Summer Is Here...

 

The Summer Solstice is here.  It's going to start getting hot, if these clouds ever leave.  I'd much rather it be a bit hotter & drier, than cooler & humid.  It's the last third of June.  The weather forecast keep bouncing between sunny & hot or thunderstorms & sticky. 

Hotter weather will mean using more electricity for the AC.  It could also mean the grass starts getting mowed less & some of the bugs die back a bit.  I'm trying to have a decent Summer.  I've got a feeling this I'm not going handle this Fall well.   I really wish I could just stop at the beginning of September & not wake until March was nearly over.   I find the time in between not worth it all.

Welcome Summer, let it be a good season.

Cya...

Not Optimum & The Stupid Orange...

 

I was actually having a decent day yesterday & then it rained & we had to go shopping.  Walmart's parking lot was mostly fenced off so they could repave.  The open part was packed.  For some reason, with the parking lot, twice the shoppers seemed to be there.  

It was not fun.  But still, I was having an OK day.  I guess that was just too much for things.  About 5:30, the internet went down & stayed out until this morning.  Something just had to keep pulling at the threads & my decent day unraveled.  Maybe I'm just not supposed to have those.

I found an article that continues to show monstrous nature of the orange bastard & his ilk.  tRump has signed an executive order to end all AIDS funding to South Africa.  In this country where a rich, white minority created apartheid, a situation that's impact is still felt today, the orange feels white people are being treated badly.  There is no evidence of this.  White people are no longer being treated like nobility.  This is the country where some of the richest, white people come from like Elon Musk.

tRump also says it's because they opposed Israel's war, that they country shouldn't be helped.  The promise of US AIDS funds has been broken.  The administration may single-handedly bring back the HIV epidemic of the 80s.  Way to go MAGA.

Cya...

PS - It's the last day of Spring 2026 & it might find some sunlight sometime today, maybe not.  Spring was not a great season for me.

Another Wet June Morning...

 

June has been a lackluster month again.  It could've easily passed April with the rain, storms & gloom.  I guess sunny Junes are a thing of the past.  I wonder how wedding traditionalists feel about that.  A July wedding it is then.  

We've got shopping & that's about it today.  I'm glad.  It's hard to get motivated to do anything with this dreary weather.

That's all, take care.

Cya...

A Bit Rough...

 

The night before last night, right before I was getting ready for bed, there were skunks outside.   There was that smell & it was intense.   This time though, it made me nauseous & give me a headache.  

I spent a lot of yesterday with migraine like symptoms, minus the migraine.  Sounds, smells, lights were all much intense than they should've been.  Things were fading until about 5 or so.  Then the lawn guy showed & mowed.  The noise & smell pushed me right back into it.   Then the nausea & headache were back & watery eyes were an add-on.  

Hopefully today is skunk-free & my head can clear out.  That's all for now, take care,

Cya...

Pointless...

 

If I could rewrite this story, I'd end it on the night I graduated with my doctorate.   That was the last high point I had & even that wasn't great.  I knew I didn't have anything lined up after.  It's been downhill since & that was decades ago.  If I'd died then, there would've been some accomplishment,  acknowledgement.  It wouldn't have devolved into the crapfest of failure it became.  

I'd definitely ended it before I moved here.   That was a horrible decision.   I wouldn't have made it into the 2000's & got diagnosed.  At every point that there's been some sign of possibility the door has always closed; sometimes slowly, others slammed. 

The people of this state slammed another door last night.  They voted to keep the lowest possible minimum wage.  If I could, I'd move, but that's not really an option.  I'm pretty sure I won't be changing locations until I die.   The entire state's a trap.

To every asshat that voted against helping others make a decent living, your malignant selves are destroying the thing you say you love.  Talk about an abusive relationship.

Cya...

FDA, Gilead, Yeztugo Again...

 

This article notes the FDA is allowing Gilead to proceed with an investigation into prescribing Yeztugo as a weekly, oral PrEP med.  It's already approved as a bridge between normal PrEP medications & the long acting, injection of Yeztugo or lenacapavir. 

If successful, it will be another option for prevention.  Some people may want or not tolerate the long acting injections for PrEP.  For them, oral meds may remain the better option.  Still, weekly means 52 doses not 365.   That's over 300 less pills & chances to miss the dose.

This was a good article, give it a read.  Take care.

Cya...

Little Green Felt Was Wrong...

 

A notable Yoda quote is, “No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.”  The implied meaning is that saying you'll try is creating a built-in plan for accepting failing as an outcome.  I get what is meant here, but I still call BS.  There are people that go into things with everything intent on "doing" but don't succeed.  They're efforts ended in failure & they will have to decide whether of not to "try" again.    

Like it or not, failure is always an option.  No matter how much plan, how hard you push, how much you want; you can still fail.  That isn't, "do not."  That's a failed attempt.

