Good Bye June...

It's the last of June.  This month has been odd for me.  I'm not sure why.  I've been disconnected from it.   Towards the end, the heat amped up.  I hope that isn't a sign for the remainder of Summer.  Goodbye June.  Thanks for not being difficult.  I really didn't need that.  Until next year.

This article is novel.  It's about a video game designed to

 educate on safe sex for gay & bisexual men.  It's an interesting read.  At least it's a different idea.

The local cats are going away again.  I don't know what that means exactly.  I don't know if they're just hiding during the day.  I'm not seeing them.  They could've moved on or got hurt.  The remaining cats are mostly feral & not really open to interaction.  I can only do so much for them.  A little food & water is usually on my porch. I wish them the best.

Cya...

More Rising News...

This article details how HIV is on the rise in Florida & the younger people are seemingly disinterested or at least unconcerned.   So many of the advancements that had been made in the fight against HIV have been lost due to the complacency of current generations.   They no longer view HIV/AIDS as a death sentence & have relegated it as just another chronic illness.  The presence of modern medications has left them arrogant & ignorant.  More are being pronounced + & those meds have to come from somewhere.  They have to be paid for by some means.   

HIV was going down.  That is no longer the case.  I don't blame this just on politics.  I also blame corporate greed for making HIV appear as something easy to live with in your life.  I also blame the laissez faire attitudes of the current generations towards HIV.   I guess they need their own AIDS horror stories to get the point.  I just want them to remember that the people of the 80s & 90s did their part.  This isn't our mess.

Cya...

Hot 1...

We didn't hit 100F yesterday, but we were in the upper 90's.  The hottest day so far & last night was very humid.  The whole time the AC was running water was pouring out of it.  The yard liked that.  

Heat can take everything you've got.  It can just leave you like a used & hung up wet towel.  Hopefully, you'll dry soon & not mildew.  No promises on that though.

Today's supposed to be about the same.  Be careful out there.   Heat can get to you quick.

Cya...

National HIV Testing Day...

It's National HIV Testing Day.   At https://www.hiv.gov/ , you can find a site locator for your area.  Knowing your status is the most important thing you can do to stay healthy.  Go get tested.

Cya...

Not Much...

Nothing much in the articles.  Just clones over meds I've discussed before & someone else being charged with purposely infecting others.  Oh joy.

The cooler weather is gone.  Summer has stuck its hot, sticky head back up.   But, hey it's only June.  By August, people will really be complaining.   We needed all the rain. For about a minute, the yard was flooded about ankle-deep.  Then the yard bubled & drank it down.  Either, it was near bone dry or there's a sinkhole under us.  

My problem with Summer  is motivation.  Once it's hot, I have a hard time deciding to do much of anything.   Whatever I'm going to do, has to be done early or it probably won't get done.  Even eating's a commitment during the Summer, but I could stand to lose weight.

Until tomorrow, try to stay cool.

Cya..

Stopped, I Think...

By mid month, I was convinced we weren't going to meet our rain totals.  Only upside, the lawn may have died off earlier.   No guarantee in that though.  The only  thing that's certain, is when we don't meet our rain averages in the early Summer, it tends to be a really hot season.    No promises, it won't be hot if we do get our rain, but a near certainty if we don't.  

By the 20th we weren't halfway to our average of 4".    In the last 3 days we've had almost 4".  The entire month's worth.  We're now setting at nearly 6" for the month & we could still get a little in the remainder of the month.  It might not stop a hot July & August, but it lessened the chances of that & grass fires.   Too bad it was also good for the fleas, giant water roaches & fire ants. It seems like we have a 1,000 mockingbirds & none of them are eating those bugs.  

Rain, we've had it.  We might also have flooding in some lower areas.  Be careful in low areas when it rains.  You have no idea what's actually in that water.

Cya..

PS - Last night was probably the last night of the season that I will have turned off my fan because it got too chilly while I was sleeping.

Weather Threat Net?...

