Decent Day Anxiety...

 

I don't have that many "good" days.  I'm lucky to have decent, OK days.  I don't like talking about them, especially while the day is still occurring.  They make me anxious.  I can't remember a day in the last year that was going alright that there was an almost immediate case of fuckery.  Not something me or my roomie caused, but something beyond our control that was screwed with us;  car issues, power outages, internet issues, seriously bad weather...

Yesterday was being an OK day until around 6 then the water pressure all but died.  Some fiber workers broke another water line again.  The water was luckily restored in a few hours, but it's taken a lot longer than before.  Then all the lines have to cleared of yick, off-colored water, including the ice maker.  Was it a big thing, no it didn't turn out to be this time.  Was it something we did or caused?  No, it was not.  Still, it caused stress, anxiety & trashed what had been an alright day.  

Bad days are bad days.  But it's gotten to the point where I'm almost afraid of having good days.  Too much is just waiting to happen.

Take care.

Cya...

Yet Again...

 

Everything seemed normal when my telemedicine appointment began.  The nurse took my vitals & as we were preparing to go to the actual telemed part, it happened.  She asked me if I knew yet.   I didn't have any idea what she was talking about & thought that somehow my appointment had been cancelled.  

No, not cancelled, just a repeat of something that it seems I need to get used to.  The doctor I had been seeing just quit.  I have no idea why, but it must have been very recent, because his name was on everything that morning.  After the appointment, I checked, his name was gone.   My appointment was rather impromptu with a new doctor.   She could've been a resident or post residency.  For now, I will probably cycling through people until they hire a new full timer.  

My dentist did this to me.  My former telemedicine doctor did this.  My former primary care physician did this.  For a bit I saw a Nurse Practitioner at a walk in clinic.  I wasn't even an active patient when he left, but I still got a letter stating that by "this date" he would no longer be available.  That date was over a month after I received the notice.  A NP I was no longer seeing, was the only medical professional I've seen with enough courtesy & respect to be polite & informative.   That sucks.

I don't know what happened to my former telemed doctor.  I probably never will.  But there goes over a year of trying to get used to someone else.  I guess  professional rapport is just a thing of the past.

Anyway, I guess other than that chaos, the appointment went well.  I should be on a new med soon, Dovato.  I called my new primary & left a message about it.  I don't know if it's been received of not.   I go again in 6 months.

I don't appreciate surprises.

Cya...

Just Not...

 

For those celebrating, Happy Thanksgiving.  For everyone else, I hope you have a good day.  I'm not excelling at this holiday.  I tried, but I'm not thankful for much.  I have very little that isn't constantly challenging me & no I am not thankful for that.  I definitely did not need another cat, but I can't find anyone to take it.  Everyday seems to be a little reminder of how little I can actually do for myself or anyone else.  On top of that, people who should be there at least for my roomie, never seem to be when they're needed.   

As if I wasn't already in a crappy place, the town posted this morning, there won't be a trash pick up.  They could've done this anytime during the week.  But they waited until most people already had their trash taken to the curb.  That had to be hauled back.

I'll get the food together, but to hell with being thankful.  To everyone out there that has or would've helped me, thank you.  To everyone else, may you find the same as give.

Happy Food Day, not thankful.  Take care.

Cya...

Somewhat Restful...

 

Nothing happened this weekend.  Nothing else was dumped on our plates.  No balls of chaos crossed our stars during the last 48 hours.  That was great & we needed it.  Still, we're sick, exhausted & anxious.  Too much has happened in the less than 2 weeks.  At 1st it was just me & adjacent things, then it started hitting my roomie as well.  

The weekend without any crapfest was awesome, but we're still recovering.   We're gun shy about going out & doing anything, especially about getting mail.   That's not a worry today, there won't be any mail due to the holiday.

There was no call for any of what happened in our lives since late September.  We did nothing to incur it, still it happened.  Constant streams of things like this  crap is why people drink, do drugs, lose their minds, jump off bridges...

So Life, if you could, just kindly F'off for a while & let us be.  Share your "blessings" with others.  That's for now, take care.

Cya...

More Ugh & Waiting...

 

So much for October.  The search for a new primary care physician may be over.  It's as handled as it can be for the time.  The 1st place I called refused to give me a call back or an answer when I called.  I got an appointment with another PCP, but it's not until December, over 2 months out.   I guess I'll have to call my specialist about meds.   I hate this process.  I really hope this new place works.  I probably won't really calm down about this until I know it's handled well.

Life added more to this dogpile of crap on my life.  I'm heading out to go shopping yesterday morning.   My phone rings & I think it's the 1st primary I called finally returning my call.  It wasn't.  It was my dentist office having to postpone my Wednesday appointment until late November.   Just F'ing wonderful.

