Blood...

Had an early start this morning.  I had to go get labs drawn.  I try to go as early as possible.  I refuse to go after 9 AM, it's just too busy past that.  Between that & some errand running, I'm a little tired this afternoon. My hot shower didn't help any on that point.  

It'll be at least a week before I can the results.  Then I'll have to take them with me to see my specialist.  Hopefully, my numbers are good, but I'm not going to be surprised if they're a little off.  This Winter has been rough on me both physically & due to stress.  If there's been a bug in the area, my roomie, myself or both of us have caught it.  

Oh well, here's hoping for good numbers.  This stuff always stresses me out somewhat.  I hate the waiting & not knowing.   Then again, I'm just not fond of going to the doctor.

Cya...

Nothing Close...

I live in small town Oklahoma.  We're failry rural & there aren't a lot of opportunities for much of anything other than churches & hole-in-the-wall beer bars.  My HIV specialist is 120+ miles away & my pharmacy is in Pennsylvania.  If we want to do anything we have to go to Fort Smith, AR almost 40 miles away.

For me the problem is beyond simple recreational purposes, it's how it impacts my health.  Before telemedicine, I had to make a 2 hour, 1 way drive to Tulsa, 4 times a year.  Quite frankly, the drive wasn't easy on me.  I don't have a nearby pharmacy that even carries my meds, so they have to be mailed to me.  Normally this is fine, but sometimes they screw up & it's damned difficult to deal with.  

While out on an errand this morning, my roomie picked up a brochure for HOPE (Health Outreach Prevention Education, Inc.)  They're a non-profit organization handling HIV/Hep C prevention, education & health promotion.  They listed several places you could go for testing & the like.  The only problem is they're all in Tulsa, 2 hours away.

We have a health department that can run a HIV test, but I think it's the type that still takes a week to get a reply.    Even then, there won't be any counseling or treatment available if you're +.  I went there & they offered me next to nothing.  I tried going through a place in Tulsa that made it sound like they were going to be able to get me everything under the sun.  The touted healthcare, dental, meds, counseling, even assistance with housing & bills.  

The reality of the situation is that if you are homeless or about to be, they might be able to get you a month of rent.  If you live in Tulsa & have transportation, they offer some counseling.  Everything else are services offered by the state.  As for the healthcare, you pretty much have to be on Medicaid or have Ryan White accept you.  Even then you still have to have transportation.  Dental is mostly for minors or only available in extreme circumstances for those people in Tulsa & there was a huge waiting list.

The only thing I got from my encounter with the agency was an application for ADAP.  Which I had to deal with myself.  I had to deal with it every 3 - 6 months & it was all on me.  If not for my roomie, I wouldn't have been able to handle it back then.  It was up to me to seek out treatment, it was up to me to deal with ADAP, & to file for SSI.  

Basically, if you live in rural Oklahoma, you're on your own.  Things haven't changed at all.  

Cya...

AIDS.GOV...

Many of you probably already know about Aids.gov or even Blog.Aids.gov.   I'm sure Pinterest.com is know by most.  Now, AIDS.gov has started their own Pinterest page.   

There's not much to it yet, but I"m sure it'll develop more over time.  Some government agencies are already using Pinterest.  I think they're trying to foster a sense of involvement.

Who's knows this could lead to a better sense of information sharing.  We'll see.

Cya...

Needed Break...

Things have gone a little sideways for us at the moment.  I it's not doing either of us any good to stay inside today.  We've opted to good out for a while & maybe catch a movie.  I know escapism isn't the best way to handle your problems, but sometimes you just need a break.  There are times when you just need a distraction to let your mind be at ease for a bit.  It won't solve the problem, but it might let you be better equipped to deal with whatever crap has entered your life.

My mother was a master of avoidance.  If her alcohol didn't drive off the troubles of the day, then surely a new location would.   We moved a lot.  It never really helped, because her problems weren't with the place we'd been, her problems were with herself.  Still, the idea of just starting over from time to time is really tempting.   A new life, a new place, a new name.  Too bad it's nothing but a temporary fix.

Maybe, I can't just up & move, but I can go to the theater & let my mind roam for a while.  It may not be much, but right now, it's the best I can do.  

Cya...

PS... Did I mention it's so warm today my roomie has a fan on?  This weather is being a trip. It's 76 F here in January, a month into Winter.  I really hope Summer isn't hell.

