The Shoe Drops...

This article talks about the reaction to Gilead's announced price point on the new 1-A-Day HIV med.  Wait for it, Da da DA!!!  Stribild soon saelling for only $28,500 annually. There's no way federally funded programs like ADAP can withstand such a price.  Especially when this company is impart responsible for other regimens like Atripla & a Truvada cocktail, that work nearly as well for much, much less.

Gilead has knocked the price point up in an attempt to amass revenue before facing an onslaught by generics in the coming years.  Gilead tried to appease people by allowing some of their formulas to be used for generic production in low-income countries.  I'm so sick of that.  This is an American company, it'd be nice  if an American firm actually gave Americans the best price. 

Add to that, most + people in the world share some traits.  They are often ethnic, poor, alienated & marginalized.  With that said, I don't see how any one, any where, is more deserving of a good price on HIV meds than any one else. The HIV rates in the Southern USA are astounding & a huge number of those people live in utter poverty.

I hope the federal programs refuse to cover this 4-in-1 & sticks to other regimens.  Gilead is trying to squeeze blood from a turnip here.  It's pharma companies like this one, that make people distrust all of them.  BTW, Gilead, if you do amass your great revenue via this drug, I hope you choke on it.

Cya...

Monsters...

You can read about it just about anywhere.  Google it & you'll find a ton articles on people for whatever reason have purposely infected others.  I'm not going to talk about laws today.  What I want to deal with is why these people do it.  You hear a lot about people not telling their partners their HIV status.  Then you get the people like dentists, acupuncturists & other professionals that purposely infect people.  I know the dentist in the Denver area may have not had the direct intent of infecting people.   However, he purposely choose to reuse syringes & other equipment for whatever reason.  That means he made a choice & that choice led to someone else being exposed to HIV.  Therefore, I consider it purposeful.

Some people say that it's not like they murdered anyone, HIV is a manageable disease.  Yes, it is manageable.  However, it comes with stigma & a lot of other issues.  HIV comes with compromised health.  It's expensive.  It can be debilitating.  In the end, it can still kill you.  These people who purposely infect others may not have shot their victims in the head.  But they still executed the lives these people had before becoming HIV +.  Being +, changes everything.  To those people who say it doesn't, I call absolute Bullshit!

IMO, these people who purposely infect others, should simply be shot.  Don't waste $ on an expensive round, a well placed .22 shot will do the job nicely.  I guess my Oklahoma is showing.  But these people are monsters.  They are indulgent, destructive creatures who forfeit their right to life the moment they purposely infect someone else.  

To this day, I wonder if I infected anyone.  If so, how many?  It took a long time for my tests to finally come back +.   Since that day, I haven't engaged in or even considered engaging in sexual activity with any one else.  I will not be the one to knowingly infect someone that way.  Sex, is a blast & I had a lot of it, but it's not worth risking someone else's life over.  

I know I haven't really addressed the why of the matter & to be honest, I just don't care why they do it.  They do it & that's all I need to know.  There's no justification for purposely infecting some with this illness.  I'm sure they'll justify it with their greed, curiosity, bigotry or some other self-absorbed reason.  It doesn't matter, these people are horrible & shouldn't be allowed near anyone else ever again.

Cya...

Fingers Crossed...

OK, it's Wednesday, which somehow has become hell-day for me over the past several weeks.  I'm almost afraid to write about it, I don't want to jinx it.  However, so far, so good.  There've been no fights with the internet provider.  Nothing seems to have broken.  There have been no necessary trips to make.  Most of the chores are taken care of & food for the day is planned out.  With any luck at all, maybe we can get through this day without any pitfalls.    Here's hoping...

Cya...

Morality...

I've got no problems with ethics, they're a necessary part of any profession, especially in the medical field.  What I've a problem with, is when people's morality gets in the way of treating illnesses or saving lives (of those people already alive).  

We'll stick with HIV here.  There have been so many moral abuses of those living with HIV & those trying to prevent the further spread of the illness.  The mere fact that HIV is so stigmatized is due to some people's heavy handed morality, with all their judging of how the other person contracted the virus.  Then there's the moralist's classification of any + person as being unclean.

