For quite a while I hated on the holidays. Then I grew indifferent to the idea. My roomie & I had our own things we did & it was fine by me. For years, I tried to avoid the holidays, now it seems like they're avoiding me.
I watch holiday specials with my roomie. I probably wouldn't on my own, they're a little too nostalgic at times. The specials, the songs, the season all seem like hollow promises. Maybe they were a well meaning trick & eventually we all figure out it's a show. But the suggestion that there would be good times, friends, family, food, presents, songs, lights, etc... never seems to hold up.
They say it's better to have experienced some things once & then lost them, than to never have had them at all. I don't agree. Even with the few good times with my family, the happy holiday events & other moments of seasonal joy, I think I'd rather not have known them. Now, I have to deal with the reality of it all. I was a little kid & it wasn't real. I could've lived without that.
Even though I can enjoy holiday specials, I can see the damage they do & unkept promises they made. There isn't always tomorrow to make your dreams come true. You probably won't be rewarded for being good. The twinkling lights will go out.
Sorry to be a downer, but this year's been weird & rough. The only light's I'm seeing this year are ours & I just can't seem to get lost in them like I used to. I've tried listening to the music & I just get annoyed. This isn't holiday hate or even avoidance. There just isn't anything there & that feels wrong on a lot of levels. Even when I avoided holidays, they were still there. Now, there's this weak, politicized, commercialized suggestion of what used to be. I feel like I've been sent on a snipe hunt for Christmas. But, you can't find what doesn't exist.
I'd like to think next year will be better, but things have been going downhill for years. I doubt another year will make a difference. This isn't bah humbug, it's just nothing.
For those celebrating, may it be grand time with lights, laughter & song.
Make some memories.
Cya...
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