Hello June, I know it's a lot to ask, but it'd be great if this was a nice month. I need really need it. I've not been doing that well & this is my last season of being in my 50s.
I haven't had a good year in quite a while. I can barely get a decent few hours. I was more hopeful last year at this time. There were possibilities, I think those are gone.
The small wants I had; to be more secure, less scared & anxious, to have some small things to look forward, to not die in this damn hovel, etc... I let myself think it might be possible. I did it to myself again. It's unlikely any of that will ever happen.
June, I repeat my request for a nice month. It doesn't have to be anything big, just pleasant & a little less stressful. I'm tired of waking up & being angry I'm still here. I dont' want any seasons in my 60s. Things will only be worse. Nothing's coming, nothing's going to get better.
It feels like there's so little of me left. Every time something looks like it could be good or get better, it's a fake out or a let down. Even if something good did come along. It'd be just enough to screw things up, not fix anything. I want things to go well or just end.
That's all, hello June, sorry for the ask.
Cya...
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