OMG!!! WTF!!! This Is Stupid!!!

I'm back & this article I just read pissed me off.  Please read it.   The gist is there are some incredibly stupid people out there actively seeking to become HIV +.  The article list several reasons these people cited for being "Bug Chasers" & hosting bug-chasing parties.  IMO, every reason given was absolute BS!!!  They consider the people willing to pass on the virus, "Gift Givers."  Now, that's load of bull for you.

There are those people out there who try to play safe & get infected.  I can have sympathy for them.  There are people who are just to stupid or lazy not to catch the virus.  Those people need to be slapped, but at least it wasn't on purpose.  Then there are these ass-hats who purposely got themselves infected.  Again, IMO, just shoot them.  

The attitude is appalling.  Now, they'll have to be provided for & eventually looked after.  If they couldn't be bothered not to get infected, then I seriously doubt they'll stick to a regimen.  They'll probably see it as a great honor to give someone else the, "Gift."

Read the article, but I warn you this article is about stupid people.

Cya...

No So Good...

I apologize, but my household got some unpleasant (crappy) news today &  I really don't know enough to even discuss it at this time.  I'm not in the right frame of mind to write about it or anything else for that matter.  I'll try tomorrow.

Cya...

Cooling Down...

That applies to the weather as well.  But, I was mainly talking about myself.  Yesterday, the weirdness with my pharmacy left me more than a little frazzled.  I'm still not entirely sure if its fixed & I won't be until my order shows up next Friday.  I really hope this mess is worked out.  I seriously don't need to be worrying about my meds.

At least there was something good yesterday.  We tried a new-to-us place.  We picked up a couple of pizzas from Papa Murphy's.  I have to say they were better than anything else I can get in my area & beat the other places' prices as well.    Tried a standby, pepperoni & a store special, chicken parm.  I liked both but I don't really think the chicken added anything to the specialty pizza.  We'll probably try a vegetable pizza next time.

I'm doing my best to look at the good the day had to offer over the craptastic phone encounter with my pharmacy.

Cya...

Not Again...

I'm not sure where the mess up happened this time, but it did.  I called to place my refill order for my meds today.  The pharmacy person told me that my meds had been changed.   I am on 4 meds & have been for quite some time.  I don't want anyone messing with them until we absolutely have to.   I call & all but 1 of my meds has been cancelled.  They were replaced by Combivir, which has Retrovir.  I am allergic to Retrovir, it put me in the hospital.  I got a little frantic & started making calls.  The pharmacy said my doctor's nurse changed it & she said she didn't.  In the end, I didn't really care who messed up, just fix it & don't screw with my drugs man!

Stress, I don't need it, especially from something like this.  More tomorrow.

Cya...

Just A Comment...

My roomie & I have been dealing with a lot of things lately.  One of those is our ongoing endeavor to exercise & lose weight.  It's been a regular part of life since last February.  Things we've noted.

1st, you have to admit how & why you got there to begin with.  Did you just over eat?  Was there a reason for the over eating?  Do you have a medical issue?  Is it some combination of things?  Regardless, this answer is vastly important for you succeeding in your goal.

When you've figured out how you got to the point that you feel the need to lose weight, you've got a surprise coming.  There are literally 100's of websites, books & opinions on how to lose weight.  Guess what?  You're going have to try a lot of them until you figure out what works for you.  1 singular point of importance here, nobody else gets to be the authority of your body or weight loss.  How much you cut back on calories or food types is up to you.   Your body will tell you how much exercise it can handle.  Listen to it, even if it isn't very much in the beginning.  If you keep at it, you'll become stronger & more endurant. 

Finally, weight loss is weird.  It doesn't come off like it went on.  My weight went on fairly evenly.   It isn't coming off that way.  My legs & arms are slimming fairly quickly.  My chest & upper legs are starting to catch up.  However, the upper thighs, rear & gut are liking watching some odd ice cube melt.  At least it is coming off slowly.

Often we get ourselves into the messes strewn through our lives.  It's up to us to clean them up.  Sure you can get advice, but you're who's going to have to do the work.

Cya...

Deadspace...

This article is an interesting take on lessening exposure to HIV for IV drug users.  It's quite simple actually, the less deadspace a syringe has, the less it can hold, therefore the less HIV virus can be in the container.  Deadspace is the amount of fluid retained in the syringed when it is fulled plunged.  

