This hasn't been the easiest starts to a month. I guess I should've expected that. There doesn't seem to be any of those left in my life. It's either costs soaring, things breaking, people going, shows cancelling, etc & on & on.
But I had a sobering morning. Every once in a while, I can sleep well enough that I'm not entirely aware of things for a bit. For a few moments, I'm relaxed, alright, hell maybe even a little happy. Then it all starts sinking in on me. I'm still here in this place, this life. Then I'm wide awake, anxious, frustrated & angry at existing.
Those few moments of peace, maybe even just seconds, cost me a lot when they fade. Then I'm tense, upset & looking for the exit. People should come with an "I'm Done" button. Something that would just let them peacefully opt out. I'd probably pushed mine when I was about 8. I would've missed some scare fun bits & some nice people, but I would have avoided the crap show of my life. I knew I shouldn't be here 5 decades ago. But I kept lying to myself, things would get better, there'd be good things, finally I'd feel safe. No one can lie to you, like you can lie to yourself.
I hate mornings.
Cya...
No comments:
Post a Comment