Sentences...

 

Until the early 2000s, HIV was basically a death sentence.  When I was diagnosed in 2000, they told me to expect 5 years.  Due to advancements, HIV went from a death sentence to a life sentence.   HIV may not directly cause my death, but it has destroyed the life I had.  It is chronic & constant.   I will never not be +.

Chronic illness is a life sentence, no matter what the diagnosis.  It  is trying, exhausting, limiting & often embarrassing.  For most, the only way out of chronic illness is death.  Not a great option, but a lot of people choose it over living a life chronically ill.

Probably the biggest problem with be chronically ill is dealing with those who aren't.  Especially if your ailment isn't something they can see.  They can't be dealt with & won't react with reason or compassion.  They get angry, indignant & judgy.  They see your condition is an aggression against them.  

I don't have any answers.  You can try support groups.  That didn't work out for me, but it might for you.  The best I can tell you, is if at all possible, avoidance is the best policy.  If you know someone is going to react badly to your situation, don't indulge or humor them.  Don't confront them.  Don't justify yourself.  Just get away ASAP.  Sometimes you have to deal with these people.  All you can do is try to set limits & boundaries. 

There is no good news when it comes to chronic illnesses.  Sometimes, things come along that can help; better meds or therapies.  But you are still enduring a life sentence.

Cya...

Texas Judge F'ed Us...

 

Conservative judges have been picking away at ACA since its inception.  In the last few years they've gone after reproductive matters or things that impact the Gay community & trans.  Now an asshat texan judge declared it against the law to require free screening or free meds.  This doesn't just concern HIV, it also hits cancer & other ailments.  

These bastards want people to be in poverty, misery & utter hopelessness.  They're trying to make more babies living in poverty who can't get out because everything is too expensive.  There won't be good educations for these children, the republican asshats have gutted that as well.  These people will be so low, the conservatives hope they'll be happy with whatever scraps they're given.  

The republicans want an impoverished, poor, ignorant theocracy where religion is a mouthpiece about how important guns are & that the poor deserve what they get.  These people are monsters. 

Cya...

PS - Had out 1st mowing yesterday, that was rough on us.

Unknowable...

Some people have a problem with the idea there are things out there they can't know.  I will never know what it's like to be a woman or anything associated intrinsically with it.  I'll never be Black, survive Auschwitz, have only 1 high school or a  myriad of other things.  These are things I can only imagine.

I know things others don't about life.  Lessons for which I paid dearly.  Knowledge that came with consequences & scars.  Unless you've faced the same, you can't understand.  I hope you never do.    Children of alcoholics/addicts never really get past it.  They never recover from having parents choose everything over them. They never forget be abandoned.  They won't get over or past it.  If you've had a decent life, you won't get it. 

The point is, we judge people for having unknowable aspects of their lives.  Most people never asked for this.  They endured harsh & sometimes horrible things for that knowledge.  Stop judging them for something you can never understand.   Quit trying to force them into your idea of what a person should be or what life is.

We're all just dancing as fast as we can.

Cya...

Just The Facts...

Often, while reading articles, I don't just see the facts.  Even if the piece I'm scanning is over HIV related matters, I still find sentiment, opinion & judgement. Few today write objectively & it diminishes their work.  Let the writing stand on its own.  Present your analysis, not your biases.  I'm reading the work for the research, not social judgement.

For example, I saw an article today pointing out Black males  still make up a huge part of new HIV cases.   This wasn't just presented  as fact, this was a social judgement.  This point was never direct, but the meaning was clear.  Black male culture was incapable of taking care of this issue, so others, especially White others, needed to step in & take care of the matter.

Maybe authors are just oblivious to the implications.  These pieces imply Black men can't handle health matters.  It puts the onus on society to handle their inability.   1st, if this inability does exist, it's a cultural matter, not a disability.  These men are capable of handling their health concerns.  Finally, it's not anyone else's responsibility or right to step in on these men's health matters.  These attitudes are insulting & arrogant.

Write your research.  Give us the facts.  A writer is allowed to draw possible conclusions or even give opinions.  But those must be presented as the author's believes, not facts.  Definitely not as judgements on their subjects or society.

Take Care.

Cya...

Judgy Much...

