Tiring Tuesday...

 

Yesterday sucked.  I had to get up early & try to call DHS about Summer energy assistance.   I didn't have to call in the past, it just happened for me because of disability.  I called at 7 AM when the lines opened.  For 2 hours they played horrid, on-hold music.  Periodically, it'd say the estimated wait time.  It started at & stayed at 0 minutes.  At 9 AM it cut me off.  When I called back, the message said it was congested & couldn't take my call.  I tried this morning & it was the same.  I did the application online, but that can weird.  I prefer over the phone.   I guess we'll see how this goes.

We took Millie, our cat, to the vet.  She's been a bit off.  They charged a lot to tell us she seems fine.  I hope she is.

We get home & it's hot & humid.  Just walking inside covered my face in sweat.  Then I saw bees have returned.  It's time to get them to move on again.  It takes a bit to get them to leave.

Yesterday was  exhausting.  That's it for now.   Take care.

Cya...

March Flux...

 

Sometimes I wish life had a pause button.  There are points when I just need a bit to collect my wits & catch my breath.  I've been trying for sometime just to come down off the anxiety & nerves, but there's always something.   That doesn't even have to be a bad thing, it's just another thing to be handled.  I've been running on empty for a while & fumes ran out sometime ago.  I'm just barely coasting, trying get back.

March is here & it's a notoriously sketchy month.  The light & dark, really warm meets too cold, nothing & everything.  March is a month of contradictions & it's hard on people.  It's especially rough on those dealing with SAD.  It's still here, no it's ending, no it's back.  Enough with the indecision, just give me a moment.

It's the beginning of the month & we have a lot on our plates.  Besides all the normal bills & errands, there are appointments.  There's a venture into an unknown for us.  Well it's an uncertainty, so it's bound to cause trepidation.  None of this means things will go badly.  It just means they have to be handled & there might be fallout.

Add to that all the uncertainty due to the orange stain & the world's a rough place right now.  Everyone's looking for a foothold & there aren't that many.  There's only so many high points & everyone's playing king of the mountain.

I'm fairly sure we'll get through this.  I'm just not sure how.  I'm spent, tired & anxious.  I don't see any change soon.  It'd be nice to be wrong & get a respite.

Take care.

Cya...

More Fallout...

 

US COVID numbers may be going down, but the virus is far from being under control.  There are parts of  the world, where the numbers are as high as they ever were.  Parts of Asia, especially China, are facing incredible levels of COVID due to the latest variant.    

Last March 4th, I got my 1st dose of Moderna's vaccine, a month later I got the 2nd, the booster came in December.  There may be a 4th dose, who knows?  They have numbers of those who were infected, who were hospitalized & those who died from COVID.  Those numbers are inaccurate.

There are people like me, who may have had an early, unidentified case of COVID.   It's known there were cases in my area when I was hospitalized with what they thought was pneumonia.  They never really knew what was wrong with me.

The numbers don't count all the people who died, because they couldn't get into COVID flooded hospitals.  Many died of normal health issues & trauma & they aren't counted in the COVID deaths.  A lot of people withered & died early due to lack of social contact, consider the housebound & rest home residents.   

Then there is the fallout of people not being able to  be tested/treated for HIV, TB, hepatitis, STI's, cancer, etc...  There has been a report of surges in alcohol/drug usage during the pandemic.  Not surprisingly, alcohol/drug related incidents, illnesses & deaths also jumped.  People with mental illness & the disabled have mostly been left to their own devices, which were limited to begin with. 

I didn't cite articles in this post.  Google an aspect of it & you find many pieces of each part.  Those affected by COVID, directly or not, have been severely underreported.  This wasn't out of malice,  but due to being overwhelmed, ill prepared & unaware of those in need outside the imminent presence of COVID.  COVID was a disaster in every way.   The fallout may never be completely understood or known.  It has happened, is happening & will continue long after this virus is contained.  

Sometimes an illness is more than just a diagnosis.  Disasters impact regions, not just the epicenter of  the event.  We have to accept that what affects part of the whole, eventually impacts the entirety of it all.  Until then, we will always wind up right back in the same place we are now.

Cya...

It's Back...

 

Even though the morning was dim, yesterday got warm & humid.  It got to the upper 80s & was very muggy.  It looks to be the trend for a while.  Maybe we'll eventually get some sunlight to burn off some of the humidity & drear.  

Nothing else is going on here.  We still don't know about the lawn.   The pharmacy hasn't got back to me about my meds.  This is not being a stress free time.  Articles were also a bust.  This is it for now, take care.

Cya...

Unknowable...

Some people have a problem with the idea there are things out there they can't know.  I will never know what it's like to be a woman or anything associated intrinsically with it.  I'll never be Black, survive Auschwitz, have only 1 high school or a  myriad of other things.  These are things I can only imagine.

I know things others don't about life.  Lessons for which I paid dearly.  Knowledge that came with consequences & scars.  Unless you've faced the same, you can't understand.  I hope you never do.    Children of alcoholics/addicts never really get past it.  They never recover from having parents choose everything over them. They never forget be abandoned.  They won't get over or past it.  If you've had a decent life, you won't get it. 

The point is, we judge people for having unknowable aspects of their lives.  Most people never asked for this.  They endured harsh & sometimes horrible things for that knowledge.  Stop judging them for something you can never understand.   Quit trying to force them into your idea of what a person should be or what life is.

We're all just dancing as fast as we can.

Cya...

Swollen Feet & The Unknown...

The humidity has been a nightmare lately.  It's often over  95% all night long.  It's staying high during the heat of the day.  I don't feel like being that active, so my feet are swelling.  This swelling is making the skin on my feet peel & crack.  It's been a constant effort to maintain my feet this Summer.   Humidity can kill you, it can also just make your life fairly miserable.

As for the unknown, I'm talking about all the things we don't know about HIV & how it affects people.  That includes the meds used to fight it.   I'm not going to give citations here, they'd be abundant, Google the matter.  There have been ongoing conversations about how the meds/virus affect people's cognitive abilities, especially in children born with the illness.  There are ongoing studies concerning HIV + people & matters such as bone density, dementia, increased cancer susceptibility, etc...

The point being, don't get comfortable with idea of HIV.  We barely know anything about the virus.  There could be a host of issues that fall out in the next generation of people whose parents were +.  The virus could mutate tomorrow rendering our meds useless & return us to the plague years.  We don't know enough about HIV/AIDS to realize what we don't know.  Be cautious, be vigilant.  This is your life we're talking about.

Cya...

Early Morning...

We have to be out of here in just a little while, so  this will be brief.  My roomie has 2 appointments spread out over a few hours today.   I have no idea how long this will actually take.   I'm not certain as to the follow up for either appointment either.    Right now, I just don't have a  lot to offer.

The appointments are in Fort Smith, so we'll be leaving shortly.  I hope these go well.  My roomie doesn't need any added stress.

Have a great day.

Cya...