There's The Door September...

 

This is the last day of what I like to call Sucktember.  It may be the month I was born in, but it's usually a wretched month for me.  This year it tried to cook us in an air fryer; hot, dry & windy.  Now, part of the kitchen faucet has broken.  Hopefully, we can just replace the part & not the whole tap.  If not, it's a new faucet & a plumber.

This is a link to AMFAR's site over current statistics concerning HIV in the US.  It' covers basic matters & demographics.  It's general info, but things we need to keep aware of.

That's all for now, goodbye September.  Why are  you never a good month for me?  Take care.

Cya...

First Jolt...

 

I'm not sure why, but I had my 1st jolty waking of the season.  I never do well with seasonal change.  But, so far, the shift hasn't been that notable.  I wasn't in a weird place when I went to bed, but still there was a jolt & I was a awake.  

It's almost always the same.  I wake & set straight up only for the cortisol to kick in hard.  It takes me a while to get things to calm down & sometimes I'm not awake enough to realize what's happening.  Things can get worse then, panicky.  But this morning, the jolt was accompanied, but a sudden nose bleed.   By the time I got to the bathroom to clean up, it had stopped.  I guess I'm too dried out from fans & ragweed. 

I hate jolting awake.  Cortisol kills me & can trash my energy levels for the rest of the day.  Yay, the dark of the year has arrived.  To hell with everything from from the 'Ber months until April.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Short Days...

 

The dark outlasted the light yesterday.  The days are getting shorter & I'm trying not to focus on it.  The sun's nearly gone by just after 7 PM.  The Harvest Moon took Summer & the light.  Maybe it took some of the harshness with it as well.  

Having less fans on is a mixed bag.  There's lower electric use & less fan drone, but there's a lot more background & outside noise now.  The fans muffle a lot of other sound.  Now, it's back to relearning what the normal sounds are, so I can tune them out. 

Of all the birds to come back, it's either a mockingbird or catbird.  Their loud calls are similar.  It's sort of amazing such a small bird can make that much noise.

Like it or not, Fall is here.  I hope I do better this year.  I'm not asking for well, that's a biggie, just better.  A couple more days & Sucktember will be over.

Take care.

Cya...

National Gay Men’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Day...

 

Today is NGMHAAD, I'm not typing that again.  Here are a couple of sites, AIDSVU & POZ.  AIDSVU was the better piece, POZ's seemed like an afterthought.  HIV.gov & the CDC used to have good pages, but not this year.  Gee, I wonder why?

There used to be more info on this day.  Any way, these 2 sites can get you started.  This is a day of awareness, learning & remembering how things were.  There's been enormous efforts made to move us forward.  But there's always been resistance.  It's not over yet & may never be.

And the band played on...

Take care.

Cya...

Harvest Moon...

 

Last night was the 1st night of the Harvest Moon.  This moon marks the change of seasons & intent.  It's important partly due to agrarian ties.  It'll be cold & dark past this.  It had many names but the meaning stayed the same.  This is the last chance to do what you need to do & let go of the rest, the door's nearly closed.  

Tonight's the height of the moon.   There are practices of noting of what you're grateful for, what's been challenging & what needs to left behind.  It's a time for letting go those matters & that you.  I wish I was better at that.  I never have been.  Some of us have been so defined by those challenges, obstacles & things that would destroy us, we're not sure what, if anything, would be left of us, if we were to release those things.

If I had learned how to let go when I was young, I doubt I'd even recognize that version of me.  If those things had been removed, let go of or recovered from, this me would not exist.  It's a thrilling concept, but also a little sad & awful.  This me can only exist if there is the crapfest, trainwreck known as my life.  Isn't that a joyful thought.

Still, the moon makes me smile & let go, even if just a for a brief moment.  I try to look for it as often as I can.  Stars are nice, but none of those wishes ever came true.  The moon's just there, a rare constant in my life.  Look up, remember, try to forgive yourself, let go & make way for the new.  

Take care.

Cya...

The Lasts Of September 2026...

 

Yesterday was the last Thursday of the month.  A couple of more shopping trips & another round of trash to the curb & this month's have-to's will be handled.  As usual, this hasn't been an easy month for me.  The heat & humidity nearly did me in.  There's almost 2 hours less light & the dark days are nearly here.  

I'm hoping September takes the heat with it.   August gave us our highest electric usage bill ever.  September's wasn't far behind.  But last night I only had the table fan near me.  Not the small window fan, the box fan & the giant metal beast going.  The metal fan hasn't been on in a 2 days now.  Last night was the time in months I've only needed the side fan.  Maybe this month's bill will be closer to normal.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Cooling A Bit...