We live in a time of constant judgement on everyone for nearly everything.  If you make a statement or take an action, someone/group will be all over you like you're a cartoon villain being ran out of town.    It doesn't matter what you did, didn't do or meant.  It only matters that it wasn't what this individual or group demanded.  

To hell with them.  It's like Ricky Nelson said in Garden Party. 

...it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.  You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself...

 I know it's hard.  Especially when there's some much stigma about everything out there.  But no matter what you do, you're going to offend or be offensive to somebody.  At the end of the day, you're the only person you can count on.  Be kind to yourself.  Be honest with yourself.   Be safe.  Don't hide who you are, but you aren't required to share your story with anyone you don't want to.  You don't owe them you.

Let them call you whatever; a fag, a terf, a fascist, a socialist, a bigot, a misandrist, an unamerican idiot, etc..  I won't say it doesn't matter, but it doesn't define you.  At the end of the road, you're the only who has to live your life & deal with the fallout of being you.

Cya... 

Ridiculous Article...

This "article" & I use that term very lightly, poses the question what does post-HIV, gay culture look like.   I read it because it could've been an excellent topic & conversation starter.  It wasn't.

Mr. Aviance, the author, normally writes on music.  OK, he's still entitled to his 2¢ on the matter.  I thought maybe he might have an unique perspective. I was wrong.

This is entire article is about his fear.  He's  anti-Truvada.  I get that, so am I.  But his opposition, is to the idea that people who want to use PrEP don't want to use condoms.  They want to "bareback."  Well, Duh!

To him, this is not only a dangerous thing to engage in sexually,  It's also a way means by which he distinguishes sluts & stupid people.  He's a prude.

This bigot is worried in a world without HIV or very little risk of the illness, gay men will stop using condoms.  This behavior will be seen as perfectly acceptable, like it was before HIV.  How ever will he judge people?

I oppose Truvada over concerns about the potential harm it may cause, that many won't use it properly & the fact it's just a giant kick in revenue for Gilead.  I think there's more concern for profits than health.  This man is worried about whose intelligence he can question & who he can slut-shame. 

Mr. J. Nelson Aviance; writer, opera singer & musiciologist, if this is really your opinion, then you're an absolute ass.  If your concern is over which people you may no longer be able to judge, then to hell with you.  I find your article disgusting.

I hope there is a day people can stop using condoms out of fear of transmitting illnesses.  I hope this because it might save lives.  I hope this because all the disapproving dolts' heads will explode in horror.  I hope this so people will have 1 less thing to use  in judgement of others.

I realize, I was judgy in this post.  That's my issue to deal with. I posted this at a single individual.  The author of that article is worried about how to judge the gay community.  I still have my issues with Truvada, but they were never about people being Truvada-whores.

Way to go Mr. Aviance, push to hold on to something just to divide our community.  What a jerk.

Cya...

HIV & The Sixth...

It's May sixth.  This day like most has a lot meaning for someone, somewhere.   There are a lot of religious observances, Military Spouse Day, Police Day & the one I like the best is International No Diet Day.  

This observation is to celebrate body acceptance regardless of size.  It exists as a line in the sand to say that sizism, fatphobia, weight discrimination or any other action or perception against a person based on their size is unacceptable.  I choose this observance for two reasons.

First off, my roomie is heavy.  She used to teach college level English & humanities.  Then the school cut her position to give another one to some good ol', preacher boy's, flaming, PK son a job.  I wasn't that worried at  first, she was well educated & reasonably experienced.  Hah, I should've known better.  Job after job was denied, interviews went well & then no where, then there was no one even willing to see her.  She sat for hours at a time in the park depressed over her situation.  Some interviewers even told her, that her size was the only reason they wouldn't hire her.  This led to her having no choice but to go on disability while struggled to get her life back together.  My roomie was being denied the ability to support herself just because she was overweight.  The misperceptions about heavy people are nearly limitless.  

The second reason for chosing this day concerns HIV.  This day deals with a lot of things people with HIV deal with all time if their status is known or in question.  There are those people who seem to think that they can contract it just by being in proximity of + person.  While there are others that seem to think they or their type are immune to the virus.  If it wasn't so serious, I'd laugh at the ignorance I hear concerning HIV.

