It's another Wednesday. The last 1 of August. The last W'day of the year before my birthday. I guess all these days this week have been the last of their kind for me this year. No more Sundays, Mondays or Tuesdays either. Soon there will be none of any of them.
I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's not the days passing or me getting older. It's something else. I'm not sure what there is for me in the days to come & there wasn't a lot for me in the days that have already gone by. I've had some friends, some pets & some diversions. But, there certainly are no mountains of things.
Not that I ever really wanted hoards of stuff. Especially, not after seeing all those television shows over hoarders. Yikes.
Still, if I passed today all I'd leave behind are some memories, debt & perhaps a bit of chaos due to unfinished things. Maybe that's all most people get to leave behind. I'm not sure it even matters to me.
All I ever really wanted was a place to feel a bit more secure in things. That probably isn't going to happen. I try not to think about these things. I try not to think about most things. It won't do me any good.
Some people might say, I'm depressed or just depressing. Maybe so, but I've just spent my life feeling like a leave floating on the water heading who knows where. I'm pretty disconnected with things, people & places. I'm not sure I'd want to be any different. It seems like people who are connected are always just getting hurt by those things.
If there is an afterlife, I guess my heaven would be different than some. It'd be a place where you rolled down the road listening to music, just travelling from place to place. You'd see concerts, eat good food, go to festivals & meet interesting people. Then you'd be on your way looking forward to the next adventure. No looking back, no regrets, no what-ifs. You'd accept those other people had their own paths & that you might or might not meet them again. Some kind of rambler's paradise.
Tomorrow is Thursday, It'll be the last of it's kind. Then Friday & Saturday. Sunday will be the 1st of it's kind of my new year. Somewhere in there is a Janus moment, facing both ways. So, I guess here's to a bunch more Wednesdays to come.
Cya...
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