Lets jump into condom usage.  We know without a doubt condoms are very successful at mitigating the spread of HIV.  However, the moralists will tell you anyone carrying condoms must be a slutty, unclean person who must be punished.  Even the police in many countries are citing the mere presence of condoms on a person as evidence the person is a prostitute.  This is happening in the USA & elsewhere.  Many cops are taking the condoms & destroying them.  The fact that having condoms can be used as evidence against you in the court is all the reason many "professionals" need to choose not to carry them at all.  These cops & officials should be charged for contributing to the spread of HIV.

Then there are the needle exchange programs.  The US Congress allowed federal $ to be spent on this in 2009, however it just recently reversed that decision.  This article discusses the huge impact needle exchange programs have had in reducing the number of new transmissions.   Now, with the reversal, many drug users will most likely return to sharing & reusing needles.  This will only add to the spread of the illness.

Those are just 3 points where moralist have made the idea of an AIDS-Free generation functionally impossible.  These people don't want this to end.  They want someone to point a finger at & shame.  These alleged "good" people want to feel better than someone else.  IMO, these moralists are evil, self-absorbed, greedy SOB's.  They would allow the spread of this virus just to make a point & to feel superior.  To all you "good people" out there, do me a favor, keep you damn morals to yourself.

Cya...

Goals...

I was never very good with goals.  Yes, I made it through a Ph.D. & I got my work in on time.  That's not the same as having goals.  For me the main goal, especially when I was still in college, was 1 thing, having a place to live.  College gave me a place to be & survive.  It was never really about the education for me.  I learned, but it was really just about existing.

The cat in the picture may have goals, but I'm pretty sure I don't.  I have short term goals, like make dinner & take a bath, but little n the way long term ones.  I'm exercising, but my goal is more of avoiding another medicine to take than a lifestyle choice.  I blog daily, but I often wonder where I'm going with it.

Some people say for better mental health, self-esteem & less stress you should have life goals.  Quite simply, I don't.  I have some hopes, but no real plans.  Hell, 12 years ago I thought I'd be dead by now.  I try not to get indulgent with the matter.  But when people talk about goals, all I can think of for myself is, "Why?"  Again, I'm not trying to be overly dramatic, but I don't really have any long term goals.  I push my way through the days, sometimes they whip by & others seem to drag on forever.  

To have goals, you need at least a modicum of control in your life.  I'm not sure enough control in my life anymore to really make any legitimate plans.  I choose to take my meds & I'm striving to avoid taking others.  I do the day-to-day tasks & try to enjoy what I can as it comes along.  But, I'm only partially in control of my health now.   I'm not in control of my income at all.  Please don't take this as trying to avoid responsibility.  I'm quite aware of the fact that I got myself here.  I suppose that helps some.

There are days when I am quite content where I'm at.  Then there are days that I resent knowing that this is it for me.  A lot of my life, I told myself, "Don't worry, it'll get better."  That wasn't true.  I knew it then & definitely do now.  In the past almost 2 decades since I left college, there have been a couple steps up, but  most often it's been a series of step leading further down.  To have goals, you need dreams.  I don't really have any of those left, at least not ones I can pitch to myself well enough to believe in.

Don't get me wrong, my life is not all that bad.  It could be far worse.  I have a good roomie, there are cats to tend to.  I'm fortunate enough to have a relatively good doctor.  I have a great mechanic when I need one.    My physical needs are met.  I just no longer have ambitions. Even if I could focus long enough to write a good novel, I couldn't get it published without facing consequences to my disability.   I'm almost afraid of getting too healthy, for fear they'll kick my off of it.  

I guess this is pseudo goal then, to find goals.  That sounds ridiculous.  Who knows, maybe I'll find something.

Cya...

Onward...

With the temperature dropping, my exercise routine is coming more in line with what it was in early July.   It's taking a while & I'm incorporating a few new exercises.  Let me tell you, getting back into sync helps in matters of feeling better as far as aches & pains go.  However, it's taking some adjusting for my digestive system to get back into the grove more physical exertion.  The extra movement is really helping things along in that department.

I read about people who exercise when they're stressed.  Hah!  I don't.  I won't exercise when I'm freaking out over something.  I don't want to associate this exertion with anything more uncomfortable than it already is.  Physical exertion does nothing for my stress levels.  It just leaves my tired & stressed.  I also don't exercise if I'm feeling physically ill.  Why not?

