There are only 14 days left in my birth year. I'll add another year to my time here. This hasn't been a good year for me. It may actually be the worst I've had in quite a while. At least in the early 2020s there was COVID to blame. Now, I guess it's just me.
I suppose I'm mostly as well as I ever am healthwise. But in other ways I've felt blitzed most of the year. I read on the HIV forums a lot of poz people go through this. Maybe it's the virus, maybe it's just being tired of having the virus. Besides my roommate, I talk to very few people IRL. Everything other people speak to me about is either chattering small talk or HIV. I really wish I'd never heard the term.
This year, like most of the 2000s has been a bust for me. I hope it went better for other people. It just hasn't for me. I spent a lot of time panicky & scared as a teenager. I bounced from place to place just skating by as I could. But still there were fun times, friends & most importantly, I had at least a bit hope things could get better. It should've ended then. I might've been scared, but I at least something to hold on to, even if it turned out not to be real.
The 90s were dark for me. The 00s were mostly numb & disorienting. The 2010s were filled with just too many issues to juggle The 2020s have just been filled with an abyss of endings & unwanted beginnings.
I guess you could say, I don't have hopes for the upcoming year. It'll probably just slide a little farther down the pole. They say that fear is mind killer. If that's so, then hope is the devastator of the spirit. Just a pretty lie we tell ourselves to get buy. But the promise never holds when payment comes due.
2023 you sucked!
Cya.
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