The Letter D...

The letter of the day is "D" & the word is Demarcation.  The act of demarcation simply means making a distinction between things or types.  One can draw the proverbial line in the sand.  There can be a line between the tide levels of a beach.   Warring children might make a line straight down the middle of their room to mark sides.

As a + there are many acts of demarcation to be had.

• The times between taking medicine
• The times between medical appointments
• The times we need to rest

Those are obvious, but there are others.  We have to force ourselves to live in the now.  We can be concerned about the future & we may relish the past, but we have to live in the now.  This state of being + is now our life, there is no going back, we crossed the proverbial Rubicon.  We can not afford to waste our resources wallowing in the past & the what-if's.

I don't enjoy drawing the lines in the sand.  However, it is necessary.  We have to know how far we will let others go in our lives.  There are things that you just don't have the energy to deal with once your +.  My last roommate, constantly pushed the boundaries of our friendship with his actions.  Eventually, his actions led to such a point, that I could no longer tolerate the chaos & dread he brought into my life.  I really hate that he had to push things that far.  But that was his choice, mine was to protect myself.

For us, the biggest line of demarcation is easy, before & after finding out we were +.   Some people manage HIV, so there's actually very little change in their lives.  That wasn't the case for me or most people I've known.  I knew a lot of + people in the 1980's & their recognition of the disease was almost absolute.  They took a rock star attitude about the matter, "better to burn out than fade away".  The partied like it was the end of the world, because for them it was just that, the end.   The drank, snorted, danced, & screwed themselves into oblivion.   They raced like a moth straight into the flame knowing full well it would be the death of them & they embraced it.

The area past the line of knowing you're + is different now.  I won't say better, but definitely different.  We have meds that keep us going,  that keep some of us in our "normal" lives.  Before they were raging zealots of life burning themselves out like comets.  Now, sometimes it feels like we're more like reluctant zombies, just trying to get through life without infecting anyone.

So are you in the land of the living or the dead?  Are you living or existing?  Do you have any idea of where you're going or what you even want?  For me, I'm not always sure about any of that. But my line in the sand today is that I am still here & I will continue on with my life, my blog & my friendships.

Cya