I'm not at my most fit & I need to focus on what I'm doing when I exercise.  The last thing I need is to lose focus & fall.  I don't want to be exercising & be thinking, "Hurry up, we have to go to the bathroom, like NOW!"  I realize my exercise routine may be tiring & sometimes make me sore.  But, I want the experience to be as pleasant as possible.  I'll never be among those people who loves to exercise.  I just won't.  At the same time, I don't want to dread the experience either.

This my exercise routine & it'll be done at my discretion via whatever methods I choose.  I'll do my best to stick with it & push for results.  I won't make my self miserable though.  I will not let this dominate my life.  I want to exercise to have a more healthy life, not a more obsessive one.

Cya...

Much Better Day...

So far, so good today.  The weather is nice & everything seems to be sailing along just fine.  It may seem like I talk about how good/bad my day has been a lot.  There's a reason for that.  1st, my day was either good or bad & I wanted/needed to comment on it.  Next, Google "HIV & stress".  You're going to find a ton of relevant, professional articles talking about the effects of stress on a person's health, especially someone with HIV.  Stress can ratchet up every bad thing in your life & diminish your resources & defenses.  

For the past few days, the stress level was high & life was aggravating.  However, today is running smooth & at least for the moment everyone has stopped being an ass.  I feel better.  I slept better.  I'm not anxious.  So, I'm acknowledging that I'm having a better day & that I know it's better for my health when I have these days.

Here's hoping everyone else is having a great day.

Cya...

Time To Tie A Knot & Swing...

The last few days have not been the best in my life.  Have you ever heard the phrase, "I'm at the end of my rope & you're tugging on it?"   I have & after this week, I certainly know what it means.  Forget about that last gay nerve, it was frazzled a long time ago.  

Sometimes we find ourselves in these positions & no matter how obvious it seems that we really don't need any more crap, someone always seems to be there with another truckload of it.  There comes a time when you have to tell everyone to STFU & F'ing leave me the hell alone.  Mind you, this is long past all the polite attempts you've already made to correct the situation.  But, some people can't take a damn hint even if it's driven home with a sledge hammer.

Right now, I'm trying to reclaim some of my rope & coil it for later.  It takes a while to do that sometimes.  So, for now, I think I'll just tie a knot in it & swing for a bit.  It may not be the most practical perspective, but it's all I've got left at the moment.  Maybe tomorrow there'll be more rope.  

Cya...

Food Security...

I've seen a lot of articles lately about HIV & food security, or the lack of it.  This article deals with the effects of food insecurity on those with HIV.  Before I read the article all I could think was, with no food I couldn't take half my meds.  Without taking those meds, my health would be threatened & the virus in my system could become resistant.

This was a study in San Francisco that focused on 347 poor people & of those they classified over 50% as being, "Food Insecure."  

Food security means someone is able to access good and healthy food at any time,” said Jean Cooper, director of programs for the Glide Foundation.

The consequences of being food insecure are serious enough for those not dealing with a chronic illness.  For people who are dependent of daily meds that require food, it can prove deadly.  These food insecure people were twice as likely to be hospitalized.  Besides the lack of nutrients & calories, there is the inability to take some meds.   Then there is the stress caused by knowing that you're food situation is dire.  This can bring on a host of mental & emotional issues.  

The option of assistance isn't all that easy either.  In SF, making just over $1,000 a month is enough to cut off most assistance programs.  In most of urban California, rent, even on an efficiency apartment, can past that mark quickly.  So, if these people have a place to live, even a shack, they probably don't have enough $ to pay for food.  Just being on some assistance programs can disqualify you for getting aid from others.

Dealing with food security is going to have to be a factor in treating HIV.  People who aren't in a good frame of mind often make poor choices.  Without food, they may not be able to take their meds & this may cause viral resistance.  All in all, making sure people with HIV have enough food is good for the + people & public health in general.

Cya...

FUBAR.net

Short post today.  I'm too irritated to do much of anything due to my SNAFU internet company, Suddenlink.   They jacked around with my service all day & tried to make us take a converter box for non-digital cable & internet.  Then there was a matter of a changing price point.  Suddenlink people are incompetent at best & con-men at worse.

Cya...

Lyme & Not the Citrus Kind...

