Still Dark In June...

 

Again June is a dark mess.  It's almost Summer & this looks like a morning in January.  Of course it had to storm.  It was supposed to last night & didn't.  That made sleeping less than pleasant.  I'm just tired of this.  Why the hell did I wake up?

I needed this dark crap to be over, but hey that doesn't matter.  The mood I've been in, the world could burn & I'd be fine.  I'm just too over this to care about much anymore.  I'm tired of being scared, anxious, stressed.  I'm just tired & pissed that I woke up.  

I have a 80s pin somewhere that says, "Life's a bitch & then you die."   That's not right.   Life is a bitch, but you don't just to die, you linger.    You don't thrive, you just exist.

That's it this morning.  To hell with June & its BS storms & drear.  Apparently there is no bright season anymore.  I hope all you cloud lovers choke.

Cya...

Hello June...

 

Hello June, I know it's a lot to ask, but it'd be great if this was a nice month.  I need really need it.  I've not been doing that well & this is my last season of being in my 50s.  

I haven't had a good year in quite a while.  I can barely get a decent few hours.   I was more hopeful last year at this time.  There were possibilities, I think those are gone.  

The small wants I had; to be more secure, less scared & anxious, to have some small things to look forward, to not die in this damn hovel, etc...  I let myself think it might be possible.  I did it to myself again.  It's unlikely any of that will ever happen.  

June, I repeat my request for a nice month.  It doesn't have to be anything big, just pleasant & a little less stressful.  I'm tired of waking up & being angry I'm still here.  I dont' want any seasons in my 60s.  Things will only be worse.  Nothing's coming, nothing's going to get better.   

It feels like there's so little of me left.  Every time something looks like it could be good or get better, it's a fake out or a let down.  Even if something good did come along.  It'd be just enough to screw things up, not fix anything.  I want things to go well or just end.  

That's all, hello June, sorry for the ask.

Cya...

Goodbye May...

 

May's ending on warm note.   We're finally getting some sunlight, just not enough to get rid of this humidity.  Other than a couple of appointments, May didn't bring us much.  Maybe that's OK.  It didn't bring us much bad either.  Most of the month was just overcast & hazy.  

Tomorrow will start the 1st of the month stuff again.  Goodbye May.  At least you're ending on a blue moon.  Take care.

Cya...

Friday Issues...

 

If something around here is going break or screw up, it'll most likely be on a Friday night.   That leaves us the weekend to deal with whatever messed up.  Last night, my blood pressure monitor crapped out on me.  It kept giving me odd readings.  I tried to adjust the positioning, nothing worked.  By the time, I switched to my old cuff, I'd irritated myself & my reading was higher than it should've been.  The old cuff read a little high anyway.

At 1st, I thought it was bad batteries, but those in it were newer.  I tried some others & still nothing.   I'd planned on getting up this morning & going to get better batteries.  But, I thought to look up the lifespan of a blood pressure cuff.  I'm way past the time given as an average.  This morning I ordered a new cuff from Walmart.  It should be here today.  

We'll see how this goes.  Take care.

Cya...

Lingering...

 

For some time now, we've had stuff linger on into the next month.  We haven't just been able to shut the door on a month & move on.  These things are just camped out by the door unresolved.  The problem is a lot of these issues aren't things we can control or even influence.  It's just a waiting game while things get handled.  Some of this should've been handled years ago & may not be handled until late Summer.

Even if everything got wrapped up by August, that'd just be the beginning of what this household would have to face.  It could be at least another month of more before things settle for us.   Most 2026 could get tarnished by something neither of us could control.  

May will be another month with carry over because of other people's BS.   At least we finally met our rainfall averages.

Cya...

Day After Appointments...

 

The day of errands & appointments went alright.   The appointments themselves went fine.  Getting over there & back was a little annoying.   The traffic was weird & patchy.  Then it decided to storm during most of the outing.

We got home & it rained for the rest of the day.  I'm dealing with day after cleaning teeth.  Everything feels a little off & sensitive.   That's handled for the next 6 months.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Rushed Morning...

 

This is going to be quick.  I need to get some stuff handled, then shower, then eat, then rebrush my teeth & anything else I'm forgetting.  After that, drive over to Fort Smith handle appointments, errands & get something to eat before driving home.  That's not mentioning getting trash to the curb.  

For us, this will be a busy day.  Take care.

Cya...