Good Bye 2015...

This always feel like sort of a rip.  People talk about the year ending & poor December gets passed over again.   Both are virtually out the door  & I'm still feeling a bit weird about it this year.   Last year, I wanted 2014 gone already.  

I don't know what it is, but over the past few years, I really feel like things have changed.  Maybe not in a physical way so much, but some how.  I just don't really feel like myself much. I'm not sure who I do feel like though.  I'm not sure I like this new thing.

Maybe 2016 will be a good year, but still this time I'm anxious.  Not like I have a choice.  So, hello 2016, let's try to make this work.   Good bye 2015, you treated me fairly well & it was appreciated.  Maybe it's just the good byes I'm tired of. 

Have a safe & happy New Year's Eve...

Cya...

Treatment Adherence...

According to this article, life insurance companies are starting to insure people living with HIV again.   That's because their life expectancy is going back up closer to normal.  However, this is mostly only true of  a certain population; affluent, white males.   

There are at least 1.2 million cases of HIV in the USA.  Less than a third are being treated or maintaining a regimen.  Let the shock & awe begin.

There are numerous factors as to why a person may not adhere to their regimen.  This article refers to them as social determinants.  These affect the person's environment, health, resources & emotional/mental well being.  Some are:

• Cultural pressures & stigma
• Economic resources
• Lack of any resources; food, shelter, etc..
• Lack of support
• Being an addict
• Being in an abusive situation
• Mental illness

These things hit those living on the fringe the hardest.  The poor, some populations of color or ethnicity or just those not in a position to speak for themselves.

There's only 1 real reason to adhere to the meds & regimens,  The person wants to continue living.  For an extremely ill person with little or no resources or support, why would they want to endure that?  What are they fighting for?  Believe me, living with HIV is a fight.  Everyday can be trying in the best of circumstances.  For those in the worst situations, HIV must be utterly overwhelming.  Without support, then why should they bother?  Just to continue existing?  That could really only be said by someone whose never been in a truly awful situation.

For those that don't adhere, they are endangering their own lives & possibly those of others.  But don't shame, chide or ridicule them.  If you care so much, try to help them.  But don't open that can of worms unless you can really handle it.  Stepping into that will be a world most people will never glimpse & will wish they never had.

Cya...

3.. 2... 1...

2015 is almost over, there are just 3 days remaining.  This time last year I was ready for 2014 to be out the door.  I'm not in that place now.   This has been an odd year & I've been all over the place, but it hasn't been a bad year.  There were some upsets, but nothing insurmountable. 

The theme of the articles I've been reading the last few days has been shame.   I hasn't mattered if the article was dealing with being + or something else,: fat, sexually active, politically inactive, etc...  There's always a push for people to try to make others feel less about themselves.  It's stupid, but that's what some people do to build themselves up.  

It doesn't matter the reason, but whenever someone is trying to shame you, they're actually trying to tear you down.  Only those beneath you would try to tear you down.  Only those fearful for their own position in life would go on the attack over such matters as being +.

I finally got around to watching The Normal Heart.  It was gut wrenching.   I hate it how they tried to destroy the character Ned Weeks.   Ned was everything they needed & asked for, but couldn't handle.  The people the characters Ned & Tommy were based off were the only 1's worth mentioning in that sad group.  Their actions were what got things to happen, not those other closet cases.  If you haven't seen the play or the film, you should.

The final rain totals for my area are ranging from a conservative 9 to a high of 12".  That's a lot of rain.   A lot of roads in my area are closed.  Hopefully, the water will recede soon.

Stay dry.

Cya...

Post Storm Yuck...

The rains came in hard & lasted all day yesterday.   The totals vary where you look, but the rain was between 6 - 11".   I think 1 end of town got the low end & the far side got the high number.   It seems to be over with for now.  There's no more in the immediate forecast.  For that, I'm very happy.

This weather has left me feeling cold  & achy.   It's supposed to be under freezing every night for the next week.   More seasonal temperatures are finally here.  Maybe all the bugs will finally die off.   this weird December weather caused a flea outbreak. May they die soon.

My head is seriously fuzzy & congested.  I feel a bit flu-ish, but it's just the big weather shifts.  I hope everyone is safe & dry.

Cya...

Need A Boat...

In a little over the last 12 hours, we've had almost 6" of rain.  It's supposed to keep up like this all day & possibly through tomorrow.  We'd already passed our monthly rain averages & the ground was saturated.   The local rivers were already above their banks.  There's going to be some serious flooding.

