People face a lot of crap when they find out that they are +, or for that matter, have any other serious or potentially terminal illness. There are all the straight forward things like the illness itself, the process of being treated & of course the $ issues. There's the frustration of the situation. Trying to figure out what's going on. Is this real? Am I going to die? How will I possibly get through this?
Then all the other issues start to hit. Can I keep working? If not, what will I do? Can I get on disability? How long will that take? What will my friends & family think? Will they be there to help me, if I need it?
These are scary questions. You may lose your job & there goes your insurance. You may not qualify for disability & as I've mentioned before that process is nightmarish & humiliating. You may've helped those close to you through all kinds of hell, but once the crap is in your corner, a lot of people forget all about how you helped them out in the past.
You may find yourself alone, without any notable resources & unsure how you're going to get through today, let alone tomorrow. But the fact is there are still worse things to deal with to come. On of them is what I'd like to talk about today, the "Alleged Friend" or the Divulger.
A lot of my friends are no longer in my life. My family hadn't been in life for years before I was diagnosed as +. Most of my friends were from college & had gone their own ways. I moved to a mostly unfamiliar area to help out a friend whose mother had just passed away. He wasn't handling being alone well. I moved in & got a job did what I could.
A couple of years later my health declined & I lost my job. I had been tested for HIV & never turned out +. I hadn't had sex with any one since before my last two tests. I thought I was clean. Turns out that I finally spent over eight hours in an ER & they ran another test & I was +. Apparently some people take longer to show as + then others.
I was seriously ill & definitely thought it might just be better to die, than to continue on feeling like I did. I could barely walk, stay awake, eat & I never felt warm. Everything in my life was a challenge. It took over a year to get onto any meds & by that time I was far worse off. Add to that, the only clinic that would see me wanted 50$ every time I came through the door. Luckily my now roomie, had the $ to help me out. She was the one who took me to all my appointments & paid for the things I needed. My Then roommate, who I'd moved down to help out, couldn't be bother to do anything.
What my Then roommate could do, was to run his damn big mouth. Some how, everyone I talked to already knew I was +. They told me how fortunate I was to have my Then roommate as my friend. My Then roommate had told everyone, everything about my health situation & had painted himself out to be a freaking saint. He tried to hork glory, notoriety & sympathy off of my being ill. This whole situation had become entirely about him. What an ass. Unfortunately, at that time I was fairly trapped in the situation & he knew it.
This lasted until he found a boyfriend, who was allegedly bothered by my + status & my Then roommate hit the road. What I really think happened was, that he had horked all the attention off of my illness that he could & moved on to the next thing in his life. Good riddance.
The point is that there are people in your life who are going to try & make the bad things in your life, theirs or at least mostly about them. Get rid of these people. They are one of the worse things that can happen to you. They will only help you if it gets them something in return. They can only bring you down & make the situation worse. Kick these people to the curb. Your illness, your bad thing is just that, yours, not anyone else's. Don't let these people try to monopolize your misfortune. They are vultures & as soon as they've gotten all they can out of the situation, they will move on to the next one.
If you are +, terminal or just in a bad place you don't need any one bringing you further down just to build themselves up. Here's hoping you have real friends & genuine support in your life.
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