Basically, this is limiting the amount of backwash.  The larger syringes have 40X or more deadspace than smaller ones like those used by diabetics.  That means the larger syringes up your odds 40X, due to sheer volume of exposure.

This won't prevent transmission of the virus, but it might limit it due to amount of exposure.  You're still playing Russian Roulette, but your forcing the bullets through a smaller nozzle.

I'm not sure what I think of this one, but it is a novel take on the matter.

Cya...

1 Month In...

We're a full month into Winter & it looks like this season could turn out to be ridiculously warm.   We've been warm, not as warm as last year, but we've been just as dry, if not more so.  This isn't a good thing.  It means the bugs will be back with a vengeance this Spring & that this Summer could be hellish.

My area is still in a severe to advanced state of drought according to the weather service.  We've had fire warnings more often than naught this season.  What we've had in abundance is warm, southerly winds.

I may not like the cold, but it's easier & cheaper to deal with than the heat.  This won't be easy on any of the animals health if we don't get a more serious Winter than this.  I'm not wanting some sub-zero blizzard here, but we do need good days of freezing cold & precipitation.  

The problem with the weather right now is the jumping from below freezing back to balmy weather.  It's been giving me sinus issues for quite a while now & my cats aren't doing any better.  January used to be seriously cold in Oklahoma, now it's more like late Fall.  Maybe, it cool down in February.

Cya...

Sunday...

This is the 3rd Sunday of 2013 & t's been a fairly decent day.  The year's gotten off to a rough start for my roomie & me.   Last week was no fun at all health wise, but I seem to be doing better.  It's fairly warm here today & will probably make it into the 60's F.  Exercise is returning to normal & so are most of my daily activities.

By the end of the month, I'll have to go get blood drawn again.  I have an appointment with my specialist via Telemedicine mid-February.  I'm hoping my numbers aren't off, but as ill as I've stayed the last bit, they might be.

Winter isn't an easy season for me.  It's mainly the low light levels.  When there is enough light, it's that blinding Winter light.  Most the time it's just gray.  I'll be glad when my early morning light is back & I'm waking up easier in the mornings.  I know, I'm never happy with the weather.

Hopefully, the rest of the week will stay on the same track as today.

Cya...

Literacy...

I'm not talking about being able to read.  I'm referring to being culturally aware.  This article points out medical care provided to minority/ethnic patients from more culturally aware health providers has a greater level of success as opposed to those professionals who are of primarily mainstream culture.

From following their protocols & maintaining their regimen, the people who were treated by professionals that were more aware of the patients culture fared better than those treated by staff apparently unaware of the patient's background.    This shouldn't be any surprise.  Many times, we feel as if the world is trying to 1-size-fits-all us on a continuous basis.  This approach makes us feel overlooked & isolated.

We want to feel like an individual when we go to businesses, especially those providing medical care.  Being aware of these things, makes the patient feel as if the provider actually has some interest in their well being.  That helps them to become more self-involved with their own treatment.  No one wants to feel like just another notch on the wall.  

Besides the psychological, there are numerous cultural issues that may impact care.  These may range from cultural perceptions of the illness to available food stuffs.   HIV does not discriminate & the treatment of it can't either.  We have to be aware that what works for a 30 something, middle America, White man may not work for everyone else in the world.

Cya...

Optimum...

This article talks about the optimum time to start medical treatment after being diagnosed +.  The preferred time is within 4 months of diagnosis.  This time frame would limit the chance the patient  had of passing the virus on to others.  It would also better insure a stronger response for the immunity system.  

I know my diagnosis was quite late.  As I said before, I had been tested & nothing showed up for quite some time after my last sexual encounter, well over a year.  Considering there is a window in which HIV won't show on the tests available during the 90's, it's feasible that I could've been + for 2 - 3 years, perhaps even more.

The point here is that I may have infected someone else.  I used precautions, but seeing as that I'm +, it's obvious that they don't always work.  My viral load was well over 700,000 copies/ml.  I used to wonder why some people seemed to get better with the meds & I didn't.  

Mind you, I'm way better than I was in the early days, but I'm no where near normal.  There are people on these meds that lead fairly normal day-to-day lives, I don't.  My CD4 count has never been where the doctors have wanted it, even though my viral load is undetectable.  My immunity isn't as high as it should be. I tire quickly.  Diarrhea & gastrointestinal issues are near constants for me.  I tend to catch just about every little bug that goes by & I'm very sensitive to weather/atmospheric conditions.  

