Not Good...

 

I didn't have a good day yesterday.   A lot of things just didn't go well.  Most of them weren't big, but they piled up.  I'm just done.  I can't fix anything, anymore.  But, that's who it'll fall to, me.  Because no one else is going to do it or much of anything else for me.  It's gotten passed the point of me just not wanting to.  It's really to, I just can't.  

This year has sucked & my birthday is this Sunday.  All I really want for it, is not to be here.  I don't think I can handle another year of this.  I'm just too broken & I may very well be missing pieces by now.  Other than my roomie & some cats, I don't have anything.  I'm trying to let those be enough.  But, there's nothing I want anymore except to get off this ride.  I'm tired, achy & usually scared.  This shouldn't be life.  I'm glad my parents are dead.  I hate them for condemning me to this life.

I should be in a better.  My labs did well.  It'll be cooling soon.  My birthday is near.  But, I just want to sleep & not wake up.   Abortion should be legal & highly recommended. 

Cya...

A Want..

 

There are a lot of things I'd like in this world, too bad most of them seem highly unlikely to ever be a reality; like enough resources to feel secure.  It was good sleeping weather last night & I got some much needed rest.  I'd like not have to be so dependent on the whims of nature as to how I sleep.  But that isn't something in my life.

So, I'm thinking of something that should be possible.  Whatever the estimate, it's always over a 1 million people in the US who are HIV+.  The virus is over 4 decades old.  Other than testing (done at labs) & new meds (pharmacy), little has changed since 2000.  Why do I still need a specialist?  Why isn't HIV treatment as available as anything else at your primary care's office?  It's time for this to be so common you don't need specialist.  Mine hasn't offered any new information on my illness in over decade.

Just my thoughts & wants.  I want enough to be secure & to no longer have to go to a specialist for my HIV.  At least part of that seems feasible.

Cya...

Cold Monday...

 

It's cold again & still drizzling.  The wet stuff is supposed to stop this afternoon, but the grey will probably linger until tomorrow.   We have to go shopping in a bit.   That'll be it for the day, except trying to get warm again.  

Things I'd like right now; warmer temps, better articles, more light, less Winter BS...   Too bad I can't control any of that.  For now, that's it, take care.

Cya...

Hello August...

 

August is opening hot.   Maybe the big heat will over this week.  I'd like to be hopeful, but I'm not.  This is nearing the end of the season & that worries me.  My SAD has been bad this year & you could probably put all the sunny, bright mornings of 2023 is a few weeks & those were scattered.  Even now, it's hazy.  It won't be bright until the heat burns off the haze & by then it'll be too hot to enjoy it.  2023 has been a suck pit. 

This is also the last month of my birth year.  In a month I'll be a year older.  This has not been a good year.  Then again, I haven't really had a good year in some time.   I could settle for not outright sucking if I can't get good. 

A lot of times, I feel like I was dumped on the Isle of Misfit Toys.  I think I've been there since some time in the mid 80s.  It's probably the last time I really believed things could/would get better.  

So August, I really hope you can be a decent month.  This was the only decent month of 2022.  Can we try for a repeat?

Cya...

Not Much...

 

Not much is a sentiment that seems to filling up more of my life.  There's not much going on.  I don't have much.  I don't want much.  I'm not sure why it happened, but it did.  There used to be lists of things I wanted or wanted to do, not now.  There were movies, books, albums that I was eyeing in that near future.  I don't have that now.  Maybe a lot of that's me, but not all of it.  Sure there are higher ticket items I'd like, but nothing within my range.  Even most of those high cost things are more of a need than want.  

I spend a lot of time looking for things to want.  I sift through youtube for new music.  Occasionally I find something, but I don't want to make myself sick of it.  So, I only listen to them here & there.   My reading's off again.  I have things, I'm just not in the mood at the moment.  That could be due to the abundance of crap that's been in the air for months making my eyes itchy.  

I'd like to blame it on getting older, but a lot people older than me have vast interest they pursue.   Right now, everything I watch on TV could end & I'd be alright with it.  I'd wonder what I was going to watch, but I'm not attached to any of those shows.

I guess that's why I'm staying as pissed off about the Netflix DVD cancellation as I am.  At least it was something to have coming.  Soon that will be gone.  All I'll have in abundance is being utterly underwhelmed with diversions.  There lies the rub, the things I did enjoy are gone or have been replaced by really crappy alternatives.

Enough complaining, take care.

Cya...