 

It was actually in the low 60°s overnight.  We're not supposed to see the 90°s today.  There are still some 90°+ days in the long range forecast, but most are in the 80°s.  There could even be some overnights in the high 50°s this week.  We don't need to drop too quickly, but the cooler nights are appreciated.  This is still going to be another high electric use month, but maybe October will drop back to normal for us.

The problem with finally getting a little good sleep after not having much for a long time is that you start to realize just how depleted you really were.  It's going to take quite a few nights of decent sleep to even start to undo this level of drain.  I've been running on fumes for too long.  

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Lingering Heat...

 

It's Fall & we've already lost nearly 2 hours of light.  The days are barely 12 hours long.  Yet, it's still in the 90°s.   It's still humid, it's still too warm, but the sun is fading fast.  This is just adding to my disdain for the 'Ber months & the dark of the year.  

The last 2 years, I've had a rough time with SAD.  I really needed decent Summers to get past it.  Those Summer's never showed.  There were just these last 2 seasonal failures.  I guess my favorite time of the year is gone.  My SAD lasts longer, allergies never seem to go away, this is BS.  There just doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. 

That's it for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Fall Equinox 2026...

 

That's all folks, it may be still be hot, but Summertime has ended.   From a meh to hellish Summer we're heading into the dark of the year.   2026 has sucked so far, there's no reason to think the remaining 100 days will prove any better, gentler or kinder.

Goodbye Summer, you were mostly awful.  Hello Fall.  I'm sure you're just waiting to show everyone how a bad season is really done.  It'd be great if something nice happened this season.  I doubt it will, still it'd be pretty agreeable.

Let the leaves & twigs stay where they fall.  It's nature's art & helps the little things.

Take care.  

Cya...

What's Normal...

 

It's not unusual for an article suggest making various things "normal" in treating, maintaining & living with HIV.   The problem is that this approach assumes there is a base starting point for most people.  That's just not valid.  

I don't have nearly the resources many people in the US have.  I'm rural, of limited resources & don't have much in the way of support.  It's me, my roomie, my medical providers, my pharmacist & that's it.   Only my roomie has anything more that a passing interest.  I'm doing what I can with what I have.  Is it a lot, is it even enough?  No, it probably isn't.   There are a lot of things that could've made these last 2+ decades easier, better, more fulfilling, etc...

That being said, I still have it better than a lot of HIV+ people.  I'm living in a place where I can get medical & pharmaceutical care, even as cursory as it is.  I'm not living in a place where my sexuality or HIV is criminalized or utterly ostracized.  I'm not living in a poor country dependent on a psycho tyrant for funding to get medical care.

What I'm saying, is that things could be worse, it'd be nice if they were a lot better.  There is no across the board "normal" for HIV patients across my state, let alone the US or the world.  Stop trying for blanket approaches, they'll never work.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

If It Holds...

 

This isn't as much a post as it is a hopeful thought.  I don't trust weather forecasts much.  This is Oklahoma, the weather everywhere is weirder than it used to be & there's just a lot of variables that can change without much notice.   If it's past a week out, it's very much a maybe.  If it's 3-5 days, it's fairly possible, if  it's just 2 days out there's still a chance it could blow up & be different.  But a day out, I'm hoping that's more certain.  

If the forecast holds, today could be the last day for the AC to be on for a while.  If it holds, this week could be the last of the 90°s.  We could actually be getting to more seasonal temps.  Then again, there are only 2 days left before the dark of the year officially begins with Autumn.

2026, so far you have been a suckfest.  Nothing about the weather has been that great.  Too much rain when we didn't need & none when we did.  We'll most likely be seriously short for rain this month as well.  Then there's the orange asshat's BS & his cult.  2026 has been a dumpster fire.  Too bad the wrong trash is burning.

That's it for today.  May the forecast be accurate.  Take care.

Cya...

Bit Better...

 

It was a bit easier to sleep last night.  It wasn't cool, but it was better.  The forecast calls for most of the high 90°+ temps to be gone in a few days.   We'll still hit the 90°s, but not as high & have cooler nights.  The night temps are what will really help.  Maybe we can sleep better.  Maybe some of these fans can be put up for the season.  That'd be nice.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

HIV/AID & Aging Awareness....

 

Today is a day of recognition for those people living with HIV & getting older.  There have been many estimates of how many HIV+ people are 50+, it's usually over half.  So, most of us now fall into this category.  There are many articles on this matter, facebook groups, info sites, etc...  This is a good starter site.  It's with the national health service & has links to other sites, including HIV.gov & their points of aging.

I don't have much else to post.  It's still hot & I still feel hellish.   I hope this breaks soon.  

Take care.

Cya...

PURPOSE 365...

