Understanding...

 

Things in my life have been challenging for so long, I'm almost always just on the edge of losing it.  It's less about losing my temper & more about having a mini to massive meltdown.  I can maintain some level of facade if things are going OK, but I don't have much left to deal with anything going sideways.

In the past, when I've talked to people about my family they don't get it.  They don't understand how someone could fall so deeply into being drunk or addicted.  They can't fathom just leaving things behind.  They don't see how these people could just explode & leave chaos in their wake. 

The thing is, I do.  I do see how it happened.  I don't agree or accept it, but I understand it.  I can see very well how easy it would be to just let go & dive into oblivion.  To just go out the door & never return.   I can picture everything that my parents did & how they got there.  I've done my best, when I could to avoid their paths, it hasn't always worked.  Sometimes their ways would've been so much easier, at least for a while.

This is why I don't buy the sympathy & empathy bit.  Too many people can't wrap their heads around people like my family.  So much for their alleged empathy.  My parents were very broken people.  It doesn't excuse what they did, but it explains a lot.  They were broken by people before them, like their parents.   The cycle goes on, until sometime steps out.  Stepping out of a thing like isn't easy & often not successful.

You can't have empathy or sympathy for something you can't relate to.  To do either requires an understanding most people don't have.  In my case, I hope they never have.  I don't ask for your sympathy.  It'd be nice if you could be more understanding, compassionate & kind.  But I have no need for you sympathy or empathy.  Those things are nice, but being nice is cheap.  Being kind can be hard & costly.

Take care.

Cya...

There's A Word For This...

 

So much of the last few years can be viewed the same.  From the behavior of politicians, the courts, idiots with guns, the police...  From the actions of companies like Netflix, movie makers or nations like Russia, there's words for this.  Alleged parent's groups want a stranglehold on everything.  Lately the weather has fallen into this category & my roomie likes a word for this, "Disrespectful."

That's the problem with almost everything these days, everything is disrespectful.  Politicians & courts screw the people.  Idiots with guns & the police revel in violence then whine when they're questioned.  Companies piss on us & tell us it's needed rain.  Anti abortion groups are willing to screw HIV funding to allegedly strike down abortion & trans.  Countries around the world only thrive on destruction.

At least those things could be helped.  Most likely, they won't be, but they could be.  The weather could've been helped a decade ago.  I'm not so sure now.  Enjoy the shitty, disrespectful world we made. 

Cya...

Maybe Just Being a Bit#%!...

Maybe I don't get it or maybe I'm just being a bit of a bitch.  But, I see articles about HIV+ people wanting to have children.  The numbers are large, always over 40% & that's including gay people.  I'm not posting articles, because all I've read on this matter so far has been mostly OpEd. 

But, if those numbers are anywhere near accurate, that's a massive amount of HIV+ people who want to be parents.   Why?  Why would you put yourself & a child through that?  It isn't easy living with HIV or being a parent.  Why would you want to combine the both of them?

These people don't seem to be implying they'd like to adopt either.  No, they have to have their own little genetic copies running amok.  We are still learning about HIV.  How it & the meds affect people, especially as they encounter other health matters, like aging.   Cognitive issues have been noted in child development among those children who were born with HIV or have to be treated for it at an early age.  There are so many issues about this we have no idea about.

HIV treatment is hard enough on adults.  We have no  certainty  of the long range effects on those born + or contracting the virus at an early age.   These offspring could be condemned to a life of hellish health issues; physical, mental & cognitive. 

OK, you want kids.  I don't get it, but fine.  So adopt.  You don't have to have copies of yourself.  Do you want to be a parent or egotist?   When there's a choice, we shouldn't condemn children to a life of being + or being born to + parents.  

Take care.

Cya...

Rare Transmision...

I saw this topic yesterday, but I was hoping they'd add more to it before I posted.  They haven't, so I'll post now.  There's been a report of a rare father-to-son, non-sexual transmission of HIV.   I'm not going to post many details, so read the article.  

Besides HIV, the father was being treated for 2 other illnesses that both caused him to have skin lesions.  These sores were oozing & he handled his infant.  He never thought he could transfer HIV that way.  However, he had chickenpox, which would've spread that way.  This was a case comorbidity in the father that led to the child's infection.  

I'm not going to judge the father's actions.  I don't know the details.  It could've been utterly necessary for him to touch the child.  It wouldn't have taken much to transmit chickenpox.   

My concern here is that people will think you can get HIV from just touching.   You can't.  This man had open sores, that were oozing infection & other bodily fluids.  He was also suspected to be at HIV's most virulent stage & the chance of transmission was high.  While any bodily fluid can transmit the virus.  Most don't have a high enough concentration to cause concern.  However combine bodily fluids with open sores/cuts or other contangions & you may have a problem. 

Be careful & take care.

Cya...

Bad Programming...

People in online groups I frequent are remarking how few life skills they have.   What few decent strategies they have to get through the hard times.  How bad they feel about mentioning their perceived shortcomings.   They're worried others will think they're whining or just working an angle.   Maybe some people do those things, but most of us are just admitting we're clueless, frustrated & scared.  We're failing at adulting & it isn't entirely our fault.

