St. Pat's Day...

 

It's the Irish holiday & we're more than halfway through the month.  It'd be nice if it was a warm & sunny, but it's not.   We're supposed to be cold tonight & tomorrow & then back to more Springish temps.  Speaking of the season, the equinox is 2 days out.  

I hope I make through this year without too much of a SAD issue.  I'm not sure I will.  It's been dreary a lot & the forecast has a lot of cloud cover & rain.   I'm really starting to feel it.  Little things & nothing are setting my nerves off & stressing me out.  We had a wifi blip yesterday & was corrected.  Still the resolved issue set my nerves on edge for hours.  I'll probably pick a new router up on Monday.  There was no call for my stress, yet there it was & it's still here a bit this morning.

The neighbor's put their house on the market back in November.  It bothered me then.  They'd been good (quiet) neighbors.  Well, it sold & they packed up their stuff in a U-haul yesterday.  If they come back, it'll probably be just to clean up or check the mail.  

Watching them pack up really bothered me.  It wasn't really any of my business, but still it got to me.  It was part apprehension of what the new neighbors will be like.  There's nothing I can do about that, except hope they're decent, quiet & nice to strays.  

I'm irritated with myself for being so nervy about everything.  But more, I found myself jealous of those neighbors.  Like that last dandelion puff last fall that sent it's white seeds sailing into the sky, they were going somewhere.   Maybe it wouldn't be far, maybe it wouldn't be better, but it'd be new.  It'd be moving.  That may be my biggest regret, I stopped & I never should have.

I think any moves I wanted to make or grand adventures have long passed.  I may have to accept this life, but I doubt I'll ever embrace it.  I've been here a long time & I know no one.  I could leave tomorrow & not miss anything outside my house.  Other than my roomie & cats, I have no attachments.  I have a problem with the word home.  I've lived many places, but I've never really felt like they were my place or home.  I doubt I will.

So, I'm annoyed at my nerves & my envy.  I detest that most the new things ahead of me will probably be mostly hardships, challenges & bad news.   I don't see good things on my horizon.  Maybe that's why so many people stop fearing death.  It just might be new adventure or at least a way out of this tedious place.

When the light comes back, I'll be able to put on a better face.  Still, it won't really change anything about me, this life or the way things are headed.  Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to be less of a downer, but I needed to put this down this morning.

Take care.

Cya...