Yesterday I posted about my ex roomie. He was someone I used to consider a friend, a rather unfortunate one, but still a friend. He was unfortunate because he was always down on himself. He thought of himself as ugly. Truth be told he wasn't ugly, rather plain & unremarkable yes, but not ugly. At least not physically.
He used his alleged bad looks to justify anything that had ever gone wrong in his life. He was a very judgy person & as much as he judged himself, he was far more critical on others. Any action he found questionable was reason to be criticized. He's one of those people who thinks that every rich or famous person out there that just happens to be gay is obligated to come out & speak for all the world to see. He feels that it is their responsibility to turn their lives into big, gay pride spectacles, all the while he remains fairly closeted himself. Hypocrite!
I was never a prudish type & had my fair share of sexual encounters. I was gregarious, outgoing & not at all a wallflower. I used to try to take him out with me, but it always became a chore & then when he did tag along, no one had any fun. He would bitch, gripe & most of all judge everyone else at the bar. His judgments were always so obviously a means of trying to make himself feel better by putting others down.
When I was living with him, I'd always hear things about myself from people I really didn't know. I'd ask them who had told them that & eventually it would always lead back to my ex roomie. I'd confront him & of course he'd deny it. Coward. I eventually told the people he worked with that they might want to get together & talk amongst themselves to see what all my ex rommie had said about them to the others. That brought some hell down on his head. HA.
When I was diagnosed as +, he made serious promises to help out, like that ever happened. The only thing he did do, was to use my diagnosis as a new way to judge me. I must be a bad person or else I wouldn't have gotten to be +. Total BS. I am +. It is my responsibility that I am +. I thought playing safe was good enough & it wasn't. However, my diagnosis has nothing to with my morality or ethics.
Being +, no matter how a person came to be of that status, is not a reflection on that individual's worth. Yes, he/she may have gotten to be + from cheating on a spouse, doing IV drugs or by being rampantly promiscuous, but that still doesn't make the fact they happen to be + a value judgement on their character. Those other things may be used by some to judge these people, but being + isn't a character flaw.
Even if my ex roomie hadn't moved out on his own accord, his behavior & judgmental nature were already sending me out the door. My current roomie & I were already making plans on the matter. You can't stay in a place where someone feels so morally superior to you hat they feel it is their obligation & right to constantly criticize & condemn you.
I don't have any funny captions for this entry or video clips. The judges aren't worth my attempts to be funny or witty. To hell with them. May your lives be as judgement free as possible.
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