Community...

 

Because of a mobile childhood & familial situation,  I was never good at the community thing.  I can be very social.  It's how I survived.  I thrived around bar folks & all the various acquaintances I had there.  At least before most of them dropped over from various issues like AIDS & OD'ing.  But for the most part these people & places were just diversions from everyday life.  Some of them were very nice & considerate people, but most were just background noise to get me through the moments.

Usually when I've had community in my life, it's been due to some conditions or qualities I shared with other people.  Being gay or being a college student, hell even being HIV+ isn't enough to form a community or real relationship with someone.

I guess the closest I got to a community was back when I was still actively gaming & going to Cons.  We shared more than a location, we had common interests.  Sometimes extremely opposing POVs, but on shared passions.  It was nice.  But time passed & people went separate ways.

Sharing a arbitrary trait, having the same illness, or having a trauma in common, may gives you grounds to meet & converse.  But, it's not enough to form a community or relationship.  I'd rather not have a community than be in a situation where the only commonality I have with others is my sexual orientation, disease, location, etc...   That would just wind up feeling desperate & fake.  Then I'd feel worse than before it all started.

I hope you find what you're looking for, but a community has to be about more than being Gay, HIV+, trans, or some other arbitrary quality you happen to share with others.

Take care.

Cya...

QTIP...

My roomie & I have found ourselves feeling a little guilty.   We noticed & were relieved by the lack of stress in the house post-Rhiannon.  But, it's true, there's less agita now. We adored that cat, but in the end, the situation was very stressful for all of us, including cats.   Now, that stress has been lifted & we feel a little lighter.  Everyone except for Rhiannon.  Still, she's no longer going through the badness that marked her final days, so maybe even her.

Some people get weirded out when others talk about the animals in their lives as family members.    OK, people in work relationships with their animals often don't.  People raised on farms often just can't.   Past that, if you can't form a somewhat familial relationship with the animals in your life, then I probably don't want to know you.  

We had Rhiannon for around 17 years.  If she had been a human child, she'd been a senior, talking about future plans & college.  Let that put it into perspective for you.  She would've had braces, 1st dates, 1st heart breaks, achievements, failures, etc...  Rhiannon may not have gone to school, but she had known loss, moving, sickness, worry.  She'd also known joy, love, comfort & silliness. These cats are the closest thing I'll ever have to children & I prefer it that way.   I guess her sister will have to choose a university soon.  If you can't handle that I consider the cats in my life as important as your children, that's entirely on you.

I have known my roomie since the early 90's.   By the mid 90's we hung out a lot.  By 2001 we we're living together. Considering nearly half of USA marriage end in divorce around 8 years in, our relationship is considerably longer than most marriages.  We are not intimately involved, but we are there for each other.   Still, others think of relationships such as ours as lesser.  As if somehow we failed at something.  Screw that.

The name of this post was QTIP.  No, not the cotton swab, but instead an acronym for, "Quit Taking It Personally."  I heard this on a TV show recently.  In many cases I agree, but not here.   If someone is going to judge the relationships in my life, then it is personal.  I won't stop seeing it that way or bother explaining myself to others on this matter.  If you don't get, figure it out yourself & let me be.  

Relationships are hard.  Even more so when you have a chronic illness or are just getting older.   Don't let anyone judge your relationships.  That's up to you & you alone.   If they get you through the moments, then so be it.

Cya...