The 1st half of 2026 is wrapping up. This wasn't a great time for me. I've had worse, but things definitely could've been better. I guess next week is supposed to be the year's halftime show, with all the 4th stuff.
I remember the bicentennial. There was so much red, white & blue; on banners, streamers, even fire hydrants. It seemed to be a lighter, more joyful time. 76 had a lot of issues, but compared to now, it probably felt like a dream to a lot of people. 50 years later & the crapfest is raging on.
To every group that robbed the present of what it could've been, I really hope you end in the most gruesome manner. There could've been unity, joy & progress. Instead there's turmoil, hate & greed. May those who caused that turn have nothing but a horror show for the remainder of their lives.
This could've been a really cool 4th of July. Instead we got this dumpster fire.
Cya...
Hello June, I know it's a lot to ask, but it'd be great if this was a nice month. I need really need it. I've not been doing that well & this is my last season of being in my 50s.
I haven't had a good year in quite a while. I can barely get a decent few hours. I was more hopeful last year at this time. There were possibilities, I think those are gone.
The small wants I had; to be more secure, less scared & anxious, to have some small things to look forward, to not die in this damn hovel, etc... I let myself think it might be possible. I did it to myself again. It's unlikely any of that will ever happen.
June, I repeat my request for a nice month. It doesn't have to be anything big, just pleasant & a little less stressful. I'm tired of waking up & being angry I'm still here. I dont' want any seasons in my 60s. Things will only be worse. Nothing's coming, nothing's going to get better.
It feels like there's so little of me left. Every time something looks like it could be good or get better, it's a fake out or a let down. Even if something good did come along. It'd be just enough to screw things up, not fix anything. I want things to go well or just end.
That's all, hello June, sorry for the ask.
Cya...
This is the midpoint of January. There shouldn't be much going on today besides shopping & some errands. It hasn't been a pleasant morning. I wasn't sure if I'd have internet this morning. It dropped out late last night. The weather is being a pill. It's stayed warm enough for some of the highest winter allergen level this state has had & it's been very windy. With little rain & the winds, it's been a fire hazard. Now the temps are dropping again & clouds are blocking most of the light.
I'm coughing, sneezing & dealing with watery, itchy eyes. No, this isn't a great morning. Maybe, the day will improve. That's all for now.
Take care.
Cya...
I was going to post about this article yesterday, but things happened. It's from AmFAR & it's recognizes the current limits of HIV regimens, mostly ARTs. It proposes the use of immunotherapy to extend the benefits of current meds. It focused on broadly neutralizing antibodies (bNAbs) and an immune-stimulating agent (a TLR9 agonist). This wasn't proposing a cure, but a step in a new direction for treating HIV. Maybe, if this works, it could lead to a functional cure.
I haven't been doing well. I'm just tired, detached & ready just to let go. This has been exhausting. 2026 is going to bring a lot changes to my assistance programs. The orange asshats say it's for health. They don't care about any poor person's well being. They just get off on punching down & harming those who can't really fight back. If every orange follower would just die, the world would be a better place.
My sister called. The call itself was benign. I guess she needed to touch base with me, so she could say did. Between everything going one, the time of the year, the alleged holiday happening & governmental BS, I'm just over it. That call just reminded me or how much of an afterthought I've always been to those people related to me. If I wasn't that I was a bother or nuisance to them. I have a hard time seeing my life being any worse if I'd never met any of my relatives.
I didn't need to see 59, another holiday season or 2026. There won't be anything for me. My life will continue to descend into worse levels. So yeah, I don't care about 2026. It'll only be a worse version of 2025.
Sorry for the bummer, but do give the article a read. It could be a new direction for HIV treatment. Take care.
Cya...
My roomie & I have a plan how we're going to approach to the benefit cuts coming. It isn't a solution, that's beyond us. It's a buy some time strategy. I hate this.
A lot of things I depend on are shifting & there's nothing I can do about it. I'm tired of being at the whim of others. People who aren't on assistance or disability have no idea how little control you have over aspects of your life. Just when you think you've figured out the system, they change it or kill the whole thing. They want you desperate & broken. What they really want is for you to suffer & then die.
I haven't slept well in a while now. It rained last night & I overslept this morning. A train jolted me awake & I've still got the shakes from that. Waking up is generally the worse thing I do every day. Nothing good comes from it.
That's all for now. I'm not sure when I'll be back to being me again. I'm just an exhausted bundle of nerves & stress now. Something needs to give soon.
Cya...
We're 7 days into September & being 59. I'm still not liking either very well. I'm tired of it always being, "well things could be worse." I'm waiting for the things are better phase of it all. If that even exists.
When you're continually on the ass-end of things you start to wonder if there anything else. Are all these good things & times people talk about just fictions they make up to rub in your face. Or is there something about you that makes you incapable of having that life. Did you do something to make you "unworthy" of the "good stuff?"
Whatever the answer to those meddlesome thoughts, it doesn't really matter. Because what you have are the poor to awful aspects of life on your plate. Maybe you served yourself, maybe you didn't. Does it really matter at this point?
I'm not sure what lies ahead for the rest of this year. It'd be nice if things settled down some or even improved a bit. I doubt that will happen, so I'll settle for just not getting worse. To bad that's the most likely thing to happen.
Take care.
Cya...
This is it for June 2025. I can't say it was a great month. The weather hasn't been pleasant & we lost another cat. No, this wasn't a fun time.
