The Now...

 

The Now & I don't have a good relationship.  Even in my head, I'm rarely in the now.  I'm not even this age, It varies where, when & who I am.  Sometimes I'm a little kid, a younger teen, older teen, 20 something, but none of them are here & now.  I'm in places I've been, wanted to be or that never were.  It's not always great, but it's almost always better than the now.  I'm not always in the past, sometimes my thoughts go forward & that's even worse.  Instead of nostalgia & regret; I get angst, worry & dread.  

I don't think I should've ever been.  Or maybe, I should've been a short run concept.  But life as it is & the Now, never felt like they were meant for me.  I was trying to wear someone else's wardrobe & do their lines.   

A new year is crashing in on us & I don't anticipate good tidings, pleasant surprises or opportunities.  I'm waiting for the shoe to drop.  At this point, it's more apt to rain anvils.  Meatloaf had it right.

It was long ago and it was far away and it was so much better than it is today - Paradise By The Dashboard Lights - 1977.

That's it, take care.  The end is almost here, so wrap it up or set it free.

Cya... 

Try As I May...

 

The best I can be about things at the moment is ambivalent.  I think I'm more honest in the mornings.  I'm not awake enough to put on the charade of the living.  I'm not looking to die, but living doesn't seem to offer much better options.  I'm not looking forward to anything & I haven't in a while.  

If I look forward, I only see things being worse off than they are now.  That's not a pleasant thought.  If I look back, I get depressed over things I've lost & bad decisions I made.   So, I try to stay in the right here & now.  Unfortunately, that's not easy.  We have to make plans months out.  We have to worry about upcoming events.   Then there's things like Youtube dragging me back to my teens.

The now's a hard place to stay.  I'm not saying the now is safe.  But, at least I might be able to do something about the now.  Then things start picking at the now.

I keep seeing people who got me through my childhood & teens getting older.  They're not those people.  In my head Cyndi Lauper looks just like she did when I saw her,  Fun Tour, on October 7, 1984 In Tulsa, OK at Mohawk Park.   It was the same weekend as OKon.  It was a fun, weird weekend with people I haven't seen in decades.

Now I see Cyndi & the reality sets in on me.  Yesterday, I saw the Marty Krofft had passed.   Him & his brother made my childhood a lot easier, happier & brighter.  At least he got to see the 1st Krofft Con.   I hope he heard Tra La La on the way out.  Goodbye Mr Krofft & thanks for all the laughs.

The future is depressing, the past is lost & the now is damned difficult.  Sometimes opting out seems very sensible.  Like the song says, stop the world. Don't worry about me, I'll be able to fake it all in a moment or so after a little more caffeine.

Cya...

Present....

 

Occasionally, I google places from my  past.  It's almost always a mistake.  They say, "Don't meet your heroes," & "Kill your darlings."  I'd like to add  to that, "Don't look back."  

You may not lose your love or turn to salt, but you probably won't like what you see.  Unlike in your memories, time marched on & whatever happened in your absence, happened.  You may find your perspective challenged, your hopes dashed or nostalgia failure.  Sometimes the past reminds of things better left forgotten.

In the mid 90s they made a TV mini  series called, The Langoliers,  based off a 80's Stephen King novella .   It's  about a group that somehow got lost in the past.  Nothing was how it should've been, everything was off.  It was barely a representation of the time with everything drained out it.  Eventually,  these creatures were seem eating at the edges of everything.  Devouring everything in the path.  The past isn't meant to be lived in, only languished.  

When the people escape, they find themselve no longer in the past, but a bit in the future.   Where the past was like a hollow black & white picture.  The  future had yet to take shape & focus.  Slowly they sank back into the present where they were supposed to be & things returned to normal.

The point is, people live in the here & now.  Even if they ever were "good ole days," they gone now.  They're part of a past that can't be reclaimed.  Too  many of us live in a faded past or try to push into a  fuzzy future.  That's not where we live.  We are of the moment, the present.  "Welcome to now."

Cya...

CPT31...

 

Going to be honest, this article is a little headier than those I usually post.  It's not too jargon heavy, but fairly into the mechanics of how this new drug works to fight HIV.  

Scientists from the University  of Utah & the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) are looking into a drug being referred to as CPT31.  This approach is an injection of a long acting medication meant to interfere with the virus's fusion. These fusion inhibitors also known as entry inhibitors are among the newest approaches in the fight against HIV.   Simply, they block integration of HIV into host cells.  

This is a long read compared to most articles, but it is interesting.  Approaches like this could be the future of the fight against HIV.  We could eventually see the end of traditional pharmaceuticals being used as the primary approach.   Give this a read.

Cya...