 

PURPOSE 365 is a part of a PrEP study by Gilead.  Currently, lenacapavir under the name Yetzugo is being marketed as a twice yearly PrEP injection.   This article talks about the PURPOSE 365 study, currently in phase 3,  to increase the efficacy & potency of the injection to last a full year.

This is notable.  Even with the limits currently facing lenacapvir distribution, this could alter the fight against HIV even more.   Still, even if this works, if it can't reach the people who need it, it might as well not exist.  It's in Gilead & world leaders' best interest to make this happen ASAP.

Look at these pieces, they could be the future.  Take care.

Cya...

9th Mid Month...

It's mid September & still hot.  This has been a very difficult time for me.  The heat, allergies & lack of sleep are really causing me issues.  The forecast keeps saying cooler weather is a just a few days away.  But, that finish line keeps moving further out.

We have to handle the trash & an outing.  That'll be about it.  I'm happy about that.  I doubt I could do much more.  I need this weather to change.  It's not likely the weather cares a bit about what I need though.

Take care.

Cya...

Rough Tuesday Morning...

 

It's hot & I woke up feeling awful this morning.  The forecast keeps promising in just a few days this will change.  I wonder if this damn heat will ever leave.  I'm not doing well.  I'm dehydrated, exhausted & here's old timey word for you, discombobulated.  This heat undid in a few hours what a couple of good night's sleep managed to restore.  Sucktember choose sweltering heat as it's form of violence this year.

That's all for now.  I'm too scattered to try for more.  Take care.

Cya...

Primary...

 

I've stated in the past, I think most HIV care eventually belongs in the office of the primary care provider.  I understand there are irregularities & extremes that may require a specialist, but most of it is routine.  This piece supports primary care providers being the main point of HIV prevention, as with diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, etc...  Any provider can provide information, basic testing & PrEP, so why aren't they?

The heat is back to being a challenge.  It will be here for at least this week.  I'm so ready for things to cool down.  Sleep wasn't that great last night.  I need to shower & go handle some things.  I'm already tired.

Cya...

Better, But...

 

I spent a lot of yesterday just trying to get through the day.  Even after a decent sleep, I was exhausted.   It cooled down in the afternoon.  Still, I was barely functioning until the sun went down.  I slept better last night, but it's not enough & the remainder of this week is supposed to be hot.  I'm not sure how things are going to go.  

I forgot to post that the plumber came & fixed the toilet.  It wasn't a big deal, but I didn't know how to fix it.  I'm glad it's fixed & didn't cost a lot.

Take care.

Cya...

Rough Day...

 

My bad night before, made yesterday very hard on me.  I was spent before I even got started.  Shopping left me drenched & huffing for breath.   This weather needs to move out, but the forecast has it here for up to another week.  Every time the heat is supposed to move on, it just stays.   I need to sleep, stop being soaked, be able to eat more, breathe easier, etc...  This Summer has sucked.

I'm of the belief that HIV should be treated mostly by your primary care provider.   It's been here since the 80s, surely the basics could be handled in house & only involve a specialist on occasion.  The problem with that is, out of 200+ medical schools, net searches say only about 15% teach a comprehensive program detailing HIV & other common infectious diseases.  That's maybe 30 in the US.  The rest teach a very cursory blip about the matter.   Maybe in the medical field, outside of pharmacy, took the matter more seriously, we'd be further along in this fight.

That's all for now, take care.  

Cya...

Could've...

 

Last night could've been the 1st night I had decent sleep in a while.  The house could've actually cooled down some.  But no, a sudden BS, pissy rain had to happen.  I hadn't been asleep very long, when thunder woke me.  I needed to close the main window letting air into the house.  That kept  the rain out, but it also trapped all the muggy air inside.  Of course in the process of closing a window while half asleep I stubbed my toe on a paver the heater sits on.  It skinned the tip & took forever to stop  the bleeding.

Instead of a cool pleasant night.  It was muggy & overly warm.  My foot hurt & everything was so much wetter than it should've been.   I did not sleep well.  

To add to sucktember, out toilet is having an issue.  We'll need to call a plumber.  I don't know how to handle this problem.  2026 is sucking so hard.  There's more crap weather in the way of any serious cool down.  So no relief for a while.

Take care.

Cya...

Maybe Finally...

 

The forecast is showing chances for rain & a cool down.  The next week only has 1 day over 100° & maybe a day in the upper 80s.  I hope this holds, I've not been doing well & last night was actually pretty hard on me.   I'm tired of the heat, being wet, dehydrated & just exhausted.  This weather has left me anxious, sleep deprived, allergy ridden & spending too much time in the bathroom.  I need this to end.  