"Lyme Disease is now more common than HIV."   For those of you who don't know, Lyme is a disease caused by parasites transmitted via a tick bite.   Lyme & other tick transmitted illnesses can be found throughout the world.  Tick bites should be taken seriously.  If you do find a tick, don't panic, transmission of these illnesses usually takes hours.

In the short term, Lyme symptoms are similar to those of the flu.  However, left untreated, Lyme can be devastating.  Chronic Lyme is a matter of huge debate.  Having known of someone with the illness & how difficult it is to deal with, I have no doubt Chronic Lyme is very real.  Under Our Skin, is a 2008 documentary on the matter.  It's fairly shocking.  Under Our Skin also has a Facebook page.  The documentary can be found at Youtube & Netflix.  This is a pay item at You-Tube.  You-Tube also has a lot of other videos concerning Lyme & Chronic/Persistent Lyme Disease.  

If you live in a place that has ticks, you should be aware of the very real threat of Lyme & other tick-born illnesses.  The woman I'm aware of, has been dealing with the disease longer than I've had HIV & I think I'm in better shape.  No of my meds have required a PIC line.  I'm not trying to scare anyone, but I hope can be made aware of the threat & how to better avoid it.

Cya...

Learning From Mistakes...

This article talks about a woman who is now trying to educate others to avoid the mistakes she made that led to her becoming +.   She had to face the reality of the situation.  One of misinformation she held as her belief she was not at risk for HIV.  She was not gay, she was not promiscuous nor was she an IV drug user.  Regardless, at 26 she still found herself +.

She was infected by her boyfriend.  The article doesn't say how he became +, but it does describe some risk factors.  He was in possession of drugs & he was incarcerated. 

Since then she has been trying to help other women deal with the men in their lives.  Especially those men who have served time incarcerated.  She pushes for their self-esteem, so that these women are in a better place to make decisions for themselves.  She also pushes for them to have enough self-respect to demand respect from the men in their lives.  It's good article, go read it.

Cya...

Routine...

The U.S. Preventative Task Force, a national agency concerning public health, is expected to push for HIV testing to become as routine as cholesterol screenings.  This is a step away from previous decisions made by the panel.  Before they had left this up to physicians & suggested everyone be tested at least once in their lifetime.  Now, the trends & technologies have changed.   It's known that + people on regimens are less likely to spread the virus.  There are better testing methods.  In addition, there are better, more available meds.  

Still this will be costly.  But with the passage of the healthcare bill in the U.S., any preventative tests this panel recommends must be covered by insurers.  It'd seem that with more people being tested, there would be more production of the testing devices & the costs should go down over time.

There are the matters of $, stigma & cultural crap, but this may be the only viable way to getting HIV under control.  If people aren't tested, they may never know they're + & will continue to spread the virus.  There are too many people out there who erroneously feel they aren't at risk.  Routine testing is a must in order to confront HIV.

Cya...

The Stigma Project...

I recently came across this page on Facebook, The Stigma Project.  As the name would imply, they are striving to undo the stigma associated with HIV & those living with it.   Great, I've heard this before, but what I hadn't heard of was the concept of, "HIV Neutral."

HIV Neutral means: (Taken from The Stigma Project's Page)

​"HIV Neutral" is a state of mind, regardless of your status, in which you are informed and aware of the constantly evolving state of HIV/AIDS. Living a "neutral" lifestyle is being a visible advocate in the fight to end HIV and the stigma that strengthens it. It is putting emphasis on the humanity of all people and not casting judgement because of their status, positive or negative. It is standing up, speaking out and educating others.

​

Simply put, it is being able to make informed decisions about your social and sexual health. Because HIV is now classified as a chronic manageable condition, treatment is now focused on people living full and healthy lives.

​

To truly live "HIV Neutral," we must begin shifting towards a new way of thinking about HIV/AIDS.  Moving away from thoughts full of death and sadness and towards thoughts of life and hope for the future.

 I'm pretty sure I'll come back to this topic, for now, I think I just want to take it in a bit.  It's actually has quite an impact.  It's responsible, proactive & adaptive to the time.  This disease & how we handle has changed since we 1st became aware of it 30 years ago.

Don't think I'm saying living with a chronic illness is easy.  Please refer to my post of the Spoon Theory or Google the concept yourself.   Living with a chronic illness is more difficult than most people will ever understand.  However, it is still living.   Go check out their sites.

https://www.facebook.com/TheStigmaProject

http://www.thestigmaproject.org/

Cya...

