Our "Q" today is tilting a windmills in a most Quixotic way. Thus is the way of those of us who pursue unrealistic idealism or attempt to live with unobtainable goals. What have you lowered your lance at lately?
When I was younger I had this peculiar notion that if did my academics to the utmost & performed at my job as a college professor beyond reproach, that I would be considered valuable to my employers on merit alone. After all, isn't merit what really matters? I was wrong. There are many other things that mattered. What do you look like? How do you speak? What committees or social events do you attend? Who do you know/blow?
I wasn't valued by those people. I was not retained. I was over looked for some boring, not nearly as accomplished, brown-nosers. Yes, I can see how that sounds like sour grapes. But it isn't, at least not anymore. Those suck-ups played politics, kept their publications risk-free & dressed like every other old fuddy-duddy professor. What the academic conclave wanted was younger versions of themselves, not something new & innovative. That would mean that they might have outlived their usefulness.
I have had my wars & held my grudges. I have felt that things should be this way or that, when they weren't. I have spent a lot of energy on these things & it usually amounted to not.
The funny thing about being diagnosed + & nearly facing death, is that it puts some things in perspective. I do my best not tilt at too many windmills these days, they just don't matter to me as much as they used. I have accepted three things. First, back to que sera, sera. What's going to happen is, going to happen & there is little reason for me to believe that I can actually change the world. How very Eva & Ché of me. This the way of things & I don't wish to spend what little energy I have left fighting for something I'll most likely never see in my lifetime. Maybe that's selfish of me, but oh well.
Second, let's go with live & let live. No one has the right to change anyone else. End of statement. If you don't like someone's behavior (assuming it's not illegal) then avoid them, leave them, say the proverbial, "Enough is enough." Maybe that's simplistic & maybe sometimes you can't get away from them, but if you can, you should. You only have the right to take actions that affect you, like removing yourself from a situation involving difficult people.
Finally, as all of this has begun to sat in on my life, I've noticed that this lance thing can get damned heavy & my steed tires easy these days. For the most part I've taken a F*#K- it attitude. I love Maxine from the Hallmark cards & her approach to life. I can't change a lot of things, but I'll damned if I'm going to give them any more power in my life than I absolutely have to. To all those things out there that irritate me, to the people who don't take so kindly to me, to the SOB's who dislike gays or people who are +, I have one thing to say with arms crossed & bird flying, "F%*K YOU!!!"
I will do my best not to tilt at the windmills. I will do my best to realize the limits of my reach. However, if some smart-ass comes within reach, it's going to get slapped.
Cya
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