People should stop looking at children how they do.  They aren't toys, pets & mini-versions of their egoist progenitors.   They are little people, animals, that someday will have to fend for themselves & most are woefully unprepared for the fight ahead.

Parents should view kids as little bots that need programming.  They're the programmers.  At this point, most people are only programmed with self-doubt, insecurities, unrealistic ideals, useless trivia & precious little ability to actually cope with life.  Parent's have 1 job.  To raise children to be adults that can function in life.  The rest of is gratis & window dressing.

The majority of issues people have in their life originated, purposely or not, from their parents.   When you're little, your parents are primary source of everything, especially life coding.  Slowly, others start having impact on the skills & info people use to get through life.  Eventually, parents have little impact on their children & wonder why.

Maybe it's time to backpedal on the ego & emotion, so we can realize raising children is more like programming a robot than living a sitcom.   Coding is about a set of commands, being written succinctly & as redundantly as needed.   Raising a child is more about repetition & consistency than ideals & trivium. 

Just remember, "Crap in, crap out!"  Why would parenting be any different?

Cya...

Teenagers & HIV...

This article details how some in New York wish to allow teens confidentiality when it comes to HIV.  They can already be tested for the virus without parental approval or notification.  But they can't usually receive treatment.  Most avenues of treatment would require parental consent, especially for payment. 

The politicians & health workers cite a common sentiment among the poor, "Why get tested if I can't get treatment?"  These people wish to allow the teens to go forward with testing & treatment without parental involvement. 

I get some parents might be horrid & force their children from the home for being HIV+ or gay.  But, to totally remove parental involvement is stripping away parents to a ballistic extent.  Especially if they have to foot the bill.   The people pushing for this new confidentiality aren't only talking about treatment & testing, they're also talking about PrEP.   If a parent is expected to pay for their child, then they should be involved in the process. This would be a very intrusive act on the state's part.  How long before the state decides everything for your child & you just get the bill?

Parents can be intrusive.  But that's sort of their job.  They're not their to be their kids friends or ATM's.  Going through testing is trying enough without support.  This process could rob a child & a parent the chance of being their for each other during this time.  This is a not a place for a blanket statement.   Especially not 1 made by politicians looking for  reelection. 

What rights do parents have left?  They can barely discipline their children with facing legal action.  They can barely choose their children's activities without being accused of endangering their kids or of having free-range children.  Children need rights & they need advocates, but removing parents from the process is not the answer.

I came from a background where my parents removed themselves from my life.  That left me dealing with everything.  Sometimes there were government types involved, but my interest was never their motivations.  Their only drive was their own convenience. Removing parents from such a delicate, complicated & scary process will be disastrous.

Cya...

Yeah California...

There's big news in California today.  The governor signed into effect a law demanding vaccinations for kids.  The only exceptions will be medical.  Parents are going to scream they know what's best & their rights, blah, blah, blah.   Unless they're medical researchers or other medical staff, I doubt they know better  & screw their tights.  What rights?  The 1's where they don't vaccinate their kid & get to expose others to the virus?  That's BS.

Way to go California.  Promote vaccinations.  Measles shouldn't be something we think about in connection to your state.

Cya...

Medical Stuff & Teens...

Lately, there's been a lot of talk about medical procedures, meds & teens.  These have mostly revolved around  sex.  Should a teen be able to have access to:

• Birth control without a parent's consent?
• The Morning After pill without parental knowledge?
• Access to abortion services without parental consent?
• HIV testing without a parent's knowledge?

Teens are young & can make incredibly stupid mistakes, .  Not saying adults can't.  However, most young people don't have the experience to make some of life's more tricky choices.   In most instances, medical procedures & meds should require parental notification.  

However, not here.  If you're kid finds themselves needing any of the above mentioned medical options, then they're already playing an adult game.  Placing more pressure on them by confronting their parents with the news, may lead to even worse choices.   They could opt to have a baby in a bathroom & leave it in a trash can.

If we had adequate sex ed in our schools, part of this conversation might very well be moot.  But most schools have little, none or completely erroneous sex ed.   So here we are.  

If your kid wants birth control, at least they're trying to engage in sexual activity in a more educated & responsible manner than those who don't use contraception.    Use of contraception, depending on the type, could limit possibilities of STD's, HIV, pregnancy...  

If your teen is properly using contraception, then the need for some form emergency contraception is greatly lessened.  This also applies to abortions.  The proper use of condoms can limit the possible exposure to HIV.

If we let them have access to contraception & a reasonable amount of education to go with it we could alleviate the need for many of the other issues.  If a kid goes for a HIV test, at least they're trying to take some responsibility.  If they fear having to face both the test & their parents they may avoid both & be 1 of the many + people in the world living unaware of their HIV status.  That would not only endanger their own health, but most likely that of others as well.

To wrap it up, if you're kid is old enough to play the sex game, you had better give them all the tools they need to do it as intelligently as possible.  If that means parents take a back seat on some issues, then so be it.  Better the back seat, then none at all.

Cya..