Come this January 3rd, I will have been diagnosed with HIV for 16 years. I'd probably been living with it for at least a couple of years before that. I was summarily informed that my life expectancy would be no more than 5 years. For at least the 1st year or more of those 5, I was just struggling to get on disability, get meds, get a doctor who'd actually treat me & mainly just to eat & walk. I wasn't making any long range plans. I thought I'd be dead.
I lost contact with a lot of people I used to know. I've since found out that a lot of them have died from various causes. I find that really ironic. I was the person with the death sentence & they were the people dying. Besides my roomie, I'm solo now. Its not what I wanted, but its what is. I'm not even sure how to fix it.
There's talk about SSI disability going broke next year. If it does, I won't have anything. Its not like I can get a job. Even if I was healthy enough, when people found out I was +, they'd refuse to hire me or fire me as quick as they could.
So, where will I be in 10 years? I have no idea. What will I be doing? I don't know. This was never the life I wanted, but its what I have. I'm just not sure what to do with it anymore. Blogging used to help more. It hasn't been as therapeutic lately as it used to be. Now, I'm heading into my my downtime of the year, Fall. Oh joy.
I know this is depressing, but its my life with HIV & that's all I promised to write about. I've accomplished very little since 2000. I may have helped a few people & animals here or there, but I've done little to help myself. Maybe there wasn't anything I could've done. Maybe that's just being evasive.
Cya....
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