Apologies...

Lately I've been talking to a lot of people about someone apologizing to them.  I almost despise apologies.  It seems to me that most apologies aren't sincere.  They're means to make the offender look less offensive or to make the offender feel as if they've wiped the slate clean.  "Well, I apologized, isn't that enough for you?"  Some times it isn't enough. 

Just because you apologize does not undo the situation.  Especially not if the offender turns around & does the same thing a day or two later only to look at the offended with a cheesy smile & snidely say they're sorry.  Apologies without remorse or intent not to repeat the action are bogus & worthless.

Some people come to you with their apologies like they're giving you the greatest gift that has ever been given.  This is common among twelve-steppers. With these people, the apology is about them, just like the action they took that required the apology was about them.  When the apology is about the person who did the offense it is again worthless.

Even if the person is repentant & sincere, that doesn't mean that you have to accept their apology.  Some things are beyond a simple, "I'm sorry".  You may not be in a place in your life where are ready or capable of accepting that apology.  Not all apologies have to be accepted.  If you accept an apology just to get out of awkward situation, then you're only cheapening the situation for yourself.  It may only take one person to offend the other, but apologies require participation on behalf of the offender(s) & offendee(s).

I can't tell you whether or not  you should accept an apology.  Every situation is different.  You're on your own for that decision.  But if it doesn't feel right, then tell the person, I do not accept your apology or that I can not at this time accept your apology.   If they get mad, then the apology wasn't real anyway.  If the apology was genuine then they'll understand that you are simply not ready.

The best bet is not to do or say anything you'll need to apologize for or if you do, then rectify the situation as quickly as possible.

Cya