We're having storms & I've already lost the net once.  I'm writing this just in case it goes down again.  I saw an article pushing OraQuick as the best at home, DIY HIV test.   The article wasn't long enough to really sell their results & they may've had incentive to choose that brand.  IDK.    Still, I suppose it's a good starting point.  Better than nothing.  I'll try this again tomorrow.

Cya..

Article & Yard Stuff...

This article talks about a surge of HIV in the Fresno area.   People aren't communicating well enough to prevent the spread of  HIV.  In this area, the surge is mostly in younger people, teens to twenties.   Even where there is some education on the matter, it's still lacking.  There needs to be a lot more talking about HIV.  This needs to be done in a way so these kids feel involved & potentially at risk.  HIV needs to be brought down to earth, to their home & demystified.  So these people understand this virus could be sitting right next to them & what they can do to protect themselves.

On to yard stuff.  I've seen fire in the sky at night.  The lightning bugs came back 1st.  A couple of days ago, I saw a large, black dragon buzz the porch.  This morning, I was happy to see my 1st hummer of the season.  At this moment, thanks to the clover, shrubs & lilies, there are splashes of white, orange & pink across the yard.    Birds are busy this morning.  Yesterday's mowing & last night's rain have made a feast for them.

Welcome back beautiful fliers, join the butterflies, bees & moths.   I've missed the Hummers, Dragons & Lightning.  It may be silly to some, but they make me smile.  I need that.

Cya..

Small Town BS...

My area has no special services for HIV.  No local access to Ryan White, RAIN or anything else.   If you're + & living in rural areas, you're mostly on your own.    You're lucky if people are just not serving you.  Some will hate you & go out of their way to cause you problems.

If my area did have any of these programs, I wouldn't have any hope for them.  They be like every other service program here.  A place for local, "power" people to show their faces & make believe they were decent people.   All the while crippling the program & denigrating those who the services were meant to help.  Every little town has some Faulkneresque blood & is just a gin & tonic away from being the next Peyton Place.

This article tells of a Ryan White program in Tennessee  dealing with the actions of a local do-gooder tyrant.  They gave her a bit of power & she thought she was god.   I bet it was just a joy going to that office for services.  If what's said about this person is true, I wish nothing but horrid things on her.

In a small town, sometimes not having things like these is a blessing.  If you had them, you'd have to use them.  If you did that, you'd have to deal with all the pseudo elite of your area.  They'd give you hell while pretending they were the greatest people ever.  

There's very little better about living in a small town.  That's especially true if you're gay, +, poor, ethnic, female, etc...  Unless you're reasonably well-off & white, small towns can be pretty awful places.

Cya...

Hello Summer....

It's Summer.  According to meteorology, Summer started the beginning of June, but the Solstice is here.  Happy Litha or Midsummer.  Here's to sunny days, short nights & twilight dreams.  

So far, the season hasn't been a beast.   But, it's just getting started.   I hope it stays relatively pleasant.  I could use an easier season.  I don't need stress or sickness.  

Today's schedule will be a little off.  I'm trying to start a little early, so I don't feel rushed early on.   Rushing always annoys me & leaves me anxious.

Have a good day & enjoy the Solstice.

CYa...

Rain ...

Woke up to rain.  By the time I was around, we'd already had almost .5".  It's supposed to rain all day.  We could see up to an inch.   We need it.  I'm amazed I haven't heard more about fires around here already this Summer.

It seems no one has been in the best headspace lately.  The news is always awful, unless you're a monster or a republican.   I used to capitalize things like republican president.  You're supposed by the rules of the language.  But, by capitalizing those words, it implies a certain level of respect.  I have none left for those concepts.  For now, they stay lower case.  

I really hate I live in a world where unless you enjoy celebrating horrors & atrocities, hearing the news is like been part of parade of pure wretched, vileness.  We should never cheer screaming, orange monsters. 

I'm going to set here, drink my tea, watch the rain & listen to some music.

Cya...

Snippet Ire...

If you've read my blog, you'll know that consistently finding good info on HIV & its current state of affairs can be difficult.  Ever since the last presidential election, those articles have become more scarce.  

