So This Is...

 

Growing up, we're filled with a lot of other people's ideas, notions, delusions, hopes, beliefs...  Most of this focuses on how things are, will or should be.  These things come from our families, friends, peers, leaders, media, etc... The problem is these ideas rarely hold up to when tested.  

We're told how we should live.  We're given work ethics & expectations.  They tell us of wonders, horrors, gods, heroes & villains.  But these things are what they were told by those who came before them.  Ours is a culture of should be's & not what is.

A specific point would be the holidays.  My roomie & I were raised with certain notions about the Christmas & what it should be.  Her experience is different than mine, her birthday's in the mix.  But the expectations of the holidays never held up.  They always started off right but then went askew.  They never provided what was alluded to & in the end were always a let down.

Now, being the kids we were, we questioned if this was somehow our doing.  I'm sure we would've got blamed for it if we asked.  But after the holiday specials, pretty lights, decorations & food; it all went back to normal.  The production of it all became apparent.  It was just a show we put on for ourselves. 

As adults, we used to try to emulate those early memories of Christmas.  Slowly we let them slide.  It was weird to do that.  It felt a bit like failing.   But, as time went by, we defined what the holiday would be for us.  Instead of a single big day, we'd try to do little things throughout the month.  We'd try for things to brighten up our lives without hoping for some grand event that would never come.

Are our holidays grand?  No, but that may be beyond what we can muster any more.  What they are is, ours.  They're our holidays.  They fit us & our wants, needs.  It's taken time to accept, but I think we have.  Now, after holiday our redefinition, it seems maybe a lot of other people are undergoing the same process.  What do these days mean to us?  What do we want/need out of them?  What are we willing/capable of doing for them without harming ourselves now or later?

Christmas isn't gone for us, but it's not what it was.  Part of me misses that.  I miss the lights, laughter & grandness.  I miss Winter parties at the theatre, huge parades & driving around looking at lights on beautiful homes.  But those things are memories now.

Sometimes acceptance feels like failure.  May be it is or maybe it's just letting the curtain drop & seeing the reality of it all.  A part of me will always have wished this was a lesson I hadn't had to learn.  But there are so many of those in our lives.

Take care, Happy Holidays.

Cya...