Letting Go....

 

We're almost 100 days into 2026.  It was OK for a bit. But since then, I feel like I've just been sinking & getting mired in things around me.  I haven't felt well & things just keep going by & adding on.  

I don't have much for distractions or simple pleasures left in my life.  The main 1 had has gotten to the point of not being maintainable.  2  years ago, it was half the price & lasted about a month.  Now, with the price doubled it's going by way too fast.  Another thing, I'll let go of.  That's getting close to the end of things.   I guess this what they mean by not being able to have nice things.

I'll try to look at it in a way that I'm saving money & calories.  Still, it wasn't something I wanted to do.  But, there it is.  Another thing gone.  I'm done.

Not a good morning.

Cya...

Different & Same Old....

 

I was going to post about this article yesterday, but things happened.  It's from AmFAR & it's recognizes the current limits of HIV regimens, mostly ARTs.  It proposes the use of immunotherapy to extend the benefits of current meds.  It focused on broadly neutralizing antibodies (bNAbs) and an immune-stimulating agent (a TLR9 agonist).  This wasn't proposing a cure, but a step in a new direction for treating HIV.  Maybe, if this works, it could lead to a functional cure.

I haven't been doing well.  I'm just tired, detached &  ready just to let go.  This has been exhausting.  2026 is going to bring a lot changes to my assistance programs.  The orange asshats say it's for health.  They don't care about any poor person's well being.  They just get off on punching down & harming those who can't really fight back.  If every orange follower would just die, the world would be a better place.

My sister called.  The call itself was benign.  I guess she needed to touch base with me, so she could say did.  Between everything going one, the time of the year, the alleged holiday happening & governmental BS, I'm just over it.   That call just reminded me or how much of an afterthought I've always been to those people related to me.  If I wasn't that I was a bother or nuisance to them.  I have a hard time seeing my life being any worse if I'd never met any of my relatives. 

I didn't need to see 59, another holiday season or 2026.  There won't be anything for me.  My life will continue to descend into worse levels.  So yeah, I don't care about 2026.  It'll only be a worse version of 2025.

Sorry for the bummer, but do give the article a read.  It could be a new direction for HIV treatment.  Take care.

Cya...

Letting Go...

As a kid, my family rambled all over.  I constantly had to give up things or lost them.  During my 20's, I'd have people come up & call me by name.   They'd look familiar, but I couldn't recall them.  They knew me from somewhere I'd lived before.  They always had more recollection of me than I did of them.  It was very uncomfortable.   I'd do my best to recall, but I usually couldn't.  They probably felt very insulted.

Part of being a kid with parents like mine, was having to block things out.  To make yourself forget places, things & even people.   You had to live in the now.  The past was gone & who knew what the future was going to be.

As I got older & my parents were no longer part of my life, I swerved the other direction.  I resisted letting go of things in my life, even if they weren't the best thing for me.  I held onto crappy jobs, questionable friends, junky stuff, etc...

The idea of letting go just seemed wrong.  I wasn't above purging clutter from my life.  I actually like that.  But things that meant something to me could become objects of burden I had a real problem getting rid of. Keeping these things gave me some sense of control.  Not a good 1, but still it was something.

My roomie can have similar issues & neither of us like letting go of things that are still in good shape.  If we can find someone who can use them, that's great.  If not, they tend to linger in our lives.

Sometimes, we find things are becoming burdens in our lives.  Unnecessary things take up needed space.  Annoying people just won't push things far enough to give the boot.  Books or shows become a task to endure.   

Still, for some time, we push on with these white elephants.  Because we feel like we're betraying these things.  Like if we only tried a little harder or a little longer things might work out.  But, they won't.

It's best to treat this like a bandage.  Grab the edge & yank.  It'll be uncomfortable, but then it'll be over.  The slow way only prolongs the discomfort.   

We recently gave up on a TV show.  It was 1 we really liked & we still like the characters.  But, the writers ruined it.  It's only a TV show, but still that twinge of remorse was there.  I'm glad we let it go, but still I'd rather it just had worked out in the 1st place.  Now I'll wonder what could've been with that show.