Less Scattered...

This might not be a great post, but I'm more focused today.  Yesterday, our cable/internet company starting dicking with us again.   Suddenlink, you really, really, really suck!   The very 1st moment I have a realistic options in my  area to dump your service, you are so gone.

I utterly hate people screwing with my schedule & even more so despise it when they mess with my $.  I don't have a lot & I have to make it last.  So, the idiotic company decides to jump my cable bill some $30.  Apparently they started "renting" our modem to us, even though we'd bought the original.   Then last month they charged us for a converter box that was never installed.  It's supposed to be installed sometime next week.  Funny, I thought converter boxes were for actual cable, not the internet.  Guess, we'll see.

It wouldn't be so bad, if you didn't have to waste at least half an hour on them every time you call.  I've seriously been on the phone with these people over an hour on a couple of occasions.  The ridiculousness in their service department knows no bounds.  You don't start out with actual internet support techs.  If you're lucky you'll tech underlings, if not, you'll just get regular folks who don't know anything about anything.  The little techlings know about diddly.  The techs are usually fairly helpful.  By which I mean they are usually the 1st people to say, "I'm sorry, but there's an outage in your area."

To Suddenlink, the fact you can say, "Suddenlink, you're conencted" with a straight face just proves you're  greedy, evil little demonic creatures from some cyber hell.  The idea you want me to use your company for my security is beyond appalling, it's utterly laughable.  You can't keep my net up & running at the right speed & you actually think I'd let you handle my security needs.  HAHHAHAHHAHA!!!

OK, the rant's done for now. 

Cya...

BTW - I have no interest in corresponding with Suddenlink Ashley on this matter or any other Suddenlink drone.

Something To Deal With...

Things are colliding today & I need to think about them for a bit.  It always sucks when $ issues invade your train of thought.   I'm a little too scattered to focus well on blogging today.  Hopefully this will be resolved by tomorrow.  Until then, I hope you all have a great day.

Cya...

Appointment Done...Check...

I had my telemedicine appointment today.  Everything went pretty much as expected.  I had 2 things confirmed today.

1st, I am affected by White Coat Syndrome.  I've been taking my blood pressure for 6 months & it has fallen about 10 points on both readings.  Sometimes more.  My usually range is somewhere in the 120's over somewhere in the 70's.  Not super low, but not high either. Yet, let me get near a doctor's office & it goes up.  My BP today at the appointment was 142/82.  That's borderline, no cause for alert, but concern is warranted.    The thing is I'd just taken my BP an hour earlier & it read 117/74.  I took it about hour after I got home & it was 126/74.  It's clear, doctors' offices make me nervous.

2nd, after months of revving up my exercise routine & having it falter some last month, I'm starting to see results.    Maybe not huge ones, but hey I started out doing 5 minutes a day in February & worked my way up to 20 - 30 minutes daily now.  Since my last appointment 6 months ago, I've lost 20 lbs.  I'd like'd for it to have been more, but 20 is still good for me.  At this rate it might take me 3 years to lose the weight I want, but it's better than not losing it at all.  I'd rather lose it slowly & have a better chance of keeping it off than rush it & have it all yo-yo back.

To wrap things up.  I do have an aversion to doctors' appointments.  I have lost 20 pounds.  I'm free & clear of the specialist for several more months & my lab results were fine.  Woohoo for me.  Until tomorrow.

Cya...

Telemedicine Tomorrow...

Tomorrow's my next specialist appointment with the telemedicine bus.  I've got my lab results & just have to get a few other things together & I'll be ready. My labs aren't quite as good as they were last time, but my numbers vary & my levels are still undetectable.  

I know I've talked about Telemedicine before, but it truly has been a wondrous thing for me.  I drive less than a mile instead of 120.  I don't spend all that time or gas $.  I don't get exhausted from the long trip. My roomie can stay home & not have to go & keep me company on the way up & back.  The drive up to the doctor's office in Tulsa gave me time to get aggravated with the situation & more stressed over seeing the doctor.  I seriously did not need that.

Again, I am thankful for telemedicine.  We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Cya...

A Day Of Errands...

