Today's word is Change. I've stated before I am a Virgo & rarely do I consider change to something to be taken lightly. Even if it is a change you desire or even pushed for, you still may not know the full ramifications the change will have on your life.
There are many ways to define the word, but at the core of the matter it is the action of altering the course or nature of something from what it had been before. Dyeing an Easter Egg green is changing the egg's previous white color.
When you become +, change is something that will permeate every aspect of your life. I am not exaggerating. HIV can take every single aspect of your existence & toss it like someone put you in the spin cycle. Your health, your social life, your finances, your emotional state, etc... all of these are face a whirlwind of alteration.
These changes come in a variety of forms. There are those that you will have absolutely no control over & neither will anyone else. For instance, your health or reactions to various meds. There are those that others will have control over but you won't, like people who choose to leave your life. Then there are those that you will impose on your on life. You may opt to remove to stressors from your life. You may limit your exposure to certain people, because you feel weird.
I found that people left. My hair mostly left. I gained a lot of weight & only recently found out about HIV related weight gain that's associated with some earlier HIV meds. My finances tanked. I found nearly aspect of my life depleted, exhausted or altered beyond recognition. Guess what? There was very little I could do, but accept it. That seriously sucked.
Slowly my life gained some sense of reason & rhythm. My life will never be the "normal" it was before HIV. That's gone, but there is a new "normal". My meds treat my HIV, but they don't stop me from feeling like crap some days.
HIV makes you face somethings. You have to face the fact that change will happen whether you like it or not. My state of health can change by the day, the way I feel can change by the hour & that's just my life now. I don't like it, but that's what is now. I guess the only thing that isn't going to change is the fact that I am +.
Change can be about transformation, like the Magician card of the Tarot. Maybe, just maybe, we can make this metamorphosis as positive as possible. I may not turn into some beautiful butterfly, but I can settle for a quirky moth.
Cya
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