I Hate Mornings...

 

I hate mornings, that means I woke up again.  Waking is the major culprit in this matter.  When it happens I'm angry, hurt, sad, frustrated, scared, anxious & so much more.  I feel betrayed that I woke up to here again.  This place has never treated me that well & each year it just gets worse.   When morning comes & I wake up, it's like I'm facing all of that for the 1st time.  I have no idea how to handle any of it & I don't want to even try.  If there were a button to hit to make you go back to sleep forever, I'd hit it every morning.  

At the moment, it seems everything in my life is failing, breaking or incapable of helping.  Both cars have issues, the house is ancient, appliances are decrepit, furniture needs replaced, the cats are the cats, etc...  This was stuff I used to be able to solve, but now every plan falls through.  Then more crap falls, like cable outages, TV's fritzing & power blips while appliances are running.  No single thing is devastating.  It's just all of them snowballing are overwhelming me.

My roomie is making plans to help her situation.  I hope they work.  I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be of any good to anyone.  

I'm waking up more now & my biggest trick can begin.  I'll lie to myself again & make myself believe this will all work out somehow.  I've done it all my life.  It's probably how I"ve hurt myself the most.  But it's the only way I can through day let alone a life.  I'll keep telling myself, things will work out.  I can't do that in the morning.  That me isn't buying my BS song & dance. 

I'll most likely get through today.  Still I'd hit that never wake up button every morning.  This definitely isn't an E-Ticket ride.  Life deserves the worst Yelp review.

Cya...