Community...

 

Because of a mobile childhood & familial situation,  I was never good at the community thing.  I can be very social.  It's how I survived.  I thrived around bar folks & all the various acquaintances I had there.  At least before most of them dropped over from various issues like AIDS & OD'ing.  But for the most part these people & places were just diversions from everyday life.  Some of them were very nice & considerate people, but most were just background noise to get me through the moments.

Usually when I've had community in my life, it's been due to some conditions or qualities I shared with other people.  Being gay or being a college student, hell even being HIV+ isn't enough to form a community or real relationship with someone.

I guess the closest I got to a community was back when I was still actively gaming & going to Cons.  We shared more than a location, we had common interests.  Sometimes extremely opposing POVs, but on shared passions.  It was nice.  But time passed & people went separate ways.

Sharing a arbitrary trait, having the same illness, or having a trauma in common, may gives you grounds to meet & converse.  But, it's not enough to form a community or relationship.  I'd rather not have a community than be in a situation where the only commonality I have with others is my sexual orientation, disease, location, etc...   That would just wind up feeling desperate & fake.  Then I'd feel worse than before it all started.

I hope you find what you're looking for, but a community has to be about more than being Gay, HIV+, trans, or some other arbitrary quality you happen to share with others.

Take care.

Cya...

Still...

 

There are still lots of weather related issues going on in my area & south of us.  However, it is getting warmer.  Most the snow has melted off.  We hit 51 yesterday.  Today won't as warm & it could rain.  But, there are only a few nights left with temps forecasted to be below freezing.  So, dripping faucet season may be over soon.  YAY!  Last night we were warm enough to turn off the stoves. My breathing needed the break. 

We can't control the weather.  But most of the serious fallout of this situation was due to horrible management of the infrastructure & systems by greedy conservatives.  Their politics cost a lives, trauma & billions in damage.  

There are still no articles to speak of, so this is it for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Closed Doors...

People who've never been through trauma, no matter the kind, can't understand you aren't & can never be again the person you were before the event.  It's impossible.  You changed, you were altered by in a way that is irrevocable. 

War, illness, accident, fire, abandonment, crime, injury etc... These events shove you from the place you were into somewhere new & then slam the door behind you.  If you're lucky, a new door opens.  

Sometimes, like with finding out you're HIV +, outside that door lies uncertainty, fear, hate, stigma. impossible odds...  Sometimes there is a door, but you have to break it down.  Others, there is no door at all & you have make your own.  

Going from HIV - to +, becoming a victim of crime, being forced to fire a weapon at someone, losing your ability to have children, see, hear, etc... these things all permanently alter you.  The events can't be undone.  The marks are indelible.

If a door closes in your life.   Try to stop for a while.  Try to breathe.  It won't be easy.  You need to go through the next door, but maybe not right this moment.  Hell,  maybe not even this year or the next. 

Cya...