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Thursday, January 3, 2013

Maybe Not Upward...

But definitely onward, such is life.  As a life form our only choice, until the day we no longer have choices, is to go on.  Sometimes we find ourselves in places where we're not sure that moving onward is what we want.  We may not want anything at all, but standing still really is an option for long.  If we don't continue on, we  fall behind, until there is nothing left of us.

When I was younger I dealt with the temporary nature of things better & I think it's something I need to wrap my head around again for my own sake.  Where I live, my health, the animals in my life, as callous as it might sound, they're are all temporary things & at some point they won't be in my life.   I used to move constantly, at least annually, if not more often.  I remember thinking it wasn't a life to always be on the move.  But the fact of the matter is simple, I may not have had roots, but I was far more fortunate.  

Once you stay somewhere for a while, you get used to it like an old pair of shoes.  You nest & settle.  You tone down your wanderlust & accept the more mundane.  You tell yourself this is the better way & for a while it might even be so.  But at some point the urge to move will hit & you'll start to notice all the little things about life that bother you in your new permanent home. 

I've talked about the book/movie Up In The Air,  before.  I could've lived this man's life & been perfectly happy.  He only felt some remorse when others led him to believe he should want something else.  Something more like their sedentary life.  People should move, explore & grow, not settle in & grow roots & moss like some old tree. 

I miss travelling.  Unfortunately, as expensive as gas is these days & being on a fixed income, travel is a luxury I really just can't afford.   But I do miss it.  I miss sailing down the road, not really sure where I'd wind up.  Who would I meet?  Would it be a fun place?  Would there be good entertainment?   Good food?  Nice People?  If I have a regret, it's not that I'm HIV +, it's that I stopped moving.

Cya...

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