As a kid, I had pretty simple wants. My home life was bad at the best of times, horrible most days & could work its way up to disastrous. All I really wanted was a place to be happy & not feel threatened. I wanted to feel safe & secure. Most of my life, I've been in various levels of anxiety.
I've done some depressing posts on this blog. This isn't 1 of those, even though some will take it as such. I've talked about how if some things were removed from my life circumstances would improve. I still believe that.
Don't construe that for me believing these things or their absence will make me happier. I don't believe that at all. I just know that there is only so much I can deal with at any given time.
More to the point, I don't believe the presence of things or people will make me more or less happy, because I don't really believe in happiness. I think happiness is a concept people made up as a goal for their lives. Like how the lovers go off happily ever after in fairy tales. Its not real.
I believe in happy moments, but they're fleeting. I believe in taking joy in those things that make you smile or lift your spirits. But I don't believe in happiness as a state of being for any length of time.
I don't believe in security much either. Apparently that's just another dream people struggle to realize. Most never really finding it. All the while making themselves feel like crap for not achieving it.
This is life. Life isn't about being safe, secure & happy. There might be moments of those things & they should be relished. But, if you're in a state of continued bliss, I question your sobriety, honesty &/or sanity. If you feel secure, be thankful, it could end at any moment.
Life is a struggle. It most often sucks & isn't fair. Embrace the moments when you can, Some people don't get a lot of them.
Cya...
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