An old problem is becoming more common, snippets.  These things aren't even briefs or abstracts.  Those are at least supposed to synapse an article well enough for you to know if you wish to proceed.  These are at most 2 - 3 sentences.  On top of that, the main article is usually behind a paywall.   You're expected to pay for this article, mostly unseen, with just a suggestion of what it is.  It could be great, rubbage or just click-bait. 

The world has started to hoard information again.  By making knowledge about HIV or other diseases pay-only, you're limiting people's ability to understand the issue(s) & how to stay safe/healthy.

I'll never pay for a snippet.  If I can find away around the paywall, I might.  But these people won't get a cent out of me for info about a disease that affects the public.  I'm not expecting corporate secrets, but info on such  social matters & health affairs shouldn't be held for ransom.

Cya...

Judgy Much...

We live in a time of constant judgement on everyone for nearly everything.  If you make a statement or take an action, someone/group will be all over you like you're a cartoon villain being ran out of town.    It doesn't matter what you did, didn't do or meant.  It only matters that it wasn't what this individual or group demanded.  

To hell with them.  It's like Ricky Nelson said in Garden Party. 

...it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.  You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself...

 I know it's hard.  Especially when there's some much stigma about everything out there.  But no matter what you do, you're going to offend or be offensive to somebody.  At the end of the day, you're the only person you can count on.  Be kind to yourself.  Be honest with yourself.   Be safe.  Don't hide who you are, but you aren't required to share your story with anyone you don't want to.  You don't owe them you.

Let them call you whatever; a fag, a terf, a fascist, a socialist, a bigot, a misandrist, an unamerican idiot, etc..  I won't say it doesn't matter, but it doesn't define you.  At the end of the road, you're the only who has to live your life & deal with the fallout of being you.

Cya... 

Mid June Morning...

Nothing much is going on this morning.  I didn't notice any articles of interest.  The weather is pleasant so far.  I'm sure will take issue with it.  I put out a little water tin yesterday with some rocks in it.  Maybe the smaller birds & insects will more comfortable using it instead of the bowl I put out for the larger animals.

Nothing else here.  Maybe more tomorrow.

Cya...

Cat Love/Hate Triangle...

AC was again yesterday & the cats love it.  They will back their butts up to it.   It's like a 90's rap video.   They both want to claim this thing.  It's like somebody's hot (rather cool) boyfriend.  They'll be in the room together.  Both vying to be nearest to the AC.  They eventually go to sleep belly-up & content.  Until they realize they're near each other & are both enjoying the cool air.   Then the hissy faces come back.   

So, the AC is on.  It's making life more bearable.  The cats sit in a triangle of them & the AC, both loving the machine & wishing death on each other.  If not death, at least embarrassment & discomfort.

Cya...

June Heat...

I live in a poor household.  2 disabled people don't make much & have to watch the pennies.   Yesterday, it hit 95 F or higher & was humid.  It was unpleasant.   It was our 1st day of the season to turn on the AC.  

It was nice to have it back & the cats love it.  They hover around the AC.  But, we have to be careful with it.  The AC isn't cheap to run.  Summer is always a balancing act between living & affording.  I know others have it worse.  Not to be cruel or unkind.  But, there's nothing I can do about their situation.  I can barely handle mine.

Take care & stay cool.

Cya...

Still Recooping & Passing Cats......

The 1st notable Summer yuck has struck.  The stress of the Suddenlink situation, the heat, the annoyance of going  out a lot.  I've also been spraying for fleas a lot.  That stuff nearly kills me no matter how I handle it.  Hopefully, by this weekend I'll feel more life myself.

We found out during the net outage the porch cat, Hazel, had died.  She'd apparently been hit by a car.   These people drive like idiots.   We tried to get Hazel to be an indoor cat.  She'd obviously been inside before.  She knew her way around. But, I think something bad had happened to her in a house.  She was never comfortable inside more than a few minutes.  Then she was at the door ready to go.  We'll miss you Hazel.  We definitely thought of you as ours.  May your next life be as bountiful & loving as any could ever be.  You deserve it. Good Journeys.