I'm really surprised the net hasn't dropped.  It was iffy this morning.  Hopefully, it'll hold up.  Same goes for the power.  

They had forecast over 10" for the 3 day period.  At this rate we could meet those expectations.  That could be really bad.

Stay safe & dry.

Cya...

Rainy Day After...

The holidays have passed & we survived fairly well.  We had a good time yesterday.   After seeing the new Star Wars, we went to a friends for lunch.  I'm glad it's passed though.  It was a little tiring.  The holidays are okay, but I don't like the disruption they cause in everything.

I'm not going to post much today.  I'm just glad I can post.  The net blipped out earlier due to the weather.  It's likely to happen again.  We are having some serious rain.  They say the rain totals could range from 3 - 10".  That's a lot of rain in a few days.  I really hope we lean towards the low end.  We're already halfway flooded around here.  No snow for the south this year, just heavy rains, thunderstorms & tornadoes.   Yippie!

I hope your holidays went well.  Now gear up for New Years.

Cya...

Busy Christmas...

We've got things to do, shopping to do, movies to watch & people to see.  Shortly we'll be on the road.  So, no time for a long post today.  

These are my Holiday wishes for you:

• Be healthy
• Be happy
• Be safe

I hope those 3 things find you this day & for the rest of the 2015.  Take care & be kind.

Cya..

Eve...

It's Christmas Eve & my roomie's birthday.  There's been some bustle the last few days getting things around.  That probably won't change until this weekend.  

There haven't been many articles on new matters lately.  It's mostly been rehashing.  Maybe they're waiting until the holidays blow over.

I hope whatever plans you have for the holidays go well.  Be safe.

Cya...

Not Much...

Have a busy morning ahead & I'm not sure when else I'll feel like blogging.  On that note, I am feeling mostly better.   It rained a lot last night & knocked out our power.  It's back now.  We're expecting big rain totals this weekend.  I'm glad we aren't expected to do anything. 

Texas has decided to emphasize just what an amazingly, idiotic & assholish state it can again.  It has decided not only to cut medicaid funds from Planned Parenthood, but now they're also cutting the contract that allowed Planned Parenthood in Texas to handle HIV matters.

Basically anything dealing with sex in a healthy matter, this stupid state has cut.  Abstinence only is an utter failure.   But, that isn't what they really care about.  All they really care about is throwing their hateful religious beliefs in everyone's faces that don't line up with them.  Say hello to a lot more unwanted pregnancies & HIV cases.   If there weren't some decent people in that state, I'd say torch the place.  Oklahoma needs a wall between it & Texas.  

Sorry about the rant, but this is just ridiculous.

Cya..

Happy Solstice...

It's Solstice or Yule or Saturnalia.  Whichever 1 suits you, I hope you have a great time.  The longest night is here & after this the days will brighten.  So long Holly King.  

I hope your holidays are going well.  I'm starting to feel better,  Not quite normal, but getting there.  There's things to do for the rest of the week.  Mostly for my roomie, but I can do with more rest. Enjoy what's left of 2015.

Cya...

Need For More Testing....

This British article shows HIV testing rates are extremely low, even among those who know they are at a high risk of contracting the virus.   The rates were shown to be comparable to those in the United States.  What does this tell us?  There's not enough testing. 

I stand by my belief, testing should be mandatory & at regular intervals.   This isn't just for HIV.  I think it should be done for any communicable illness in the area; hepatitis, TB, other incurable STI's, etc...

I know this isn't a popular opinion.  But, without testing & treatment, illnesses such as these will only continue to spread.  The health of a community should outrank the sensitivity of an individual.  People have had decades to adjust to the idea of being tested for HIV & have simply refused to do so even for their well being, let alone that of others.

Like I said, I know my opinion isn't popular.

Cya...

Still Ill...

I still feel like crap.  I hope this passes over soon.  It's really tiresome & annoying.  I know it's just a nasty cold, but still, it needs to go.  I slept a lot the last 2 nights, but apparently I still haven't got enough to get me rested.  That's about all I can do for today.  Until tomorrow.

Cya...

PS:  I hate the way that capital "I's" look like lower case "l's" or "1's".  That last character was a number.  It looks like I titled this Still 3.

Drippy Awfulness...

I guess everything finally caught up to me & wore me down.  I feel like crap.  My nose is dripping horribly.   My sense of smell & taste are totally screwed.    My throat is raw & I'm very tired. 

At least we got yesterday's errands dealt with, at least those we remembered.  1 slipped our mind, but it'll hold until Monday. It was more tiring than it should've been.

