Yesterday was cooler & I tried to enjoy it. But it was also dark. I tried not to focus on it, but I knew it. The only reason the light's changing & the slightly cooler day happened is that the season is winding down. I hate the end of Summer. Nothing good happens past that point. The last couple of Summer's haven't been that great. They've stayed dark throughout most of June. The sunlight only came with blazing temps.
It's been getting darker earlier. I do my best not to look as the streetlamp goes on. But I still notice it. My birthday is 3 Mondays from today. I really don't want to see it. It's not the getting older, it's the everything getting worse. I've wanted the same thing for years, not see another birthday. My day leads into the dark of the year & nothing good will come my way. It's already been a hard year & I'm tired.
Ever since the stroke & the anesthesia for the colonoscopy, I've been more aware of how little there is for me in this life. Each year, there's less & I don't think there's anything I can do about that. I've spent too much of my life without hope & I'm tired of being like some unwanted toy on an isle.
Sorry for the depressing post, but it's where I'm at right now. To the dark of the year people who revel in my helltime, may it do you in this year. May you freeze, suffer from SAD, be alone, powerless & without any thought as to how it could get better. If you go that for a day, then you'd have the briefest glimpse of what it's like for some of us once Summer ends.
Cya...
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