This week has sucked.

Cya...

PS. - Please be kind to strays.  You too could wind up a stray someday.  They don't need  a lot, just some food, water & love.  Do what you can.  Thank you.

30 Hours...

I'm doing this post while I can.  I've been without internet since 4:15 PM yesterday.  It's been out over 30 hours.  SUDDENLINK SUCKS SO BADLY!!!   We've begun the search for a replacement company.  I'm not sure what happened.  Suddenlink hasn't spoken on the phone since yesterday.  They just kept giving an automated message & then hanging up.  RUDE!!!  I'm too pissed to focus on much at the moment.  Maybe tomorrow.

Cya...

Power Blips & Condoms...

This will be short.  We're having some slight rain which is giving our electricity fits.  We've had several power blips this morning.  I'll do this as fast & brief as possible.

There's been a lot of suggestion about the impact of PrEP usage & the fall of condom  use.  There haven't been any major studies that I've seen yet.  I wonder why?  Might it hurt PrEP sales? No matter what these pharma companies want to tell you, their drug doesn't do anything for any other STI's or pregnancy.   In fact we're seeing a rise in drug resistant forms of other STI's.  Is it related to PrEP?  It could be, but the manufacturers would never want you  to think that.  It could hurt sales.  Eventually this research will be done.  It'll probably come too late, but whose fault will that be?

Cya...

3 Things...

1st, this article talks about how closeted men are more apt to spread HIV than others.   I've seen this a lot articles lately.  These men often consider themselves straight but still engage in M/M sex.   They aren't open & rarely engage in sex with openly gay men.  They have small pools of partners. If 1 gets infected, the whole group soon will.  Wow, the 1980s are alive & well.

2nd, this hits close to home.  Actually, I used to live in Tahlequah.  According to this piece, the Cherokee Nation hospital has had it's own incidence of medical negligence & HIV scare.  200 patients have been told they need to be tested due a nurse's "mistake".  How often am I going to have to write about these instances?

Finally, on a good note, the yard is getting colorful again.  The wild rose blooms are gone, but the tiger lilies & rose of sharon are blooming.  Soon the crepes will be.  That means the dragons & hummers will be here soon.  We've had a ton of wasp &  a horsefly.   I've seen quite a few lightning bugs at night.  Summer is here folks.

Cya...

Sayings...

There are a lot of sayings people like to throw around.  When you're gay or +, they are specific sayings like, "It gets better."   I hate that.   It sounds like at some random point in a person's future a magic wand will be waved & all be better.  That never happens.  Life only gets better through a person's efforts & often not even through that.

For the past few weeks I've seen a variation of a saying floating around.  It's something about your past & not letting it make you bitter or controlling you.  Even as well intended as that statement is meant to be, it's still BS.  

Only a person who's never endured a really crappy past would say that.  Anyone who has had a horrible past could only let go of it with extreme guidance, assistance & emotional support. Still, there will always be moments of that dark past creeping in on them.   It's their past.  It's the DNA of their self.   That past shaped & molded them for better or worse.  That is how they're "hard-wired".  

I get what they mean with the statement about your past.  You should try to move past it.  But, in truth, you never really do.  You have to find a way to come to terms with as much as possible.  Notice, I didn't say make peace with it.  Many of our pasts are way beyond diplomacy.   That was your life.  It is your base.  It will always affect you & how you approach life.  Don't be ashamed of it.  Try not to hate it.  Just try to let it have its space in your past as you strive to move forward.

Cya...

Falling Stars...

When I was a kid, I escaped into music, TV & films.  I could let go & relax.  For a bit, I could forget about the crapstorm that was my life.  

Then I started noticing things.  I heard people talking about stars or seeing things on covers of scandal rags.   That star lost everything to drugs, that poor woman became a recluse, she overdosed, he shot himself, etc...

My escape into sweet nothingness, relief & adventure had been poisoned by something insidious, reality.   My eyes had been opened to the fact the people on the screen were real & they had lives with very real problems.  Obstacles, many of them would never overcome.   