Maybe if I'd been diagnosed early & been on meds soon after, I might be in a better place healthwise.  As, I said, I'm much better off than I was in the beginning, when I mostly laid sleeping on the couch, feeling like I was freezing & unable to eat.  Add the sweats to that & it wasn't pleasant.  Hopefully, getting meds early will help other people live better lives.

Cya...

Not So Great...

The weather warmed up today & we nearly made it 60 F.  I was feeling better this morning.  I managed to do noon time exercises & went to take my shower. About half way through it, my neck started hurting & my head was pounding.  I must've strained my neck when I was doing crunches on the floor.   I've been doing them mostly on the exercise ball.  My form must've slipped, leaving me with using my neck more than my abs.  Either way, my neck is sore & it compounded my sinus issues.  Once the day warmed up, my sinuses were really acting up.  I hate this, because it messes with my balance & makes exercise on the ball a trip.  

The next several days are going to be warmer like today.  Hopefully, my head's used to it & all of this will level out.  I really need to get my schedule back in order.  But, seriously, it's January & it shouldn't be near the 60's here.

Cya...

On The Mend...Still....

Whatever hit us after our errands on Monday is still lingering a bit.  It's definitely over stayed it's welcome.  I woke up nauseous & had an irritable stomach.  Hopefully, this is on it's way out.  I think we've opted to pass on the Thai place.  Neither of us wants to risk feeling like this again.  

This hasn't been a pleasant Winter so far & we're not even a full month into it.   Isn't that awesome for us.  Other than the flu, I think the 2 of us have caught just about every little, annoying bug out there. Between that & sinuses, this has not been the fun. 

It's made exercising a real chore.  Being gassy & nauseous is not a good thing when you're trying to do crunches.   My heads been so stopped-up that my balance is off, so the exercise ball is a real trick.  So far this has been a colder Winter than last year, but not too bad.  Considering last year, other than 1 bout of ice, we barely had a Winter.

Here's hoping we're done with this mess soon.

Cya....

Tuesday & It's Cold...

Yesterday, while out running some errands, we decided to get something to eat.  This may have been my roomie's primary motivation for the trip in the 1st place.  We'd just found a new Thai place & their food was pretty good.  Especially considering, I don't think the the people who run it are Thai.  Most Asian restaurants of any kind in my area are Vietnamese.  While there are some killer Vietnamese places, their take on Chinese is seriously lacking.  We're pretty sure the Thai food was being filtered via a Vietnamese approach.

Still, it had been pretty good the 1st go around & I'm very fond of Pad Thai.  This time it wasn't quite as good, but my roomie loved her Lad Na.  I noticed the taste difference almost immediately, but didn't think much about it.  It could've been 2 different cooks.  

Later that night, the bad side of it kicked in.  It may or may not have been MSG.  I know some people don't think MSG does anything to you at all, but I think the case is open on that matter.  My roomie napped almost immediately after getting home.  I was very drowsy & went to bed early last night.    I woke up this morning, a little nauseous & spent a lot of time in the bathroom.  

It figures, we find a new place & it tries to do us in.  Hopefully, it was just a 1 time thing & not the normal for this restaurant.  Finding something around here besides glunky fake Chinese food is hard.  Still, neither of us feel all that great today.  Add to all of this, the cold has come back into our area.  

Cya...

Monday Again...

Not much going on this 2nd Monday of the new year.  We've had some errands to deal with morning & they didn't go as well as expected.  So were off again this afternoon to see if we can get what we were after.  The post will be short, because I need to get around & get some stuff taken care of before we go.  I hope everyone is doing well.

Cya...

Fatally Stupid...

This article is discussing how the Department of Veteran Affairs is looking into the possibility that over 700 people may have been exposed to HIV & Hepatitis.  It happened in the Buffalo VA Medical Center.  The problem was a STUPID one!!!  They reused insulin pens on a different patients.  

Yes, insulin pins are intended for repeated use, but on the same individual.  It's a real possibility bodily fluids could've become trapped in the device.  You don't share needles, end of story.

The VA states they believe the chance for transmission of HIV or Hepatitis via this manner is low.  Who cares about low?  It should've been no chance at all, because those devices should never have been shared between patients.

