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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

This Is It...

For a while now, my posts have been off.  Off canter, off focus, off topic, just lots & lots of off's.  My point is simple, welcome to the life of someone with HIV.  At least someone's life who didn't get medical attention nearly soon enough.  

Nowadays, they want you to get tested & diagnosed within 6 weeks of exposure & have treatment soon after.  I don't think the tests that were available when I was diagnosed could even test that early.  I was always told there was a window of up to 3 months.  I know very well I was way past both deadlines.

I was probably + for at least a few years, if not longer, before being diagnosed.  As I've said, I had a few false negatives even though I was ill.   My viral load was astronomical & my CD4 was non-existent.  Even after I was diagnosed, it was still well over a year before I was on steady treatment.

The effects are clear, some days, sometimes even weeks, I feel like shit.   I don't focus well.  I don't do much of anything well.  I'm tired & distracted.

Lately with the weather changes, financial issues & health stuff, I've been seriously off my game. I've mostly kept up with the day to day stuff, but that's about it.   The weather seems to be leveling out & it's making a difference.  Hopefully, some of the other crap will lay off for a bit & I can regain a bit more composure.

So, the posts haven't been what I'd like them to have been.  But, they were what I could do at the moment.  Sometimes moving from moment to moment is all I can pull off.  It's seriously annoying, but it's what I can do.  This is my life.  Some days, I function relatively well, others I'm lucky to get out of bed.

Such as it is, this is the life of + person in his 40's living in rural Oklahoma.  A person who's been diagnosed + for over 12 years & on at best, so-so to fair medical treatment.  This is it.

Cya...

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