I had seen behind the curtain & started really looking.  I wish I hadn't.  Because all I found surrounding these people that supplied my escape was misery & confusion.  These people's lives were no better than mine, some were drastically worse.  My retreat had been invaded & mostly squashed by life.   No wonder so many people are addicts.

There was a saying at the time that I took to heart.  "I'm dancing as fast as I can."   I've felt that way most of my life & my feet have never moved quickly enough.  The saying came from a movie & a book.  I didn't see the movie for a long time, but I instantly understood the sentiment.  The character was a maintaining addict trying to get by.  I was a kid trying to survive.  I don't think either of us did very well at our perspective pursuits.

This article is about suicide.  Since 2000, our suicide rate has gone up over 30% in the USA.   The article goes into causal factors; economics, isolation, lack of aid, etc...   People are seeing death as a better option than life & little is being done to help them see other possibilities.  

In the past decade we've had a rash of famous deaths, some accidental overdoses, others outright suicides.    The reasons were the person's & theirs alone.  Stop trying to figure them out. Stop judging them.  Stop looking at them as people with these awesome lives who have everything.  That's not how suicide works.  That may have nothing with what helped them choose to exit this life. Look at them, try to learn.  Be thankful for the memories & let them finally be at peace.  They were dancing as fast as they could for a very long time.  They were exhausted.

Cya..

Not Much Friday...

Not much planned today.   It rained some yesterday.   It didn't give us much precipitation, but it did cool things down.   There weren't many articles this morning.    Just this piece, about some creep from Arkansas who intentionally got HIV just so he could infect others.  He was busted on meth when they found out about chid porn & his intent to spread the virus.   Another entitled ass who wanted to hurt people for whatever stupid reason.  

Seriously people, protect yourselves.  There are assholes out there who want to harm you.  Use condoms.

Cya..

Post Appointment...

Yesterday's appointment went well, nothing new.  There's a bit of an insurance issue lurking with my doctor's office.  I'm not entirely sure of the details or how it might wind up affecting me.  There's the potential for me losing my primary care physician, but there's also the possibility nothing will change.  They just don't know yet.  

I hope I don't lose my PCP.  I've been with him since that disaster of a doctor who nearly killed me with Combivir.  I wound up in the hospital over that.  There's always a chance for improvement through change.  That's seldom the case for me.  It usually goes down hill for me, like with my dentist office.

They probably won't know much until this Fall.  More waiting.  Maybe they'll figure it all out & nothing will notably change.  That so would not be my luck.

Cya...

Rushed Morning Appointment....

I have a doctor's appointment this morning.  It's a pay now or pay later situation.  I can either get up early (at least for me) or I can wait & see him later.  If I go early I usually have a much shorter wait time.  If I go later I could be waiting for over an hour & have to hear kids.  I'll deal with getting up early over the wait & shrill sounds of children.   This should be just a regular check in with my primary care.

Cya...

Long Term Survivor Day....

This article is about some of the issues being a long term HIV survivor.  It's a worthwhile read.  I like that they stress all these journeys are different.

June 5th, is HIV Long Term Survivor Day.  Being in this groups may be the hardest thing about HIV.  It affects every part of your life, especially social.  Personal contact something most long termers say they've lost & miss.  

Other than my roomie, IRL, I don't have any contact on a consistent basis.  If it weren't for that, dealing with HIV wouldn't be worth it.   There's no point for a lot of these people to fight HIV & just face being alone.  Either of those is a lot, but both, well that just wouldn't be worth the fight.

For those out there not +; get tested, get educated, use a condom.  Be as safe as possible.  You're the only person that's going to keep you alive.

Cya...

It Feels Like The 90's...

When I started this blog, if I went online & searched the term HIV, especially if I crossed it with current news, I got some great articles.  For the last couple of years, that search has had a very different outcome.  Now, I don't see all the leading treatments, social/educational events & cutting edge technological developments.  No, now, I find results that make me think I've done an internet search in the 1990's.   Very basic things like...

