Uhgg Mornings...

I'm not a morning person.  I've never done them well.  If I can get to sleep, I can let myself be free of things for a while.   Notice the "If" in that sentence.  But past the dawn, in the nerve wracking mornings, I have to face whatever's been left for me. 

Recently, my roomie had a scare about  a health issue in the house.  I won't say more, don't want to cause any dismay.  Turned out it was nothing.  But I get the fear.  All my life I've dreaded mornings. & what they could bring.  Mornings could make you face the reality of really awful things.  Most of the time those things were just aggravating & irritating.  But, sometimes, it was so much worse.

Every morning I wake & wonder what's waiting for me.  What's out there that's going to screw with my life.  I'm still groggy, I usually need to hit the bathroom & I'm trying to have tunnel vision until I get the necessities handled so I won't see whatever bad thing might be lurking.

The cats are prone to give issues.  They can break things, make demands or leave very unwanted presents.  But, I get he health scare.  I wake fairly often & wonder is everyone still here this morning.  I don't have any plans for the day when the answer to that question is, "no".   I understand my roomie's scare, I've had it often.  

I hate mornings.  Some people see them is bright, happy beginnings of new days.  I just see them as someone  pulling back the curtain on every crappy thing that happened during the night.

Cya...

Another Cooler Day...

It's cooler again & smells like rain.  It never really delivered yesterday.  According to the forecast, this is probably our last cool day for a while.  Too bad, our electric use this month was a lot higher than last year.   I think it mainly has to do with how humid it's been.

August is almost here & our schedules will be changing.  I'm never really a fan of change, but oh well.   Hopefully, August won't heat up too terribly.  I'd accept July being our hot month of the year.

Not much in the articles today.  Maybe tomorrow.I call it quits for now.

Cya...

Thundering...

It's drizzling outside & there's quite a bit thunder.  I'll be brief on this just in case we have power blips or net outages.   We did some shopping this morning & I swear Walmart is trying to force people to shop at other stores just to get all their groceries.   Walmart keeps reconfiguring their product placement & much remains out of stock.  This store is seriously annoying.

We're home & the skies are grey.  It's pleasantly cool for the moment.  Until tomorrow.

Cya...

Who Am I...

For a long time people have struggled with the meaning of life & who they really are.  We are constantly growing & changing.  Who we are is an evolving thing.  It isn't stagnant or at least it probably shouldn't be.   With every new experience, decision, interaction we alter & so does the path out lives will take.

• I live in rural Oklahoma
• I'm gay
• I'm HIV +
• I have a roommate

Those are just things that describe my life.  They aren't who I am.  So many people these days are  so into personal identity politics, I don't think they even know who or what they are.  They spout:

• I'm a political this or that
• I support this or that
• I hate this or that
• You should(n't) be doing this or that

I hear a lot of dogma & rhetoric but little else.  They've replaced being a person with being a billboard for ideological agendas.   I have little interest in your ideology.  But, I might find you fascinating.  I guess we;ll never know if  you keep up with this Depeche Modish policy of truth quest of yours.

Cya...

Sticky Day...

The temperature may only be in the low 90's but the humidity is awful.  It's sort of sprinkling outside.  Just enough to add to the misery.  The trash is on the curb & my morning is over.  I spent it at the doctor's office for my routine visit.  He also got in my blood work for my thyroid.  That saved me a trip in a couple of weeks.  I'm running behind a bit, so this is all for today.

Cya...

TasP & Other Problems...

I've never been a proponent of treatment as prevention (TasP) to fighting HIV.   This article about South Africa shows the deficiencies of  TasP.    It showed even in places where half the infected were being treated, the transmissions failed to decline.   How much of the population has to be treated before there's serious impact on transmission?   Because treating 100% is a pipe dream.

We've heard all sorts of things about condoms.  Putin's Russia is blaming them for the spread of the virus.  Just ludicrous.  We've seen before how police officers  use the presence of condoms as evidence against sex workers.  This article tells how this is the now the case in China.    Now, the sex workers are less apt to use condoms so they can more easily avoid arrest.  Way to go cops, you're now a vector in the spread of HIV.

The medical world praised TasP & PReP, but they're not the silver bullet.  There is no panacea for HIV.   Treatment must be accompanied by education, information, prevention, testing, condom usage & any other reasonable tool we can develop.   Sticking our head in the sand with Tasp & PReP won't work.  These 2 options are preferred because they make pharmaceutical companies billions & they're easier.  Cheap & easy has failed.  You're looking to fight HIV, not a quick hook-up off of Grindr.   

If you want results, do the work.

Cya..

Tethers Cut...

When we're growing up, we unconsciously tether ourselves to people, places, events, things, etc...  I grew up all over the place due to my parents' issues.  I tied myself to very few people & I'm still not good at that.   I bound myself down in hopes of not drifting away.  I do so with my pets, a few friends, mostly to places that provided solace & escape.

I had my music & movies, but mostly I had the mall, a theater, a skating rink, a swimming pool & an assortment of eateries.  In my late teens I had to leave these places, but it was alright, I knew they were still there.  The pizzarias, hamburger joints, ice cream shops  would all still be there for other kids.  The older teen handout clubs would let them hear new music as they tried not to fade away.  

But, 1 by 1, most of those places have closed, some of the buildings aren't even there anymore.  No more skating rink or drive-in.  The beautiful old theater shuttered.  The fruit stand I bought stuff at as a kids disappeared right along with downtown.  

Little by little we come unfettered.  Things you may not have thought about in years.  Then 1 day, you see they're gone &  bit of you sails off into yesteryear & you're a little less bright.  I guess 1 day we'll be sepia or in grey tones.

Even if you've kept mooring yourself to new places & people, you'll never really forget your 1st ice cream cone, time at the movies, plummeting down the roller coaster.   I'll never buy tickets to the Coleman Theater again,  I won't go to the Tastee-Freez  for another dip cone,  Hell, even Bell's Amusement Park is gone.  All of these are just memories. now.  

My roomie hit this recently with the announcement of Hastings closing down.  It was part of her younger life & now the doors are closing.  No more looking for comics, music or game books.   No more burning hours there.

I guess we just have to try to keep building new ties & moors.  Sometimes, that seems awfully hard to do.   I wish you well with your tethering.  At least, the pool where I swam as a kid is still there.

Cya...