I don't have much to post on today.  I'll leave you with this article on HIV stigma in Thailand.  I warn you, it's seriously depressing.

Cya...

Heading Out...

Have some errands to run & not a lot of time to post.  I'll write more tomorrow.   Stay safe & warm. sorry for the micro-post.

Cya...

Only A Week...

Only 7 days until Christmas Eve & in this house more importantly, my roomie's birthday.  We're  got our plans made for the holidays.  The dinner is planned.  I just need to grab a few last minute things & we're set.  

My throat is pretty roughed up this morning.  The weather took a nose dive & the humidity jumped.  After the warm days, it was a shock to the system.  I'm on my 3rd hot tea of the morning.

We've got some errands tomorrow.  We'll wind up back over in Fort Smith for an appointment,   Then back home for the weekend.  Hopefully, December & 2015 will close out without any serious drama.

Cya...

Coughs & Colds...

We're going through our 1st round of colds this season.  It's nothing serious, but it's annoying & tiresome.  I'm mainly dealing with a lot of drainage & congestion.  Colds generally aren't that big of a deal, but they wear at you.  When you're already pretty worn down, they can be a real pain.

I've talked a lot about spoons & energy to deal with things before.  But at the opposite end of the  spectrum are those things sucking up your strength.  Colds are major energy hogs.  They drain you.  Whatever spoons you had are knocked way down.  

I know this won't be the only cold of the season.  They just happen.  There isn't much you can do besides stay hydrated, treat the symptoms & rest.   There are no meds that really deal with ending the cold.  They're just 1 of things you have to suffer through.  

Cya...

Sunnier Day...

The sun's actually shining today.  That's a good thing after all that rain.  I'm still feeling off a bit physically.  The weather's been all over the place & it's killing my sinuses.

I've got some stuff to do &  then I have to head out.  My roomie's visiting her friend in Fort Smith.  I'll post more tomorrow.

Cya...

Not So Good Morning...

I'm not doing all that well this morning.   The weather has done a bit of a number on how I feel physically, but I can deal with that.   I woke up a little early this morning.  I've still not adjusted to Winter sleep patterns yet.  

I had disconcerting dreams about people who used to be important to me.  People who choose to or were purposely removed from my life.   None of these were due to flippant decisions on my part.  That part of blame, I won't accept.  

I kept wondering why these people were in my dreams.  I didn't speak to or even know where most of them were anymore.  I knew it was some kind of weird dream & what made it really strange was that it felt like they somehow knew it as well. Sometimes dreams just suck.  Not uncommon for me.

I woke up anxious & couldn't really get back to sleep.  I just kept thinking about my life.  Something I try not to do too much.  Ever since I was a kid, definitely by the time I was hitting my teens, I've been jumping from frying pan to frying pan & sometimes right into the fire.  I'm not sure how many more jumps I have. I have absolutely no idea where I'd land.  I doubt it would be a good place.

I used to have more people in my life, now I have 1.  I hate that, but I'm not sure how to fix it any more.  This situation often leaves me in a state of anxiety & what-if's.  

When I was young, I didn't think there was anyway I'd live past 30.  If I'd been right, at least I'd avoided HIV & the 2000's;  you know things like 9/11, The Tea Party & the Kardashians. 

I think I'm really out of answers & plans.  I'm just skidding by & it's not fun.  I'm really tired of being anxious, panicky & scared of what comes next. It's exhausting.

Cya...

Rain Again...

It was  warm again yesterday.  It's finally starting to cool down again with this rain.  These weather fluctuations are giving us colds.  Yippie!

We were social last night.  My yearly goal of doing something social at least once has been met.  Go me!  

The gathering went well enough.  Not as many people showed up as expected, but it was seriously raining.  Since last night we've gotten somewhere between 2.5 - 3.5".  It's still raining, so those numbers will increase.  

I hope everyone's holiday season is going well.

Cya...

Running Out Of Saturdays...

There are just 2 more Saturdays in 2015.   I think I'm ready for it to go now.  I could change my mind about that tomorrow.  Eventually, it won't matter what I think about the passing of 2015.   

I seem to be passed hating the holidays.  Mostly, I'm just fairly indifferent to them these days.  My roomie & I have our traditions & I like them.  But, they have little more in common with the actual holiday celebrations than timing.   I'm good with that.

It's really warm here today.  Yesterday we came close to 80 F.  that isn't supposed to happen in December in Oklahoma.  Things will probably cool off soon. We're expecting some big rain.  It'd be the 1st rain of the month.