• What is HIV/AIDS
• What causes the virus
• Am I going to die from this
• How do I find out if I have HIV 

Most of these search hits are about very basic information regarding the illness.  They talk about fear, ignorance & stigma.  They talk about being denied rights for being  a person living with HIV.  These articles are about topics that should've been handled 20 years ago.  Hell, 2 decades ago, they were mostly handled. 

We've slid so far back in our handling of the virus, it's like deja vu.  Sure, the meds are better, but little else is.  Outrage & anger are aimed at + people from all levels of society.  I've seen articles discussing how it's possible that  half of all Gay, Black men may very shortly be +, due to such a fear being outed, that they'd rather risk being HIV+.

Most of the ground, my generation & that before me fought to gain is gone.  I don't think these people have the strength left to do it again.  They did the work.  It's not their fault, others threw it away.

Cya...

Whew...

June has spread it's sucky wings to spread some misery.   Yesterday wasn't super hot, but with the excessive humidity, it was pretty hellish.  There were supposed to thunderstorms all afternoon, but they never showed.  It just got hot, thick, dreary & awful.  It was hard to do much of anything.   

The loathsome air soup is stirring up things.  It's June, therefore Pride Month.   Nearly every post I've seen on Pride so far has been divisive, demeaning, insulting & combative.   This wasn't the point of Pride.  This event was to be bring people together & strengthen the community, not smash it to bits.  I've left a lot of the social groups I was in over this.  Maybe in a while, I'll look back & see if they've changed any.  If they haven't, I find others eventually.

The weather has also affected the animals.   The cats look dead.  The birds are quiet.  The only beasts that are active or those of a more hellish nature; fleas, wasps & my mow-junkie neighbor.   This morning was the 1st morning I had to use the flea spray.  I hate that stuff.  It works, but it almost kills me as well.  The wasp round-up has been ongoing for a couple of weeks. Look up & there's another wasp in the house.    At least they fly better than junebugs or we'd all be dead.

Cya...

June Suckage...

I posted yesterday before we went out.  If I'd waited, it would've been a different post.  I started with a little yard work, nothing big.  It was a little tiring, but not horrible.

The problems started when we went to pay utility bills.  There was a line.  Half of them were in worse physical shape than me.  The others were asshats intent on  making the matter worse.  It wasn't the people running the place's fault the service was slow yesterday morning.  Being a difficult, crapfest didn't make go any faster or better for anyone.  

We got to Walmart.  It was amazingly busy.  Old people, gadflies & obnoxious children.  My Walmart doesn't get the crazy dressed Walmartians. It gets the, "I'm more important than God," asshats.  They're spoiled, indulgent, bratty shits who think they're only people at the store.  They don't know how to shop well & think Walmart is watering hole for social events & gossip.

My feet were so swollen afterwards.  They hurt pretty seriously.  It was difficult to walk for the rest of the day.  My feet cracked more & they're still somewhat sore this morning.   On top of all that, it got really hot & humid.

I'm hoping the 1st of June wasn't an omen of things to come.   It might be though.  I woke just before 7 this morning to what sounded like angry wasps in my room.  There were no wasps.  It was my mow-junkie neighbor weed-eating.  I hate this woman.  Too bad her house hasn't sold yet.  She needs to be elsewhere soon.

Cya...

Hello June & Other Things....

June is here & it looks to be much warmer than May.  That  sucks.  The 1st day of the month is going to be a bit busy & then beginning of next week will be as well.   There's bills & I have a doctor's  appointment with my primary care, standard visit.

I did a walk around the yard.  There were some weeds that needed sprayed/clipped.  Amazingly, I didn't see any fire ant mounds.  They'll be back.   They never die off that easily.  I did it this morning before we went shopping because we're supposed to get hotter than I can probably handle doing outside stuff for a bit.

We've got to get.  Shopping & bills call.  More tomorrow.

Cya...

PS - This article is an update on the ongoing efforts to transplant organs from + to  + people.