November's Here...

 

November showed up with baggage.  It's started with a time change on a dreary Sunday morning.  I need to setup the new PC, but it's such a pill.  Getting all the systems to talk to each other again is never fun.  It'd help if it were brighter & less muggy.  

I have no real plans for the holiday season or am I that revved up about them.  Halloween was barely a blip on the radar this year.  I can count the number of house's I saw decorated on 1 hand.  I drove through a part of Fort Smith, that used to go full out for holiday decor; not a thing, not even a pumpkin. 

There probably won't be any cheap chocolate this year.  There wasn't last time around.  The stores are ordering less & most of it is just normal candy in different wrappers.  Maybe holidays are becoming a thing of the past.  I'll miss the decorations & lights.  They were some of the few things that made this hellish time of the year bearable. 

I'm 2 months into being 60 & it sucks.  Nothing has gone as well as it should.  More stuff keeps getting worse.  It'd be nice if this election did something positive, but it probably won't.  Just a 133 days until daylight saving time.  Just 4+ months of hating this.

Do better November.

Cya...

3 Wednesdays In...

 

We're midway through January 2025 & I have to say it could've been better.  Between the cold, snow, dark & being sick. this hasn't been the best start.  It looks as if the cold's going to rev back up this weekend.  No one needed that.  

Other than trash & a mail, we don't have much planned.  We still have 50+ days before the time change.   It's about the only thing I'm looking forward to at the moment.

That's it for now.  Do better January.  Let there be a giant, orange splat.  

Take care.

Cya...

Summer So Far...

 

I really needed, this Summer to be good.  That hasn't happened.  It started wet & dark, leaving me with SAD.  When the sun did decide to shine, it was ballistic & hot.  

My roomie is still dealing from a loss in late May.  It's the kind there really isn't any means of moving past.  I don't envy her.  She's facing something, I never did due to having zip for a relationship with most of my family.  

Then there's the constant issues with everything around us; house, yard, health, car, etc...  Each piece needing a resolution.  Sometimes there isn't a good option.  

All of this, plus the heat, hurricanes & crappy internet have made this a crap season so far.   There's still more to come.  It could get better or it could crap out for the duration.  

By this time next week, I should be at or done with my screening.  I'm not looking forward to this.  It's an unknown & I never like those.  I don't trust any of it, but it's the best I can do with what I have available.

When you're chronically ill, they never tell you the hardest part won't be the illness.  It's existing, the just trying to live.  They tell you if you do nothing you'll get worse.  They offer treatments to keep you somewhat going.  They should offer a 3rd option.  A pill or something that just lets you call it quits & step off the ride with as much dignity & grace as you can muster.   That would've been nice.

Cya...

June Thursday....

 

It's been a little bit since there was nothing to do on Thursday.  A lot has been up in the air & things have had to be handled.  But today isn't like that.  At least, not so far.  

June bills that can be handled, have been.   It looks to be bright today.  The trash is gone.  Maybe today can just be a bit of nothing.

That's about it for now, take care.

Cya...

A Few OK To Decent...

 

Things around here have been going well enough for now.  I'm not saying they've been perfect, but there hasn't been any major drama since last Thursday.  That was due to our cat being a dick.   

But from Friday on, there have been some issues, but nothing major.  I called to confirm my dental appointment for tomorrow.  We'll need to handle somethings today, that'd normally be done tomorrow.   The van needs an oil change.

I started the final push to change doctors yesterday.  I asked for a last refill from them & for my records to be sent.  So far, things seem to be in order.  We'll see.  I've done what I can & that will have to be enough.

We're had our 1st chill down here.  It isn't welcome.  But it is mid October & Halloween's just 2 weeks off.  

Take care.

Cya...

So Far...

 

For a bit, life has been tediously stressful.  Usually nothing too big, just a series of serious annoyances & setbacks.   I'm worn out.  So far, this morning has been decent.  Maybe it'll hold.  We need a good, easy day.  We need to rest & recharge.  That's all for now.  The sun's shining & it's not too hot yet.  Hopefully, this will be a good day.

Cya...

So Far In December...

So far this month has been rather blah.  I started out under the weather.  I'm still not fully recovered 2 weeks out.   I did better yesterday.   

I used to get really down this of year about the holidays.  That's not the case now.  I'm just not involved.    I helped my roomie get her stuff.  But most of her plans are different this year due to a death in the family & illness.  Directly & vicariously, my holidays are even more nonchalant than usual. 

So far, my seasonal crap (SAD) is going fairly well.  I'm aware of it, but it's not nearly as intense as last year.   That's strange considering how dreary it's been.  There's been a lot of change this year for my roomie & me, most of which we didn't ask for.  Unwanted change, even if it's for the better, is still unwanted.  

That's all for now.  December's going OK.  The holidays are functionally non-existent.  My health seems to be recovering.  Hope you're doing well.

Cya...

PS - Next time you're at a celebratory event with family, friends or acquaintances, don't gripe too much.  You never know when it will be the last event you ever attend with those people.   Then, there's no going back. 

Still Here Mostly...

So far, Fall light levels aren't getting to me too badly.  I feel it.  I know it's there.   The biggest problem with this isn't the weird emotions or even the increased exhaustion, it's the anxiety.   

When this is hitting, my mind races through every thing that could go wrong.  This anxiety isn't about monsters or fantasies, it's about real possibilities.  What if?  There's only so much I can do in preparation for any of it & past that I'm at a loss. 

S.A.D. picks at your rationality & the defenses you've built.   It taunts you to see how little you've actually done & how things are mostly hopeless.   The problem here is, it's partly right.  This situation is like reality on steroids.  Every bad thing not only can happen, it will happen.  Then it will all fall down

I'm making it into November & I've managed so far.  That's better than last year.  I lost this battle in late September then.   I can't say I'll make it through all the dark months, but I'm trying & I do have some strategies to get past the darker moments.   That's all I can do for now.

Take care.

Cya..