Apparently I won the crapfest lottery.   Every alleged professional in my life has decided to flake out & screw me over.  What's worse, is this wasn't aimed at me.  I was caught in the blast of their BS.  I was just acceptable, collateral damage due to their inability to be professional & do their damn jobs.

That's where things stand so far.  Hopefully, this is leftover Sucktember stuff.  Then maybe this month won't utterly suck.  Take care.

Cya...

Busy Week...

 

We're going to have an abnormally busy week for us.  Our rushed days are generally at the beginning of the month.  But between appointments, car issues, visits & possible other ventures, this time there's a lot.  We'll do what we can.  If something doesn't get handled now, I guess we'll catch it next week.    I hate it when you try to make a simple plan & then absolutely everything else decides it has to crap on your parade.  

That's all for now, we have to go shopping & then the week begins.

Cya...

The Enemy, Morning...

 

Mornings & I have never been on good terms.  They only bring fuckery.  Even when I was little with Saturday morning cartoons, I dreaded mornings.  They could lead to finding something wrong; a pissy sibling, a drunk parent, something broken, etc...

As I got older, some of those things were no longer problems, but other things came.  Other sources of stress & anxiety.  Now, I have to deal with SAD as well.   

Most mornings something is off.  When it isn't, I get more worried.  The longer it takes for the shoe to drop, the bigger the shoe.   The only way I can see to fix this would be for the to be no mornings.  There's nothing that can make that happen.  So this is my existence.  I won't call it a life.  It hasn't felt like that in a long time.  I go through the days & that's it.

I dread & despise mornings. 

Cya...

Bad Evening...

 

I didn't wake to a good morning yesterday.  Most of the day plateaued into a state of grey ugh.  Then evening came & it fell apart.  A series of stupid, frustrating crap began & wouldn't stop.   No specific incident was big & awful, but they wouldn't stop & none of our plans to deal with them were working.  We finally came up with something, but it took hours.  I went to bed stressed & strung out.  

It's grey again this morning & we have plans for the week ahead.  I'm really hoping they go off without any big hitches.  I just can't deal with much more.  

It looks like the scant holiday plans we had fell through again.  I think I'm done with that.  If something's going to happen then ask me after everyone else's shit is together.  Before that, leave me out of it.  The holidays are back to just being a bother.

Cya...

Rough Start...

 

I mentioned yesterday some of November's drama rolled over into the new month.  We finally resolved  what we could of it on our end & sat back.  Of course, we relaxed a bit too soon.  Later that afternoon, the washing machine breaks.  It had a loadful of clothes in a basin full of dirty water.  Our regular fix it guy wasn't answering.  We managed to get someone else out to fix the thing.  It was a stressful night again.  We plan on doing as little as possible the next couple of days.  Maybe we can recover a bit.

Cya..

Remorse...

 

I hate buying things.  I may have the worst consistent state of buyer's remorse, I've ever known.  Purchases of note are always a source of dread.  It won't work, it's not was needed or it's not was expected.  The worst is that something happens that I won't have the funds for after the purchase.

Mornings are my biggest source of buyer's remorse.  Getting out of bed is like buying the day.  This seldom works out in my favor.  Oh it's a good morning but the weather's crap.  You could actually slept in, but something needs handled.   It's a bright  morning, too bad Windows has umpteen updates that will all screw up & take too long.

Mornings suck.   I wish I could just skip waking up.  It never goes well for me.  This is the reason some of us hate mornings.   BTW, perky, happy, smiley morning people should be strung up.  To hell with your morning happiness, Bah the F' Humbug on you & yours for having the indecency to be a morning person.

Good day.

Cya...

Annoying...

 

Some mornings are just annoying & that was this morning.  You wake up feeling good & then the F'ery kicks in.  On mornings like this, it's usually nothing big, just a bunch of little crap lined up in a row; computer updates, ice maker issues, in the way cat...  In the morning, I'm just trying to go from grumbling, zombie stares to a real living person.  Leave me the hell alone.

Luckily, it's decently bright this morning & warming up a bit.  Neither will last long this week, so I'll take while I can.  Luckily, other than getting around, I don't have anything to do this morning.

I'm annoyed with Oklahomans.  For the past week, our daily number of new COVID cases has been over 12K.  We did have 30K+ active case with a rolling average in the 4K range.  Now we have over 110K active cases with a rolling average of new cases over 10K.   Oklahomans get yourself taken care of.  Either vax & be as safe as possible or just die already.

That's it for now.  Take care. 

Cya...