We have a get together this evening.  I hope it goes well.  I've not been exactly social these days.  It could be nice, we'll see.  

Until tomorrow.

Cya....

Errands & Such...

We've got a lot to do today.  Some are here in town, the rest are in Fort Smith.  I'm not sure how long this will take or when we'll be back.  I'll post more tomorrow.

Oh, amazingly, my pharmacy actually got the delivery correct.  I'd say great for them, but it's really a great for me.  I didn't have to call them back & figure out another mess.

Cya...

Waiting For The RX...

My meds should be delivered today.  I hope I got that last mess straightened out with CVS.  Some one on their end had set a duplicate account for me & it was really screwing things up.  I've been with this pharmacy since the early 2000's, but for some reason they were telling me I was a brand new customer.  I was on the phone with them for several hours over a 2 day period trying to sort this mess out.

According to them, I'm all set.  We'll see when the delivery arrives.  I hope it's intact.  I really don't want to have to mess with them today.  They can be very tiresome.

Cya...

Countdown...

The 2016 countdown is on.

• 13 days until Winter Solstice
• 15 days to Christmas Eve
• 16 days until Christmas
• 22 days until New Years eve

3 weeks & a day is all we have left.  There's Kwanzaa in there & Hanukkah is already underway.  It really seems to have gone by quick this year.

I'm a little anxious over it this time.  I don't know why.  I don't really have the drive for resolutions this year.  I did well with them in 2014, but no so much this year.   

Right now having reasons is sort of like having spoons & I just don't have enough for all that right now.  Maybe that'll change.  It could have something to do with this thyroid issue I may have.  Or it might not.  I'll just have to wait & see.

I hope your holidays & their plans are going well.  I wish you all the best for this season.  Try to be kind to others.  Sometimes that kindness is all some people have.

Cya...

No One Deserves It...

This article discusses how Burt Reynolds while on the British panel talk show, Loose Women, stated he didn't feel sympathy for Charlie Sheen's HIV status.   That's fine.  He doesn't have to care about someone else's health.    But Burt went on to say, Sheen deserved to get HIV, because he misbehaved very badly.

What a crock.  Especially coming from someone like Burt.  He was never known for his safe play & was once accused of being + himself.  No one deserves HIV or any other disease.  Should Sheen have taken less risks & paid more heed to his behavior?  Most likely, considering he wound up HIV +.  But, that's his business, not Reynolds.

It seems Burt Reynolds was merely trying to stir the publicity pot to promote his memoir.  It seems to be a lot of name dropping & self promotion.   Burt continued to make a stink by saying how sorry he felt for Martin Sheen & even stepping into the fray between Angelina Jolie & John Voight.  Any way to get some attention.

I used to be a fan of Reynolds. I haven't seen anything of his in ages & wouldn't consider it after this.   This was not Burt's story & he shouldn't have tried to make it his own.  When I was diagnosed, a former friend did that to me.  He made my health his own personal tragedy.   A person's health is their business, not yours.  You may be affected by it, but it's their story not yours.  Have some tact.  

Cya...

Just 3 More Mondays In 2015...

This year is slipping away.  I usually don't care that much or I'm actually kind of happy about it.  This year, I'm finding it a bit odd. I'm not sure why.   This hasn't been that hard of a year in most ways, but in others, it's been very tiring.  I don't think I did much this year.  

Maybe I'm letting the season get to me again. Maybe it's the thyroid thing.  I'm not really down or even anxious.  It's just like there's this little buzz going on in the background.  Like some bad wire or an annoying fly.  It's not harming me or threatening, it's just a pestering thing.

I wish I had the finances to live some place like Hawaii.   I think I'd like the year round temps &  more even light levels.   Maybe all these seasonal things would be less bothersome.  I wouldn't miss the cold or snow.  

This hasn't been a bad season  so far.  For the most part I've done fairly well with it. I just don't really seem to care about it that much.  I'm just finding the matter sort of blah.  I guess blah is better than hating it like I used to.

Here's hoping your season goes well.

Cya...

Responsibility...

Owning up to the actions you take is a sign of being a mature, responsible person.  Allowing people to blame their actions on other things, especially inanimate things, is enabling. The 1st is a good thing, the other isn't,

There's been a trend among people, government leaders, health officials, etc.. to blame other things for people's behavior.   Let's blame drugs/alcohol, let's blame heavy metal & don't forget D&D.  All of these things have been blamed for what society deems illicit behavior.  From rock-n-roll to feminism to environmental activism;  all have been blamed for what others call bad behavior.