This has been going for so long, that I'm not functioning well.  If this were an rpg, I'd be taking serious negatives to my rolls on just about everything. The problem with being this worn out is that it takes some serious time to recover from.  A single good day & night sleep isn't going to undo all of it.  It's no wonder people die from the heat.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Maybe Cooler Soonish...

 

If the forecast holds, it could start cooling down by  Thursday.  Next week, temps over 100° could be gone for the season.  We might even see some upper 80s.  I want a cool down, but not a crash.  Sudden temp changes are rough on things, mainly me.

We got a blitz rain yesterday, not quite 0.5".  It didn't cool anything significantly & added to the humidity.  We could get more rain later in the week.  

This Summer sucked.  The 1st half was dark & raining.  The last of it was hazy, overly bright & too blasted hot.   I guess that's just what the season is now.

Take care.

Cya...

Labor Day....

 

The 1st Monday of September is running as late as possible.  This holiday plagued me as a kid.  It was always in the way of my birthday.  Most people would be off with their families or out for the last trip to the lake.  Not that my birthday was ever any fun.  My family barely remembered it.   It was too early in the school year to be acknowledged, even though it was always listed like everyone else's.  I stopped taking part in those things after mine always got overlooked.  

We don't have any plans for this day.  It's just a Monday when the mail won't run.  There really isn't a perk in this for us.  

For those celebrating or whatever, have a good holiday.  Take care.

Cya...

It's Still Here...

 

It's still hot & humid.  It looks to be that way for at least a week.  The forecast will probably change again, making longer.  For any climate change deniers out there, find a high cliff & jump.  Take a walk into the ocean & keep going.  I guess you could just opt for petting a buffalo, tiger or bear.  Either way, just be done with yourself.

September is sucking in a different flavor this year.  Swelter isn't usually on the menu.  I've got a feeling, it might be going forward.  Thanks people.

That's it for now.  After last night, I need a shower.  I'm tired of being salty & gritty.  It's been over a month since any significant rain.  The fire ban is on it's 4th week, maybe 5th.  This sucks.  Take care.

Cya...

Late & Not Much...

 

I got a late start.  It's hard to sleep in this heat.  Waking is worse than usual.  But, I finally got around to being passably living.  

There wasn't much in the way of articles.  Just the orange ass cutting more HIV funds to Africa.  He's going to be single-handedly responsible for HIV/AIDS destroying the world.  I'd say skin all the maga & make a quilt, but damn that'd be a hideous piece of fabric & wasted craftsmanship. 

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Not For Here...

 

There were some articles this morning, but none that fit here.  Those pieces were about theoretical research far removed from being practical anytime in the near future.  Then there were the pieces they can rant about, knowing there's little to actually be done in the short run; racial/gender inequality, stigma, hate, etc...

While pieces like those have their place, it isn't here.  When theory moves into more solid research or when someone has an actual, viable plan for the other issues, they can be discussed.  For now, let them stay on the net.

Today's the end of a busy week.  We have shopping & more bank/bills things, then some errands.  Hopefully, that's everything.  This has been a rough week.

Take care.

Cya...

Nearly Forgot...

 

I nearly forgot to post this morning.  Waking up hasn't been easy due to the iffy sleep during this hot weather.  Too bad, the heat's here for a while.  It's time for 1st of the month bills.  We'll head & handle the bank stuff.  That's about it for today.

My telemed went as it always does.  There was a new, poorly prepared resident, having to read from a script.  It wasn't her fault, she was slapped into the position an hour before the appointment.  I have no idea what happened to the resident that was supposed to handle my appointment.  That's done for a bit.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Next Day...

 

The birthday happened.  I'm thinking we should've altered plans, but it's done now.   The drive over was iffy.  The movie was fun.  Repeat is not an option for the restaurant we ate at; pricey, meh food & poor service.  The biggest problem was the heat.  It hammered me.  The house never did really cool down, with us being gone so long & no AC running.   So, maybe we should've waited.  But, we had no idea how long this movie would be playing & the heat looks to be here for a bit.

I need to get around.  I have to shower, eat, do trash & head to my telemed appointment.  I'm tired just thinking about it.  Tomorrow we'll handle the bank & bills.  

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Hello September & BD...

 

Like it or not, September is here & it brought my birthday with it.   This month & I don't typically mix well.  My birth month has always been hard for me.  Seems like it'd be my month, but that isn't the case.  Try not to be Sucktember.

Well 60 arrived, nobody asked for it, but it's here.  I really didn't need this.  It would've been fine never seeing this day.  It's not the number, it's what it represents, another year just waiting to be a horror show.  There should be an option just to hibernate from September to March, I'd take it.  Nothing in the midst of that matters that much to me anymore.  It's just cold, dark & difficult.

We're out of here soon, to go see a movie & get something to eat.  Take care.

Cya...