HIV + people & people with weight issues are targets.  We are the targets of capitalistic companies looking to sell various snake-oils to make us "better."  People who have combined their ignorance, intolerance & ideological hellishness often target both groups. There are so many people who feel it is their right to lob whatever they like at the heavy or HIV +.  No matter what the excuse, those doing the lobbing are the monsters.

Some next time you find out someone is + or you see someone who is heavy, stop, check your preconceived notions at the proverbial door & then go forward with an open mind.  If this is someone you just met, then remember that you do not know this person.  You do not know what has gone on in their life. Before you judge them & begin with your epithets, remember there is probably more than enough about you for them to turn around & hurl some nastiness right back at you.

On this day, I wish you all an open mind...

Judges 2.0

Yesterday I posted about my ex roomie.  He was someone I used to consider a friend, a rather unfortunate one, but still a friend.  He was unfortunate because he was always down on himself.  He thought of himself as ugly.  Truth be told he wasn't ugly, rather plain & unremarkable yes, but not ugly.  At least not physically.

He used his alleged bad looks to justify anything that had ever gone wrong in his life.   He was a very judgy person & as much as he judged himself, he was far more critical on others.  Any action he found questionable was reason to be criticized.  He's one of those people who thinks that every rich or famous person out there that just happens to be gay is obligated to come out & speak for all the world to see.   He feels that it is their responsibility to turn their lives into big, gay pride spectacles, all the while he remains fairly closeted himself.  Hypocrite!

I was never a prudish type & had my fair share of sexual encounters.  I was gregarious, outgoing & not at all a wallflower.  I used to try to take him out with me, but it always became a chore & then when he did tag along, no one had any fun.  He would bitch, gripe & most of all judge everyone else at the bar.  His judgments were always so obviously a means of trying to make himself feel better by putting others down.

When I was living with him, I'd always hear things about myself from people I really didn't know.  I'd ask them  who had told them that & eventually it would always lead back to my ex roomie.  I'd confront him & of course he'd deny it.  Coward.   I eventually told the people he worked with that they might want to get together & talk amongst themselves to see what all my ex rommie had said about them to the others.  That brought some hell down on his head.  HA.

When I was diagnosed as +, he made serious promises to help out, like that ever happened.  The only thing he did do, was to use my diagnosis as a new way to judge me.  I must be a bad person or else I wouldn't have gotten to be +.  Total BS.  I am +.  It is my responsibility that I am +.  I thought playing safe was good enough & it wasn't.  However, my diagnosis has nothing to with my morality or ethics.

Being +, no matter how a person came to be of that status, is not a reflection on that individual's worth.  Yes, he/she may have gotten to be + from cheating on a spouse, doing IV drugs or by being rampantly promiscuous, but that still doesn't make the fact they happen to be + a value judgement on their character.  Those other things may be used by some to judge these people, but being + isn't a character flaw.

Even if my ex roomie hadn't moved out on his own accord, his behavior & judgmental nature were already sending me out the door.  My current roomie & I were already making plans on the matter.  You can't stay in a place where someone feels so morally superior to you hat they feel it is their obligation & right to constantly criticize & condemn you.  

I don't have any funny captions for this entry or video clips.  The judges aren't worth my attempts to be funny or witty.  To hell with them.  May your lives be as judgement free as possible.

Judges

We all have people in our lives who judge us & most of them probably are not in a position that we actually have to tolerate it.  Other than parents when we're younger, employers & some governmental types we really don't have to give a damn what anyone else thinks of us or our actions.  Yet, we constantly listen to them nag, judge & criticize.

The video above uses the example of gaming & having an active online life.  Yes, I said life.  I may not agree with how much some people spend invested in online activities, but it really isn't any of my business & no one is forcing me to participate.  There are people out that there who will try to shame you for gaming.  They've even developed terms for it, gamer shame or closeted gamer.  There are those that rail against Facebook & call it a stupid waste of time or outright evil.

These people gripe about anything to do with any type of gaming or online activity. Why, when these people are usually the same ones that treat football like it was sacrosanct? They go after those people who like video games & pursue more advance personal technologies.  Why?  Who knows.  The better question is why does any gamer or techie even care what these people think?