I'm not a hoarder, the idea repulses me.  However, when you've had some much taken away from as a child on repeated occasions, it gets very hard to relinquish these things & the control or stability they represent.  That TV show is gone from my life,  I'm fine with that.  But, I'm angry stupid people ruined something of mine.

That's part of my problem with my current HIV specialist situation.  The idea of letting go of my old 1 & changing, makes me trepidatious & angry.  If only my old doctors had just kept themselves functioning in a more conducive manner, I wouldn't be going through this now.   But, here I am.   I'm holding onto the past, because it's familiar & I'm resistant to this change.  I hate jumping headlong into things.

Cya...

Letting Go & Moving On...

My roomie has a blog & in this entry she talks about inner drives; will, preservation, creation & destruction.  I've talked about letting go in this blog before.  I am trying to take hold of the backpack philosophy from the novel & movie Up In The Air.  

Lately we've been really cleaning the house & letting go of a lot of crap.  Junk I wasn't even aware was still there.  For the last 2 weeks our pile for the garbage men has been huge.   The point is that all this crap was in my life, taking up space & serving no purpose except to clutter up my home.  

This stuff was robbing me of space.  It was collecting dust full of allergens.  It was allowing vermin (fleas mostly) to hide from me.  The piles of stuff were crowding my life & stressing me out. The process has been a bit of a pain, especially to my sinuses, but it'll be worth it.  The place is already looking & feeling better & we're only about 2/3 of the way done.

Again, I ask, what can you let go of?  What's in your life just taking up space & giving nothing back?  Letting go of these things is a rather glorious process.  It literally feels like you're lightening your load.  Give it a try.

Cya

Letting Go

I am a Virgo, therefore a creature of habit.  I am the person that stayed at the crappy job way too long, simply because I was used to it.  I am the person that stayed involved with someone just because the situation was familiar like an old shoe.  I get into habits, like what I want to eat, when I do this or that or what I watch on TV.  I've been coming to terms with that last one lately.  I have decided that Mondays nights suck for TV, at least for me, unless I go to serious rerun land.  

 

I've been watching House for years & up until the last two seasons I've found it fairly fun.  Harry's Law was something new by David E. Kelly who I usually like.  Chicago Code, well it was on in between so I tried to watch it.

Chicago Code turned out to be a show entirely built on stereotypes & stock imagery, boring & loud.  BTW, making something loud, doesn't make it less boring, it just ups to the annoyance factor.  Harry's Law started out promising.  I love the characters, but there really isn't any story.  It's more like a lot of bad Saturday Night Live skits & dramatic improv sewn together.  Maybe season two will be better, i'm willing to look back at later if it makes it to a second season.

Now House is the problem for me.  It has become a habit, comfortable & expected.  Lately though they have slaughtered my show with poorly written slop.  There are tons of places to catch up with what's going on with the show if you don't watch it, so I won't recap.  The point is that one of my fav shows is going down the tube & I have to decide will I commit to watching the death throws or will I make like a rat & abandon ship.  Before, I would've stayed loyal & complained all the way.  Now, I'm not so sure.  I'm willing to give the show a chance to dig itself out of the steaming pile they've buried themselves in, but not too much of one.  

This may not sound like much of a revelation to you, but for me it is.  It's another place in my life where I can take out the proverbial trash.  I am not willing to watch shows that I really don't like. If I feel compelled to look at it, I will do so online where I can fast forward through the crap scenes.  I hope House improves, but if it doesn't it won't be the end of the world.  It's just a TV show & no longer that good of one.  My life won't end if I break this habit.  Hell, it'll probably just make room for me to get a new one.  See that's the thing we habitual folks may trade habits but we rarely, if ever, entirely get rid of them.  

Seems like my Monday nights may soon be open, maybe I'll catch up on my Netflix list or something else I need to do, who knows.