just tired.  I should've never made it this far.   Even if I get through August alright, then comes September, my worst month.  Then Fall begins.  This fight was lost before it began.

Take care.

Cya...

Hello August 2026....

 

I know it probably won't happen, but I really need a good month.  It's going to be hot.  Both my roomie & I have appointments, so it's going to be busy.   But, I've been dreading this month.  I've had so much apprehension about it.  I hope I'm wrong.

This is the last month of my birth year & it wasn't a good trip around the sun.  This is the last bit of my 50s & they've mostly sucked.  September will get here & turn the wheel.  Somehow it's never to a better page or something not out to bring me harm.  

People who think life is wonderful & worth living make  me wonder.  What is so different about them, that they got a life that let them feel that way about it & I got this mess.  Was it a roll of the dice, perspective, did I do something wrong...?  

So August please don't suck.  I've had enough trials.  I've used most of what I have just to get this far.  I'm tapped & exhausted.  If it can't be decent, just let it end.  I don't have any fight left.

Hello August, please be a good month.

Cya..

Goodbye July...

 

This is the last day of July.  The month started off alright.  It wasn't that Summery.  It was overcast, damp & fairly mild temps.  Then the tail end got here.  It stayed hazy, while the humidity & temps cranked up.  I haven't handled this part of the month.  I'm not sleeping well & it's leading me to feel off, sick & anxious.  

Tomorrow starts August.   I have expectations for that month & they're all bad.  I think this is going to be a bad month.  It feels like a lot is coming my way & I probably won't be able to handle it.  I think this is going to be a month of loss.   It's the last month of my birth year.  It's the last month I'll be in my 50s.  

I really needed a good Summer.  Just another thing on the list I never got.  I don't need to see September.  I don't need more trips around the circle.  I would gladly just step off the ride.  I'm tired of feeling like this.  I hate knowing my life peaked decades ago & it wasn't that great.  I broke the GenX rule.  I should've died young.  I wouldn't have had to see what a disaster I became.

Goodbye July, you failed at being a good Summer month.

Cya...