In the past few years Craig's List has been blamed for the spread of HIV & STD's.  Now it's dating apps, like Grindr.   Officials in some countries are saying the rise of dating apps is the reason they're seeing a rise in HIV rates among their younger men.  

It may be true, these men are using dating apps to meet up, but Grindr isn't infecting anyone with HIV.  Grindr is merely making it easier for these guys to hook up.  Their risky behavior is what's driving the HIV transmission rates.  Stop blaming things for people's behavior.

These people are old enough to use a dating app.  They could've been taught safer sex behaviors,  They could've been taught to understand the risks of unprotected sex.  But, instead of focusing on education & prevention, some would rather blame an app. 

How  reasonable & adult is that?

Cya...

Syndication Issues Continue...

Not sure what's up with Networkedblogs & I'm beginning not to care.  They've been fighting my posts for days & something about them is causing Facebook to refuse their publication.  I think Networkedblogs is trying to going purely for-pay.  They aren't worth that.  Especially not for someone like me.  I don't do enough to merit paying for syndication.  That was never my point.   I think I can work around this.  Sorry for any bumps along the way.

Cya...

Bills Friday...

We had a bit of a hurried morning.  It's the 1st of the month & that means bill time.  We try not to handle bills on the same day that we do groceries, but sometimes it can't be avoided.  Today was like that.  Things were a bit rushed.

I'm not sure what's going on between Facebook & Networkedblogs or Blogger for that matter.  They're being weird about letting my posts through.  I'll have to handle it manually if this doesn't straighten up.    The posts are done, they're just not getting onto other sites.

Time to watch the return of Top Chef.  I'll post more tomorrow. 

Cya...

We Shut Up...

This article is about  how we don't talk about HIV & AIDS anymore, not really.  When I was a teen & 20 something, back during the '80s & '90s, there was info on HIV everywhere.  It was on billboards, magazine insets, posters at school.  There were drag shows & benefits held at gay bars to give to AIDS charities helping people living with HIV.    You couldn't turn to any form of media without HIV eventually showing up in the conversation.  

They thought they were helping by getting the word out there.  But, the way they approached it, all it accomplished was desensitizing the public to the subject.   We were bombarded & overwhelmed.    HIV was a scary & highly stigmatized subject in the 90's.   All this info overload was taxing &  isolating.  Most adverts were aimed at highly, sexually active gay men & IV drug users.  Not something, a lot of people wanted to be associated with back then or now.

People got tired of hearing about it,  People always get annoyed hearing things they don't want to after a while.  No matter how relevant. I wondered if some of that wasn't intentional on some groups part.  Let's desensitize them to this & they'll get lax on the matter.  

If that was the case, it's working.  HIV is spreading due to ignorance & lack of communication.  Treatment as prevention isn't going to stop HIV. We need serious & genuine conversation.  We need to talk about the issue, not have it blasted at us by 50' billboards or unnerving magazine inserts.   We need to discuss the topic & promote awareness, risks, testing, treatment & understanding.

We need to use our words again.  Not as a judgement or a means to separate, but as a means to unite & move forward against HIV.

Cya...

Annoying Morning...

I got a weird call from a CVS pharmacy rep this morning.  She was acting weird & I was getting suspicious of the veracity of her identity.   The call dropped before I could question them further.  

I called back to my normal number & placed my order.  I was informed they hadn't received some refill orders, big surprise.   I asked about the weird phone call, they knew nothing.  I had them check my info & everything seemed in order.  

I called my doctor's office about the refills.  They said the refills had already been called in earlier, but they'd send them again.  Turns out they may have been earlier faxed to another department of CVS.  I'm with the specialty, not the regular pharmacy.  I think they got crossed.

It seems to be handled for now.  I'll know more later.  Hopefully, the order arrives complete.  They've been doing well the past few times.  I guess they're due for a screw-up.  Fingers crossed.

Cya...

Good Bye November, Hello December & World AIDS Day...

Today is World AIDS Day.   The day is meant to promote awareness of AIDS, HIV & those efforts to end the disease as well assisting those living with it,  My best wishes to this effort.  This article talks about 8 myths associated with HIV.

November is gone & we're into December.  We ended the month with nearly a foot of rain & uber drear.   Thankfully, today is somewhat less dismal.  That might actually be a bit sunlight shining through the window,  It's been so long. Can't get near the windows though, the cats have plastered themselves to any spot that has some light coming in on it.  

OK, December, all I really want is for there to be as little drama as possible.  Can we do that?  I hope so.   Here come the holidays & Winter.

Cya...