Good Bye July...

This is the last day of July. It wasn't a bad month.  We had a couple of really hot days & more really humid days.  This is weird, normally I'm OK with July ending.  But, this year, it's bothering me.  

This has been a weak Summer.  I didn't get near what I needed out of it.  Maybe some of that was my doing.   Neither did my yard plants.   None of them, other than mint, are doing as well as they should be.  The largest of the elephant ears are half the size they should be.  This has been a much darker, cooler Summer.

There are still some mid 90's in the forecast, not many. Summer is ending.  August is the last meteorological month of the season.  Even though the September equinox, Mabon, isn't until September 21st.   

It's taken me a long time to get to where I could deal with all the baggage that comes with my Birthday at the 1st of September.  Now, I'm having problems dealing with the entire dark half of the year.   I could let go of Halloween & Christmas.  I can get candy year round & Santa should've came earlier.  I'd gladly sleep through these months.

This morning was a bit brighter.  That helped a lot.  It got hazy soon after.   At least I got to wake up better than I have for days.  I do not appreciate this upcoming season.  I'm moving from sad, anxiousness to just being pissed off about it.  I'd gladly give up all that happens in those months just to stay in the light.

Good By July, this year you will be missed.  

Cya...

New Test & Day 4...

This article details a new test for detecting viral loads.  With the old test, it could take several days or more to get results.  This test can return them in an hour.  That would be a great help for everyone, especially those being treated at telemedicine & rural clinics.  This means quicker reactions to tests & better viral maintenance.   It's not here in the US yet, but this could really be beneficial.

It's day 4 of the morning glum.  Tomorrow is supposed to be better.   This hurts.  It's not just a matter of emotion or anxiety.  My body aches, my pulse is fast, blood pressure's higher, eyes feel swollen & my head is thudding.  I hate this weather.  

I knew it was coming last night.  I woke to go to the bathroom & my body was already reacting to it.    I fell back asleep & had a serious stress dream.  It was the 1st stress dream I've had in a while.  It wasn't even about anything stressful.  Still, I was anxious & twitchy when I  woke.

This is still July.  I'm really worried about mid-Winter.  I resent losing my bright days.  I hate the time changes.  It never makes my mornings brighter.  It just shortens the hours I have decent light.  Soon, it'll be dark by 4:30.  This drear makes me feel almost as bad as HIV ever did just in a different way.

Cya...

3rd Day Of Dismal...

For the last 3 mornings I've woke up around 6ish & it looked normal.  But, by 7:30, these damnable clouds have rolled in & gloomed up my day.  There hasn't been nearly enough rain for the amount of drear I've been forced to endure already.  

In only 3 days, all I had left of Summer light has been used up & I'm trying hard not to get into a funk.  I lay in bed & tell myself, it's just in my head.  By the time I'm up & around, I know that isn't true.  This damned drear makes me feel like crap.  I hate this. 

If the research I've been doing on light therapy doesn't pan out, I'm not sure what I'll be able to do.  I can't deal with another Winter like last year.  I just can't.  I barely made it through that & this Summer has been a weak season at best.  Most of the things I look forward about Summer failed to materialize to any decent level.  Soon, my fliers will leave & I wish I could just go with them.  

I'm just tired of all this.  I keep trying for nothing.  If the rest of this life is just going to be a downhill ride, then let the bottom drop out now.  I refuse to invest any more of myself into a life I never wanted.

Cya...

Trying...

I've been doing research into dawn simulators.  I thought I'd found a possible option.  It had a reasonable price & seemed simple enough.  But, when I looked at reviews, a lot of people mentioned mechanical issues.  This would be an online purchase for me & I'd have little way of recouping my lose if it broke.  On to more research.

I tried a new eye allergy med.  It was something my optometrist recommended.  I had a bit of reaction to it.  It may have just been it was new & there were a ton of fans blowing.  I wound up with dry, puffy, red eyes after the 2nd use.   My eyes are sensitive to meds, so I'll back off for now.  Maybe I'll try them again later.

2 tries, 2 fails, but at least I'm trying.

Cya...

Fading Out...

Yesterday, I talked about light boxes & dawn simulators.  Things to help with SAD.  I've found some options.  I don't know if they'll work.  I hope so.  

I woke up this morning & it was hazy.  But at 7 something, it looked dreary.  I felt a familiar twinge in me.  It was a brief bit of anxiety, bordering on panic.  All I could think was, "Not yet, not so soon."

It's supposed to rain today, but it's not just that.  The highest temp in the half month forecast is 94 F.   This is for now until August 10th.  How can 94 be our high?  August used to be our hottest month.  Now August is just a gateway to Fall.

All I could think was soon all the leaves will fade & my amazing flyers will be gone.  It will be dark & dreary.  My roomie will be back to her other schedule & I'll be alone more.  I'm a little anxious just typing about it.  

Summer temps are hard & the bigs drive can be awful.  Then there's the mowing.  But, at least I feel alive.  I really hope light therapy will help me.   I can't do another Winter like the last round.  I just really don't think I can.

I'm trying not to waste the rest of Summer in dread.  I'm ready to move somewhere with better light year round. I just don't know where that is or how to get there.   

Hopefully, you're in a better place than me.

Cya...

Dread & Preparation...

Why would someone my age notice school supplies being pushed at Walmart? It means school starts back in less than a month.  It's the end of Summer & the beginning of Fall.  The light will fade.  

I don't think I can handle a repeat of last year.  It was dark & dreary from mid-September to early May.   It was dry & allergy ridden.   It was very hard on me.

This Summer has been odd.  I've had a reasonable amount of Dragons, but very few Hummers.  I miss the Hummers.  The flowers & shrubs are strange too, they just don't quite look right.   I have had a lot lightning bugs.  That's been great, little blips of childhood joy in the night that make me smile.  

I've done pretty well this Summer.  I've been awake.  I've felt more alive.  I haven't been waking in a panic or spending the day stressed & anxious over nothing in particular.  I was considering meds last Winter to help with my mood, but it seems that what I really need is light. I'm seriously looking into light boxes, but they suggested trying a dawn simulator before investing in a light box.   

I really hope this works.  I don't think I can go through another drear-fest Winter.   Most resources promote light therapy over other forms.  I've not read to many good reactions from people who went on meds just for Seasonal issues.  They also promoted more interaction.  For now, light therapy seems like my best option. We'll see.

I hope so.

Cya....

New Pill On The Block...

Gilead's leading HIV med Biktarvy is about to be challenged by a new 2-drug regimen GlaxoSmithKline has in final stages of development.  The once daily pill hasn't been named yet but is similar to ViiV's Juulca.  Juluca is a combo of dolutegravir & rilpivirine.  While GSK's new med is basically Triumeq minus the Abacavir.  That'd mean the patient wouldn't need an Abacavir sensitivity test.

Juluca came out last year & GSK's med could be approved later this year or 2019. The best things about 2-drug regimens are that they should have lower cost, less potential reactions/interactions & any problems with the med should be easier to decipher.  2-drug regimens may not be the answer for every situation.  But, every bit helps & keeps the science moving forward. 

I appreciate GSK & ViiV more than Gilead.   Gilead has allowed it's drive for profits to push PrEP over other avenues.  The majority of Gilead's recent HIV meds are variations on Truvada.  Most of their meds contain the same 2 primary meds at varying dosages plus 1 or 2 differents drugs.  It's all basically varying degrees of PrEP.  IMO, GSK's singular approach & mentality is a problem.

Take care.

Cya...