These people running this place are supposed to be well trained medical personnel.  Apparently, I have a different definition of well trained.  Hopefully, none of these patients develops any ailments from this gigantic act of stupidity.

Cya...

Your Beliefs VS My Health...

I don't care who you are, your beliefs should not be allowed to affect my health.  This article discusses how hospitals are cracking down on health workers who refuse to get their flu vaccinations.  There have been a number of firings of people working these fields who have refused the vaccine.  The reasons they've cited have included:

• Allergy to the vaccine
• Religious/Ideological issues
• Skepticism over the vaccine's efficacy

Let's start with the allergy issue.  If you are truly allergic to the vaccine, I honestly doubt the hospital administration would fire you.  They wouldn't want to get sued or be found liable for anything that happened to you.  

As for the issues of beliefs.  If you don't like what goes on in the medical world or it somehow offends your delicate sensibilities, then get the hell out.  I should not be unduly exposed to an illness because your beliefs have left you vulnerable.

As for skepticism over the vaccine's effectiveness.  Are you a medical researcher?  Can you be in any way certain the vaccine doesn't work?  Are you an immunologist?  Most likely the answer to all of those is, "No." I find most people in this category to be of the same vein as doomsday preppers & zealots.

I agree with the ethicist cited in the article.  An individual's rights are trumped by their obligation to protect their patients from harm.  Think of it this way, you have a situation involving many people whose immune systems are comprised, be they +, elderly, cancer patients, etc...  Now an individual decides that he/she is above it all & shouldn't be required to get a flu shot.  That decision puts every 1 of those people at risk for contracting the flu.  An illness that can & does kill.   If any of those people died from that exposure, the person refusing the vaccine would be at fault.

To wrap this up.  If you can't bring yourself to get a flu shot, then stay the hell away from the sick people.  Individuals may have their reasons for not getting the vaccine, but once they become healthcare workers, their option not to be inoculated, should go out the window.  

Cya...

Literature...

I don't normally talk about literature of the dramatic type here.   This article is about a memoir of a man whose father died of AIDS.  More importantly it centers on the questions that surrounded his perception of his father's illness.  It looks like a good read.

I can only attest to my own issues & experience with HIV.  I can't imagine having to walk through this illness with someone close to you, especially at the time this memoir is set.  It's easy to forget the people on the sidelines; family members, friends, caretakers & the like.

HIV is a disease that affects us like few others.  The virus itself can be devastating & deadly, but the stigma & ignorance surrounding AIDS can be significantly worse.  Fear, ignorance, confusion, hatred, misinformation, uncertainty, lies, shame are all good ways to describe the emotions surrounding the early years of HIV.

I may have to look for this book.   Maybe I can actually get myself to read it.

Cya...

Snake Oil...

This article is about a man that as far as I'm concerned should be shot.  He posed as a doctor claiming to cure HIV & cancer.  Of course he couldn't.  He wasn't even a physician.  He was a con whose tricks lead to someone's death.

People get desperate & when they get into that frame of mind they look for the impossible.  Unfortunately, there's always someone there to sell it to them.  The distraught are easy marks for these hustlers.  They prey of these people's fears, insecurities & absolute certainty that there has to be something that can be done.

What really pisses me is that after all of this, if convicted, this man could face at most 5 years.  Take the bastard out in the field & fill him full of buckshot.  I know these people have to accept some responsibility in the matter as well.  They should've gone to a real doctor.  They should've realized that if a cure existed, it would've been plastered all over every media outlet.  But these people are scared out of their minds & this SOB preyed on that.  If he gets out, I hope he experiences an "accident" or 2.

Let's go over this 1 last time.  At this time, there is no known cure for HIV.  The tiniest steps forward in the fight against HIV are flashed across the media almost instantly.  When there is a cure, you won't have to look for some back road physician of foreign dictator to get it.  It will be there.  It might be the most outrageously expensive thing in the world, but it will be out in the open.

Cya...

Back To The Dentist...

What's wrong with the car is still a mystery.  It's a nasty, gloomy, drear-fest of a day out there.  So of course, I have a dentist appointment some 30 miles away.  The van hates when it's wet outside.  It likes to pull tricks with it's electrical system when it's drove wet.