I wish I could say something more positive about this month but I don't have the words for that. It wasn't the worst month, but there are so many ways it could've been better. Maybe that just doesn't happen anymore.
The back crepe has finally started blooming, the side crepe looks to soon. I haven't seen any dragons or hummers. We do have what appears to be a resident groundhog. I see it in the mornings & evenings. We don't have a garden, so there's nothing for it to hurt. They're cute in a pudgy, squirrel kind of way.
That's all, goodbye June.
Cya...
This should've been a normal midweek for us. The trash would go out & we'd run a couple of errands. I still need to go by the pharmacy & check the mail, but there's been an addition. The boy cat has to go to the vet. It's not good. I might know more later. For now, I have to get around. His appointment is soon.
That's it for now, take care.
Cya...
This piece is over Gilead pushing their injectable lencapavir from a twice a year subcutaneous injection to an annual intramuscular application. According to research, the results show a better concentration of the medicine than the current approach. The yearly shot had a higher dosage & injection site pain was common.
For those not interested or can't get the injections, Merck has developed another daily med with only 2 drugs. I don't know much on it so far, but I found this article.
We have an unexpected errand today. I hope things go well. I tried to do better yesterday. I didn't & spent most of the day on edge. Everything keeps piling on & I can't keep up or handle it. I'm not sure how things will go, but I am trying. It just doesn't seem to be enough.
That's all for now.
Cya...
This isn't a great morning. It's dark, chilly & wet. It's rained nearly 3" since yesterday afternoon. That didn't do great things for me. The furniture smell is still here but getting better. It'd fade faster if it were warmer & dry. I woke chilled, achy & coughing.
I woke up late. Then Windows had to update. That should've been here Tuesday. That was more to do & made me run later. I still have to get morning stuff done & shower.
This isn't a great morning.
Cya...
The prep for my colon screening begins today. I didn't think this was going to be fun. But they finally set a time yesterday. My appointment isn't until 2 PM. That's a lot later than what I was led to expect. So, the next 28 - 31 hours aren't going to be great. It's really stupid it's that late. I least I won't have to wake up early & I'll have time to handle getting cleaned up & house stuff.
Here this goes, take care.
Cya...
After the time change, I had to deal with the kitten's early appointment. He seems to have done well, he was making noise all night. My sleep is not back where it should be.
Besides me being tired, the kitten is doing OK. The older cat isn't. I think she thought we got rid of him. She wasn't happy when he came back. She's reacting to the smell of his meds. A lot of cat's don't trust it & can get hostile. It'll fade.
That's all for now. I'm glad there's nothing on my plate this morning. It's also nice it's bright & getting warmer. That's all, take care.
Cya...
We need an easy day, more like an easy week. We almost made it a week, but the light switch screwed up early in the AM. That was fixed & most of Thursday went OK. Then yesterday the internet was out for most of the day. We couldn't do things we normally do until much later in the afternoon. There've been too many trips to Walmart & out of town for us. We need a moment to regain our balance & destress a bit.
That's all for now, take care.
Cya...
While April wasn't a bad month, it wasn't a good time either. There were issues with renewal, bad weather, dark days, being sick, etc... It's also the month I learned about Netflix's DVD issue. Not a good month at all. Well, it's nearly gone for this year. Hopefully May will do better.
Cya...
I'm not feeling the best at the moment. The weather has been volatile in the way of storms, warmer temps & wind blown debris. I'm waking up dehydrated, overheated & stuffy. I wish this season would figure itself out.
My dental appointment went well. The trip wasn't too annoying. That's always a risk going into Fort Smith. The new store we went to basically turned out to be an overpriced, outlet store. Most the things I might've bought were far cheaper at Walmart. Oh well, it was worth a shot.
That's all for now. We're expecting storms. We didn't need them & don't want them.
Take care.
Cya...
It's dark this morning & looks to be gloomy all week. Whatever reserves I had for getting through Winter with SAD are mostly depleted. I'm not having a good time of it. There are still things that need to be handled & some new things will be added soon. I just can't get myself in a place where I can handle much. I really needed the beginning of Spring not to be such a miserably, dreary screw up. From October to April could just not exist & I'd be fine with it. Precious little comes from those months to make any of the crap worth it.
So to hell with March, it apparently came from the fount of suckage like most of the last few years. This may be the best it gets for me for a while. Apologies in advance. I hate the dark of the year.
CYa...
Friday's here & the month is almost over. I'm beginning to really remember why I didn't like the holiday season. October wasn't physically as hard as the rest of the year, but it wasn't a kind month. In fact it was a lot of crap piling up on top of previous month's worth of crap. It's been way too much this year. There's been too little down time & very little that was pleasant.
Beyond being a physically, financially & emotionally difficult year. It's been the year of the flake. I've lost track of how many times something or someone's flaked out on us. It was almost always avoidable drama & stress. Still, it happened often.
October has been an expensive, stressful & flaky month. It won't be missed.
Cya...
I'd hoped October would be a better month than what came before, but it hasn't been. This month has been a weird, dry, starting to chill annoyance. Nothing is quite where it should be, stuff is breaking & everything is taking more than it should. If we can get the bushes handled, that will be most of need-to's for a bit.
There's stuff to do this week. The gas bill will get here, I'll need a refill from the pharmacy & there's the matter of getting a flu shot. I have things on my plate. After that, maybe I can can see about replacing the couch. It needs to go.
Anything else that wants to break, just don't. No breaking, no complaining, no causing me more issues. I'm spent & probably won't take well to much more BS. Take care.
Cya...