About forgot to post today.  This was a day of errand running & they actually turned out productive.  Most of our errand days end up being hit or miss.  The trip was fairly pleasant.  Not much to talk about today except for the nice weather.  The weather is staying cooler, we only made it into the low 90's F, which is amazing for Oklahoma in August.  The evenings have been cool enough to let me sleep pretty well which always helps me out.  Never underestimate the recuperative properties of a good night's sleep.  Speaking of which, I'll be heading that way soon.  I have a few things more to do before then.  Hope everyone is doing well.

Cya...

Also Starring...

Recently I talked about a hassle with my pharmacy.  They screwed up my order, repeatedly.  Even though I had enough meds on hand, this was still frustrating.  I am a Virgo!  Hear me scream for order & organization.   I agree with the Dyson vacuum man, "I just think things should work properly."  Placing a med order with a pharmacy should be no more difficult than ordering a pizza.

The issue here is I kept the matter centered on myself.   That wasn't the case.  I have a roommate who has lived with me throughout most of my being +.  She's known me longer.  My prior roommate, who'd been a college friend, said he'd be there.  Hah, right up to the moment he bailed.  That's not true, he was never there for me on the matter of my health.  That was always my current roomie.   The only thing my prior roommate did about my HIV status was use it for a source of drama when he talked to his friends.

My roomie has been here through it all.  From the days when I was so weak I could barely get off the couch, to running me to doctors appointments & emergency rooms, until now.  When this ordeal with the pharmacy occurred, it wasn't just me going through it, she was as well.   Most of us don't live in a vacuum.  We have people in our lives that our situations affect.   When she saw the problem with the pharmacy, most likely all she could was here we go again; back to the horrid health, the doctors, the hospitals, etc...  Unless you live entirely alone, remember it's not just you in the sick-boat.

Cya...

Weird Weather...

Not that I'm complaining, but August is the month of brown grass & blazing thermometers.   But my yard is needing mowed & the high for today is supposed to be in the low 90's.  I had to turn off a fan last night because I got a little chilly.  This isn't what August weather is usually like.

I've been sleeping better.  Actually, it's been a little hard to stay awake with the evenings as cool as they've been.  The cats are frolicking about, which BTW can get a little annoying.  At least they feel well enough to do it.  The best thing here is the sleep though.  When I sleep well, I feel tremendously better.   A good night's sleep replenishes you & takes the edge off the day.

I'm not sure how long this reprieve will last, but while it's here I intend to enjoy it.  Hope everyone else is doing well.

Cya....

So Far, Pretty Good...

Today's been a pretty good day.  I needed one.  The weather has cooled & the house isn't sweltering.  There's been no commotion of workers or pharmacy screw-ups.  What do I have planned for today?  Absolutely nothing & if I had have had anything planned for today, I would've cancelled it.  Yes, anything that might've needed done today would've been postponed so I could take in just 1 really pleasant day.  You need them every once in a while.  Days like these can replenish you physically & emotionally.

So, I'm not reading any articles that would just piss me off & I'm trying to avoid things that will just aggravate me.  I've got 2 fans on me right now & the way the air hits me it reminds me of being in a car travelling down the highway with the windows open.  I loved that as a kid.  The wind blasting through the car with the radio playing & everyone singing along.  Sad how the simple things go away sometimes.  Or if they stay they get damned expensive.  Funny, I'm sort of in a 1970's state of mind...

Cya...

OMG...WTF...REALLY....

Well, can you imagine after 15 days, my meds finally arrived.  I guess that's the OMG part.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy they got here.  But wait, there's more.  Order now & we'll screw with you 2 ways for the price of 1.  When I open my package to check my order, 1 of my meds is looking a bit odd. 

The Lamivudine had metamorphed from a small, diamond shaped pill to a scored caplet.  Finally, after 5 minutes talking to the pharmacy flunky, she finally deigns to forward me to an actual pharmacist.  He confirms the shapes have changed as well as the manufacturer.  The new company apparently didn't like the diamond shape.  At least I have the right meds, but they could've warned me about the change.  This was probably a mix of the WTF & Really.

This morning came the real, Really.  I'm getting around to run my roomie to Fort Smith.  When I looked out my window I saw the carpenter that was supposed to show up 2 weeks ago.  He finally decided to show his ass up on the day I have plans, of course.  Jerk.

I made it over to Fort Smith & back, the project seems to be about halfway done.  Hopefully they will be gone soon.  I've had enough drama & stupidity for a bit.  Hopefully everyone else's life is going more smoothly.