Fortunately, I'm just going over for a cleaning & an annual looksy.  Hopefully, there won't be any surprises.  I count myself fortunate to have a dentist & a hygienist I like & work with well.  Dentistry is something a lot of people over look but it can be very detrimental to your health to do so.  If you aren't taking care of your oral health a large part of your regimen being left unattended.

Cya...

Drama...

Well, here comes the 1st dramas of 2013.  

• We still have an old cat that may fall over at any second.
• We are having some plumbing issues.
• Now, the little car decides it doesn't like fuel of some such BS.

Add to that, the weather is supposed to be in 60's F today & possibly up to the 70's by Friday.  It's been cold & now this mess is making my head fell like it's in a vise.  Stress & sinuses, not a good combination.   These weather fluctuations are being a serious pain on my well being & rest.  Even though I'm sleeping through the night I feel stiff, tired & dehydrated in the mornings.   Hopefully, some of these things will work themselves out soon.

Cya...

Another Monday...

Today is the 1st Monday of 2013.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing, a bad thing  or not even a thing at all. It was just another Monday for us here.  We had shopping to do & there some things that need doing later in the day.  On Wednesday I have a dental appointment for a cleaning.   

This year is starting off slowly for articles & the such.   Later this month I'll need to get blood drawn for an appointment with my specialist in February.   As often as I do this, you'd think I wouldn't care about doing it.  But, I do.I always get apprehensive about these days.  Will the lab screw up my tests again?  Will it be a pain to get my results back?  Will there be something wrong with my results?  

And they wonder why going to the doctor's office raises you blood pressure.  I really have about had my fill of stressors lately & would like it if they'd kindly take a break for a while.  Between sick animals, sick people & sucky plumbing, my nerves are a little frayed.   That's about it for now.

Cya...

Issues...

I'm a little off today.   My sinks have been gurgling.  A site online said it might be a clogged trap.  Sounds easy enough.  After all, there are just 2 twist tights holding the trap on to the rest of the piping.   Came off easy enough, no build up, so it wasn't that.  

The problem came next.  What comes off easy, doesn't necessarily go back on such little effort.  I put it back on several times & it gushed when the water ran.  I think I may have it back on now.  It leaked a little, but I added plumbers' tape & it still leaked a little.  So, I siliconed the outside a bit.  Hopefully that will stop it.  I may have to call a plumber at some point.  

It leaked a little before & I still don't know why it's gurgling.  I think there's an air flow problem.  I hate plumbing.    This has stressed me out & I've had it for a bit.  I can't test my patch job until the silicone dries.  Here's hoping.

Cya...

Post Holiday...

I'm very glad that everything is finally getting back into the post holiday groove of things.  I'm fairly tired of having to adjust everything because of them.  It's seems like everything goes on the fritz this time of year.  When things get mailed.  Why some of my periodicals get published.  When my shows air.  

Don't get me wrong, I hope everyone had a great holiday season, but can we get back to normal already.  Yes, my inner Scrooge & Grinch are showing I know.  But enough already.  I just get past the Winter holidays & they're already throwing Valentines & Easter at me when I go to the store.  Sheesh, let me catch my breath already.

Enough holiday ranting.

Cya...

A Slow One...

Just had some shopping to do this morning.  We'd contemplated getting some maintenance done on the little car, but then we remembered this is the last day before school reopens & the mechanic will probably be filled with last minute people.  We can wait until next week when all the kiddies are back in school.

I didn't see any articles of interest today, but at least I got some walking in while shopping.  Going to Walmart can turn into a weird relay race of back & forth.  They keep moving crap around.   What should take me 15 minutes often winds up eating half an hour.

Things are starting to get back to normal.  I'm getting more exercise in during the day.  My schedules are more stable.  I'm coming to terms with us being a 3 indoor-cat, household again.  I'm not sure the cats are though yet.  Personally, I'm glad today's going to be a slow 1.

Cya...

13 & 2...

I'm doing a 2nd post today, because 13 years ago on this day I was diagnosed with HIV.  I'm 46, but I'm also 13.  I've live 13 years with this illness.  Technically it's been longer, I just didn't know what was wrong with me.  For over 28% of my life I've been +.  I won't say it's been all fun times, but it hasn't been all bad either.  You learn a lot of truths about your life & those in it when you're +.  Some of them you probably didn't want to know, but you don't get a lot choices in these matters.

