First Jolt...

 

I'm not sure why, but I had my 1st jolty waking of the season.  I never do well with seasonal change.  But, so far, the shift hasn't been that notable.  I wasn't in a weird place when I went to bed, but still there was a jolt & I was a awake.  

It's almost always the same.  I wake & set straight up only for the cortisol to kick in hard.  It takes me a while to get things to calm down & sometimes I'm not awake enough to realize what's happening.  Things can get worse then, panicky.  But this morning, the jolt was accompanied, but a sudden nose bleed.   By the time I got to the bathroom to clean up, it had stopped.  I guess I'm too dried out from fans & ragweed. 

I hate jolting awake.  Cortisol kills me & can trash my energy levels for the rest of the day.  Yay, the dark of the year has arrived.  To hell with everything from from the 'Ber months until April.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Short Days...

 

The dark outlasted the light yesterday.  The days are getting shorter & I'm trying not to focus on it.  The sun's nearly gone by just after 7 PM.  The Harvest Moon took Summer & the light.  Maybe it took some of the harshness with it as well.  

Having less fans on is a mixed bag.  There's lower electric use & less fan drone, but there's a lot more background & outside noise now.  The fans muffle a lot of other sound.  Now, it's back to relearning what the normal sounds are, so I can tune them out. 

Of all the birds to come back, it's either a mockingbird or catbird.  Their loud calls are similar.  It's sort of amazing such a small bird can make that much noise.

Like it or not, Fall is here.  I hope I do better this year.  I'm not asking for well, that's a biggie, just better.  A couple more days & Sucktember will be over.

Take care.

Cya...

National Gay Men’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Day...

 

Today is NGMHAAD, I'm not typing that again.  Here are a couple of sites, AIDSVU & POZ.  AIDSVU was the better piece, POZ's seemed like an afterthought.  HIV.gov & the CDC used to have good pages, but not this year.  Gee, I wonder why?

There used to be more info on this day.  Any way, these 2 sites can get you started.  This is a day of awareness, learning & remembering how things were.  There's been enormous efforts made to move us forward.  But there's always been resistance.  It's not over yet & may never be.

And the band played on...

Take care.

Cya...

Harvest Moon...

 

Last night was the 1st night of the Harvest Moon.  This moon marks the change of seasons & intent.  It's important partly due to agrarian ties.  It'll be cold & dark past this.  It had many names but the meaning stayed the same.  This is the last chance to do what you need to do & let go of the rest, the door's nearly closed.  

Tonight's the height of the moon.   There are practices of noting of what you're grateful for, what's been challenging & what needs to left behind.  It's a time for letting go those matters & that you.  I wish I was better at that.  I never have been.  Some of us have been so defined by those challenges, obstacles & things that would destroy us, we're not sure what, if anything, would be left of us, if we were to release those things.

If I had learned how to let go when I was young, I doubt I'd even recognize that version of me.  If those things had been removed, let go of or recovered from, this me would not exist.  It's a thrilling concept, but also a little sad & awful.  This me can only exist if there is the crapfest, trainwreck known as my life.  Isn't that a joyful thought.

Still, the moon makes me smile & let go, even if just a for a brief moment.  I try to look for it as often as I can.  Stars are nice, but none of those wishes ever came true.  The moon's just there, a rare constant in my life.  Look up, remember, try to forgive yourself, let go & make way for the new.  

Take care.

Cya...

The Lasts Of September 2026...

 

Yesterday was the last Thursday of the month.  A couple of more shopping trips & another round of trash to the curb & this month's have-to's will be handled.  As usual, this hasn't been an easy month for me.  The heat & humidity nearly did me in.  There's almost 2 hours less light & the dark days are nearly here.  

I'm hoping September takes the heat with it.   August gave us our highest electric usage bill ever.  September's wasn't far behind.  But last night I only had the table fan near me.  Not the small window fan, the box fan & the giant metal beast going.  The metal fan hasn't been on in a 2 days now.  Last night was the time in months I've only needed the side fan.  Maybe this month's bill will be closer to normal.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Cooling A Bit...

 

It was actually in the low 60°s overnight.  We're not supposed to see the 90°s today.  There are still some 90°+ days in the long range forecast, but most are in the 80°s.  There could even be some overnights in the high 50°s this week.  We don't need to drop too quickly, but the cooler nights are appreciated.  This is still going to be another high electric use month, but maybe October will drop back to normal for us.

The problem with finally getting a little good sleep after not having much for a long time is that you start to realize just how depleted you really were.  It's going to take quite a few nights of decent sleep to even start to undo this level of drain.  I've been running on fumes for too long.  

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Lingering Heat...

 

It's Fall & we've already lost nearly 2 hours of light.  The days are barely 12 hours long.  Yet, it's still in the 90°s.   It's still humid, it's still too warm, but the sun is fading fast.  This is just adding to my disdain for the 'Ber months & the dark of the year.  

The last 2 years, I've had a rough time with SAD.  I really needed decent Summers to get past it.  Those Summer's never showed.  There were just these last 2 seasonal failures.  I guess my favorite time of the year is gone.  My SAD lasts longer, allergies never seem to go away, this is BS.  There just doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. 

That's it for now.  Take care.

Cya...