You need to realize that these people are going to gripe & judge no matter what you do.  If you quit gaming or hide your online activity you're just giving into them & allowing them to control your life.  Yes, of course there are those individuals out there who take things to far, but those people are in every walk of life.  If your significant other rags on your gaming or facebook page, then you really need to find a new significant other.  

What, you think dumping someone for bitching about your gaming is harsh.  No, no it isn't. These people will not stop with your gaming.  They will continue until they have completely rewritten your life they way they want it to be.  Then they'll probably have the nerve to dump you & say that you aren't the same person they fell for when you met.

Even if they don't continue & try to utterly recast you, they have still tried to remove something from your life that you enjoyed.  They attacked your "you time".  These people can only get away with this if you let them, so stop letting them.  Let them know that is this part of your life & it isn't going to change & if they can't handle the door is over there, use it.

We all have enough crap in our lives without someone trying to take away our past times, hobbies & de-stressers.   Even if they don't appear to be so, the people who judge & go after other people's fun time are usually miserable, selfish, & fake people.  They have no grounds to judge you.  They have no right to judge you.  If what you're doing isn't a danger to you or others, then to hell with them.  

A lot of people will try to make you feel that you shouldn't play games if you over ten years old.  They tell you to grow up already.  Where does it say that adults can't have fun?  Where does it say adults can't play games?  If there is a place out that says anything even remotely like that, then it's full of crap.  Hold onto your games, your facebooks pages or whatever else helps you get through the day.  

Happy Gaming

Happy Blogging

Happy Facebooking

Happy whatever else might just make you smile & let go of a little stress

Knee Jerk...

We all have people in our lives that cause us to react irrationally.  Some people anger us, some just annoy us & others just plain creep us out.  Those are the people I want to talk about today.  Those people in our lives that just send us into reaction mode that have never given us any cause to do or feel anything towards or about them.

Yet we do feel things about them.  Our instincts kick & make our skin crawl or feel the need for fight or flight.  We recently got a new neighbor in the rent house next to us, they happen to be people of color.  I grew up with people, who if they were still alive, would be writing letters to their congressmen telling them to have these people removed immediately. They were the types to look at a person from Cuba & call them a Mexican.  If you had corrected them & told them those people were from Cuba, they'd have told you, " I don't care what part of Mexico he's from."

I know that sounds horrible & racist, but it was the time they were from & the feeling is/was pretty common around these parts.  The town I grow up in only had one little black girl living there, other than the athletes who stayed on the college campus.  It must've been holy hell for her growing up in Miami, OK in the 1970's.  My grandmother would never let me even speak to anyone of color.  She a plethora of names for them, antiquated slurs, but amazingly enough none of them were the N-word.

The funny thing was that my mother, one of the world's top ten lushes, never ever addressed anyone like that.  She never once judged someone on their skin color, religion or whatever other descriptor you could imagine.  I learned tolerance from her, but not because she was exactly tolerant.  I learned not to judge others on those matters because my mother didn't want others judging her for her own short comings.

Regardless of the reason, the fact she didn't judge them stuck with me.  Over the years I've gone to school with, been friends with & even been involved (romantically or just sexually) with people of many ethnic backgrounds.  So, it really bothers me when I have knee-jerk reactions to people that I can't explain.

There is a man who works in a local business I frequent that quite frankly just creeps me out.  I don't know why.  He has never done anything to me.  I've never heard of him doing anything untoward, but still he is Mondo Creepy!  As it turns out, he has the same affect on my roommate.  We debate, is he a serial killer?  Is he a pedophile?  Is he an ax wielding maniac that on fifth Tuesday of every month hunts down people who like local news reporters or what?

It may be fun for us to speculate this matter, but the fact is he has done nothing to merit this contemplation of his personal life.  I have no reason to believe he is any of these things, but in the back of my mind I wonder.  I think, do not make eye contact & back away as quickly as possible without being obvious.

I shouldn't feel this way, but I do.  After all don't they say that serial killers are just like everyone else?  Don't the neighbors of these killy-types generally say the killer was always the most friendly person to have for a neighbor?  Whatever, the guy still creeps me out.  All I can do is try not to act on those feelings or let him realize I feel that way.  Good luck to me on that one.