I find this approach almost as awful as being toxically positive.  There's a near aggressive mindset to this philosophy, that if you fail it's always on you.  You didn't push hard enough, plan well, believe, have faith, cross your fingers or some other nonsense.  Sometimes you fail no matter what.  They say what comes next is the important part.  But sometimes there's just not enough left to push again.

I never liked that muppet.

Cya...

More Rain Dumped...

 

It poured over an inch more rain last night.  We're near, if not over double the monthly rainfall.  That left this morning dark & hazy.  I doubt there will be any sunlight today, just a harsh glare through the clouds.  Upside to this, is the temperature should be lower.

Not much going on here.  I've somehow hurt my left hand.  It was sore most of yesterday.  It's still a little sore this morning.  Hopefully, this will calm down.   I really don't need another health issue.

That's it for this morning.  Take care.

Cya...

Hazy Meh...

 

Another June is being wasted by damned clouds & storms.  This morning has been aggressively hazy.  The neighbors were loud this morning & the humidity is still high.  It's supposed to storm more tonight.  Like we needed that.    

June 2026, you are sucking.  When did this month become nearly the darkest of year?  There's more light later in the day, but most of it is still dreary.  

Besides waking achy & dehydrated, that's my gripe for this morning.  Take care.

Cya..

Could've Gone Better...

 

This crappy 2026 Spring continues with more haze, drear & storms.   It's gotten hot, but any light has been fleeting.  This muggy, dark mess sucks.  It rained more last night.  A little more & it'll double the monthly rainfall average.  

Neither of us felt well yesterday.  I wound up forgetting something we planned on doing.  It'll have to get handled this morning on top of all the normal Friday stuff.   Way to go me, make more of a mess for yourself.

I need to get around.  We have shopping & errands.  Hopefully nothing else pops up.  

Take care.

Cya...

Seasonal Wrap...

 

The solstice is near.  Weathermen started Summer at the beginning of the month.  Spring is leaving for the year.   I think it's time to take a bit of an assessment.  I'll try to be honest.  This Spring was not fun, good or helpful.  It was dark, & trying.  

The weather last year was no better, but we seemed to be in a better place.  There were plans, ambitions, goals...  But all that's pretty much gone.  It was always a possibility that would be the way of things, but for a while things had traction.  Not trying to point blame here.  I'm certainly not helping much.  But, I don't see things making a come back.  

Things started fading late last Fall.  There were reasons.   A different tactic was tried & seemed to help for a bit.  Then that was gone too.  By deep Winter things had fizzled.  I didn't say anything for a bit, then later I did & there were acknowledgements.  By February, as far I could tell, it was all gone.  Spring brought more issues, challenges & not much else.

Things could change, but I think that chapter's closed.  Again, it's not like I was doing much.  Maybe The Sundays had it right, "Here's where the story ends."  I don't know what this Summer holds.  I doubt it'll anything good for me.   The season will start with no real plans on my part, just a fair certainty things will only get worse.

Cya...

Brighter, Warmer & Steamier...

 

It finally got brighter yesterday, but after all that rain, it's a steam pit.  It'll take a bit for all that moisture to burn off.  It won't help if we get a lot more rain.  

It's bright again this morning.  That made it easier to wake up.   It's still very muggy.

I tried a different kind of store bought chili.  I usually make ours at home.  This stuff was awful.  I tossed the leftovers out in the yard.  It's still there this morning.   Usually with an hour or so, whatever I toss out is gone.  It's almost gone by the next day.  That means, no animal traipsing through my yard wanted anything to do with that stuff.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

PS - Keep forgetting to say that the rose of sharon bushes & tiger lilies have been blooming for about a week.

Dreary, Wet & Muggy...

 

The area monthly rainfall averages were met & surpassed by the 1st week of June.  There's some local flooding, but I haven't seen any postings about anything serious.   That could change with more rain still in the forecast.  

It's still dreary & muggy.  This isn't fun to wake up too.  It makes getting around hard.  This time of year, putting clothes on after a shower is a sticky process.  

There were articles, mostly over things I've posted about a lot.  Some posts seemed too in the "proof-of-concept" phase to be worth it.  At least there was something.

I'm trying to do better this morning.  These skies aren't helping any.  It's nearly Summer Solstice & it's still this dark.  Summer used to be my reprieve, now there's nothing.  

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

It's Trying...

 

2026 is turning out to be a bad year for me.  2025 was hard & it crashed into this year.  The expenses kept coming.  It's stayed dark & dreary.  Very little is moving along like it should.  Everything is just trying.

It's June & it's still dark.  Things that should've been settled months, perhaps years ago, are still ongoing.  New crap keeps popping up.  I can only juggle so much.

The 1st week of June has been rough.  I've been in panicky, anxious & mad.  It's looking like another dark Summer.  I've spent a couple of days so wound up, I thought was going to be sick.  I never was, but the queasiness & nerves just wouldn't settle down.  