Cya...

Nothing Much, Just Waiting...

Most of the errands have been ran & the trash has been taken to the curb.  Exercise is done & the shower's been taken.  Other than cooking, I'm mostly done for the day.

Oh, with the exception of waiting for UPS to run & see if my meds actually show up this time.  It's now the 8th of August, I've been trying to get this order filled since the 24th of last month.  All the while the idiot brigade at my pharmacy keeps trying to show just how stupid they can be.  I wish there was a pharmacy nearby that could handle my HIV Rx's.

Maybe just this once I'll get lucky & things actually go as they're supposed to.  We'll see.  Have a great hump-day everyone.

Cya...

Complications...

As I've said before, I live in a small town.  There are half a dozen pharmacies nearby.  The problem here is that none of them carry my HIV meds.  My meds are expensive & most people in my area that need them have them delivered from out of state.  This is all fine & good until the pharmacy has a bad case of the idiots.

I am going through that now.  

• July 24 - Placed original order
• July 30 - Part of the order arrives
• July 30 - Pharmacy says they need more refills
• July 31 -  I am assured of next day delivery upon receipt of Rx
• August 1 - They have Rx, but it'll take 2 days to deliver
• August 3 - No delivery 
• August 4 - They can't find the Rx refill
• August 4 -  They find it & it will be there on the 7th
• August 6 - In the AM, I call & all is well
• August 6 - In the PM, they call & all is not well
• August 7 - I am assured they will arrive tomorrow.

I'm not holding my breath.  I'll believe it when I see it.  The crappy thing is that I don't have much recourse.  Hopefully, they'll be here.  We'll see.  I hate having an out of town pharmacy.

Cya...

If Not This, Than What...

I get the sentiment behind this idiom, but I don't entirely agree with it.  I get the idea of looking for other things to be your goal items when you reach achievements like weight loss, good grades, birthdays or  promotions.  However, my roomie & me have talked about this & what happens when all you have to give for rewards is food?

For a lot of people, due to $ matters or traditions, food is a serious reward.  Special dinners & desserts for birthdays & accomplishments.   As a kid, one of the things I looked forward to most at Christmas was my Grandma's fudge.  She was an excellent cook & on special occasions she'd fix lemon pies, chocolate eclairs,  Boston cream pies or the above mentioned fudge.    These things meant good times at her house.  It meant all was well & that no one had screwed up lately.

Some families had Sunday dinners.  My grandparents would always take us out for that meal every week to whatever sit-down restaurant suited their mood.  This one meal set the beginning & the ending of the week.  It was the time we got to set & be civil with each other.  

My roomie & I used to have lots of things we'd use for rewards.  We'd pack up & go to Tulsa for the weekend on a whim.  We'd just drive for hours.  There tons of movies we went to & book stores perused.  Unfortunately, none of that is possible anymore.  I don't have the health just to up & go places like I used to. We have cats & no one we trust to come feed them.  But most of all, with both of us on disability, we just don't have the $ anymore.  With the price of gas being outrageous driving aimlessly is out of the question.  Even a matinee is a serious expense these days.

So, while I get the sentiment of not rewarding one's self with food, when everything else is out of reach, then what the hell else is left?  A self congratulatory pat on the back?  Wasn't that just satisfying?  Not! Accomplishments & milestones should be recognized & celebrated/remembered.    If the only thing you have for a reward is food, then by all means have it.  Maybe it should just be a slice of the chocolate cake & not the whole cake though.  

It's very easy for people in good places, who don't have need of much, to be judgmental of those less fortunate.  

Cya...

Concessions...

I'm having to make a lot of adjustments in my life right now due to the heat.  It's not nearly as hot as last year when it was reaching 115 F.  Today is only supposed to get to the low 100's.  One thing is worse this year.  When it was hell on Earth hot here, there little to no humidity, usually well under 20%.  This summer, the humidity is staying typical for Oklahoma, at least the mid 40 %'s & double that at night.  

Walking into the kitchen in the morning is hell.  My bedroom was relatively cool & comfortable.  Then I went into the kitchen with fridge & freezer & hit a wet wall of heat.  This morning it was sickening hot.  It was just at 80 outside but with no AC running all night, the kitchen was well into the high 90's & humid.  I have to open the doors & turn on every fan, before I can handle being in there 1st thing in the morning.

I don't like making concessions, but they're having to be made with when & how much I exercise.  What & how I cook.  Where we park the car.  When we go out to run errands. Etc...  Being really hot & dry is better than being hot & wet.  Oh well. we're into August & Summer is nearly half way over. 

Cya...

Cutlery & Other Measures...

Yesterday, my roomie sent me a link to an essay entitled, The Spoon Theory.  This was written by Christine Miserandino who suffers from Lupus.   While I don't have Lupus, we share many of the same issues.  Please read this & if you are chronically ill or have someone in your life that is.

It would be great if just every once in a while I could get a day where I didn't have to be +.  Not to be + for 1 day.  No drugs to take, no crappy health & all the energy I had before HIV.  That would be a miracle.  That isn't going to happen.  I am + & will remain so.  I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life.

Some people who look at me wouldn't know I was ill.  But my body tells me I am.  My labs tell me. The call from my pharmacy reminds me.  The doctors appointments remind me.  The constant health issues I deal with & the lack of energy force me to recognize on a daily & hourly basis that I am +.

If you aren't chronically ill, you just can't get it.  Even with Miserandino's essay you just can't.  The essay can help you to empathize, but not understand.  If you can't understand then you can't really sympathize with the situation.  I can feel shock, horror & even sorry for a person suffering from massive, 3rd degree burns, but I can't sympathize with them.  I've had a couple bad burns here & there, but nothing on those levels & nothing big.  So, I can feel empathy for their situation but I can't sympathize.

Chronically ill people are targets of the healthy on a daily basis.  The healthy don't get it, they can't see it, so they don't believe it's real.  They accuse us of being lazy or manipulative.  They point fingers & act superior. It isn't until one of them has to deal with it themselves or in someone close to them, they start to get it.  Then they act all apologetic.  I, for one, don't want your apologies.  I just wanted you to leave me be on the matter.   So, next time you see someone park in the handicap spot who doesn't fit your bill of needing it, stop  for a moment.  You don't know them.  You don't know their health situation.  You aren't capable of just looking a person & divining their health.  Hell, if we could do that, none of us would +.

Cya..

OMG.. Head Bonk Moment...

It's like those V-8 commercials when the person bonks their head.  I bought my roomie some Greek yogurt today & was not pleased by the price of it.  I thought I'd read something about this kind of yogurt being easy to make, so I read up on it. 

My family used to make it's own cottage cheese & other similar cheeses, they also churned butter.  I figured making Greek yogurt had to be easier than churning butter.  When I wiki'ed it, the page was redirected to strained yogurt.  That's right, not Greek, but strained.  The Greek variety is just strained through a cheesecloth to remove about half the liquid.  This concentrates it & virtually halves the bad stuff & doubles the good stuff.

I would've like to have come across this tidbit of info earlier  made use of it. Oh well, I've got it now & can now buy regular yogurt & strain it.  I'll save a lot of $ that way.  Better late than never.   Just goes to show, you can always learn something about things you thought you knew well.

Cya...

Momentary Reprieve...

We're supposed get pretty hot today, so I was surprised when it was my normal noonish, exercise time that we were still under 95 F.  It didn't stay that way long, but it did allow me to actually do my 2nd set of outdoor steps today.  It's been so hot lately that I haven't been able to do the 2nd outside set in over a week.  I had to drop the later set over 3 weeks ago & adjust for more indoor routines.

The heat is really doing a number on my exercise routine.  Even, when I'm inside I can still tell it's hot & muggy.  Both of which make it hard for me to exercise.  Correction, they make it hard for me to breathe when I exercise.

So, I'm thankful that it was cool enough today to do the 2nd set.  Probably won't be tomorrow, but that's then.  

Cya...

Here & There... This & That...

Short post.  Too much going on today.  Had several errands in the hellish heat via the car whose air conditioner is about to give up the ghost.  The trip was more successful than our last trip over to Fort Smith for stuff.   There were also calls to be made & so that corrections could be made on messed up med orders. 

Anyhow, it's horribly hot & heinously humid.  I'm sure if I try hard enough I can come up with more H-word descriptors.  Oh yes, it was hazy from the heat.  It had horrendous traffic & the overall experience was quite harried.  Until tomorrow.

Cya...