I've been diagnosed with HIV, had pneumonia, COVID, a stroke, etc...  But so far this year has feels like it belongs in the top 3 of my worst years of the 2000s.  What's bad is, I know it could get worse.  I'm just trying to get through this & I'm not doing that very well.

Take care.

Cya...

Healthspan & Flu Meds...

 

There's a continuum between quality & quantity.   Most opt for the most over the best.   I want the most candy over a single bite of the best.  But that shouldn't be the case when it comes to a person's life.  Lifespan is how long someone will live.  But another concept healthspan or healthy life expectancy, is how long the individual will life in a mostly healthy state absent of chronic illness or injury.  

When it comes to HIV, new meds have led to a near normal lifespan.  That isn't always the case for healthspan.  Many with HIV+ age faster than normal & face health issues earlier or more intensely; cognitive decline or increased susceptibility to some cancers.  

According to this piece, this is due to the inflammation caused by HIV even when suppressed.  HIV impacts the bodies ability to fight.  The research reported a sugar molecule in the body called glycans help control inflammation.  While glycans dip as we age, it can be worse for women as the enter menopause.  But in HIV+ people these glycans levels lessen & with that their ability to control inflammation.

Research is studying a medication to inhibit this effect.  A group of meds referred to as sialidase or neuraminidase inhibitors can lessen degradation of glycan levels.  These compounds are found in common anti-flu meds such as Tamiflu.  

This research is in the very beginning, but could prove very useful.  They aren't promoting flu meds as a treatment for HIV related inflammation.  They're saying the chemicals in these meds could be lead to new treatments for the condition.  Which could impact a host of inflammation induced ailments.

Give it a read.  Take care.

Cya...

Not a Good Friday...

 

This isn't a good morning.  There's a more talk of HIV funding getting further cut.  There's also the chance they could require HIV+ work requirements to get medicaid.   I'm not sure what this will mean for me.  Of course they aren't giving the choice to end it all.  I think with the way things are, a lot of people might choose that option.  

It's a crappy dark morning & it's like I feel every miserable cloud.  I don't think I'm getting over SAD ever.  I hate waking up so damned much.  It's in the top worst things I ever do.   It takes me hours just to be functional & then more time to feel normal.  By then, it's getting dark again.  Things aren't & probably won't ever get better.

There's errands & bills to handle.  Take care.

Cya...

Some Done & Finally...

 

The beginning of bills & some errands were handled yesterday.   I picked up my meds & by the time we got home, the lawn guy was mowing.  We're happy about that.  It'd been over a month since the yard got handled.  It was a shaggy mess.  But, it took that long for the rain to stop & grass to dry enough to be cut. 

We don't have much on for today.  We'll finish the bills tomorrow.  That's it for now.

Take care.

Cya...

June Stuff...

 

It's the 1st of the month, time to handle bills & errands.   I need to pick up meds today.  We're hoping to get the lawn mowed soon.  It looks like a meadow.  But it keeps raining & drenching everything.  It dumped over an inch yesterday.  This stupid version of June is supposed to be rain happy & dark.  So much for dealing with SAD.  

That's it for now.  I need to get things done so we can deal with all this.  Take care.

Cya...

Still Dark In June...

 

Again June is a dark mess.  It's almost Summer & this looks like a morning in January.  Of course it had to storm.  It was supposed to last night & didn't.  That made sleeping less than pleasant.  I'm just tired of this.  Why the hell did I wake up?

I needed this dark crap to be over, but hey that doesn't matter.  The mood I've been in, the world could burn & I'd be fine.  I'm just too over this to care about much anymore.  I'm tired of being scared, anxious, stressed.  I'm just tired & pissed that I woke up.  

I have a 80s pin somewhere that says, "Life's a bitch & then you die."   That's not right.   Life is a bitch, but you don't just to die, you linger.    You don't thrive, you just exist.

That's it this morning.  To hell with June & its BS storms & drear.  Apparently there is no bright season anymore.  I hope all you cloud lovers choke.

Cya...

Hello June...

 

Hello June, I know it's a lot to ask, but it'd be great if this was a nice month.  I need really need it.  I've not been doing that well & this is my last season of being in my 50s.  

I haven't had a good year in quite a while.  I can barely get a decent few hours.   I was more hopeful last year at this time.  There were possibilities, I think those are gone.  

The small wants I had; to be more secure, less scared & anxious, to have some small things to look forward, to not die in this damn hovel, etc...  I let myself think it might be possible.  I did it to myself again.  It's unlikely any of that will ever happen.  

June, I repeat my request for a nice month.  It doesn't have to be anything big, just pleasant & a little less stressful.  I'm tired of waking up & being angry I'm still here.  I dont' want any seasons in my 60s.  Things will only be worse.  Nothing's coming, nothing's going to get better.   

It feels like there's so little of me left.  Every time something looks like it could be good or get better, it's a fake out or a let down.  Even if something good did come along.  It'd be just enough to screw things up, not fix anything.  I want things to go well or just end.  

That's all, hello June, sorry for the ask.

Cya...