Today is also the 2nd anniversary of this blog.  I've continued posting for 2 how years.I was surprised about that last year, but not this time.  I can & will keep doing this.  I will record my life & takes on things even if it's just for my own sake.  Here's looking forward to year 3.

Cya...

Maybe Not Upward...

But definitely onward, such is life.  As a life form our only choice, until the day we no longer have choices, is to go on.  Sometimes we find ourselves in places where we're not sure that moving onward is what we want.  We may not want anything at all, but standing still really is an option for long.  If we don't continue on, we  fall behind, until there is nothing left of us.

When I was younger I dealt with the temporary nature of things better & I think it's something I need to wrap my head around again for my own sake.  Where I live, my health, the animals in my life, as callous as it might sound, they're are all temporary things & at some point they won't be in my life.   I used to move constantly, at least annually, if not more often.  I remember thinking it wasn't a life to always be on the move.  But the fact of the matter is simple, I may not have had roots, but I was far more fortunate.  

Once you stay somewhere for a while, you get used to it like an old pair of shoes.  You nest & settle.  You tone down your wanderlust & accept the more mundane.  You tell yourself this is the better way & for a while it might even be so.  But at some point the urge to move will hit & you'll start to notice all the little things about life that bother you in your new permanent home. 

I've talked about the book/movie Up In The Air,  before.  I could've lived this man's life & been perfectly happy.  He only felt some remorse when others led him to believe he should want something else.  Something more like their sedentary life.  People should move, explore & grow, not settle in & grow roots & moss like some old tree. 

I miss travelling.  Unfortunately, as expensive as gas is these days & being on a fixed income, travel is a luxury I really just can't afford.   But I do miss it.  I miss sailing down the road, not really sure where I'd wind up.  Who would I meet?  Would it be a fun place?  Would there be good entertainment?   Good food?  Nice People?  If I have a regret, it's not that I'm HIV +, it's that I stopped moving.

Cya...

Bittersweet...

I got a card in the mail today.  It came to the house addressed to me.  That's odd in itself.  Most of my mail goes to the box we rent.  I rarely if ever get cards & if I do its from places of business like the bank,  the dentist or eBay.  I just assumed it was a new tactic of someone wanting me to borrow $ from 1 of the zillion little loan shark companies in my area.

I was wrong, it was from the Vet.  It was a condolence card showing their sympathy for the passing of Alice.  I hit a couple of things right off.  1st, I was thankful to be remembered in this way.  I was also a bit put off because I really didn't want to deal with this matter today.  Here it was again, front & center.  Then it hit me.

Not only is the only way the people who work in their office can show their sympathy, they probably have to do it all the time.   While I know what happened with Alice being put down was for the best, the idea of doing that everyday, possibly several times a day would be more than I could handle.  

I can be fairly heartless when it comes to most people, but animals are different.  Animals don't ask for the messes people get them into.  Animals don't understand why some people are vicious, cruel or abandon them.   All most animals want from you is to be left alone.  For the domesticated types, they need us, because we made them dependent on us.  If I was wealthy & had the space, I'd probably have more animals than you could count, just so they could have a home.  Some people call their pets their kids, they're not.  Children can grow up & learn to take care of themselves, animals can't.  

I feel little out of sorts with myself for being upset about the card.  I do appreciate the sentiment towards me,  However, even more so, I appreciate the fact that someone else remembered Alice as well.  I hope whoever has her in the next life understands what a treasure they've been allowed to have for a while.  There's a quote I can't seem to find from a cartoon, that says,  "Life is a gift we can't keep forever."  I know this may seem a bit silly but here's the closing clip from that episode.  I guess it's fitting considering Alice was a cat & she had left this place for her next adventure.  I only hope she got enough from her time with us to be strong in whatever follows.

Cya...

Less Trips Perhaps....

This article talks about a new medication aimed at + people on a steady regimen who experience diarrhea for extended periods.  Since I've been on my meds,  I've dealt with a variety of gastrointestinal issues.  If I go more than a few days without a bout of diarrhea or the like, I'm doing damn good.  However, this med is aimed at people who have this issue for than a month at a time.  

Damn!  After a few days of diarrhea I'm depleted & nauseous.  Just the idea of a month long bout sickens me.  The company that's developing this med deals mostly with gastrointestinal diseases/issues.  I guess their the diarrhea experts.  Heavens knows that if your +, you've dealt with the issue.

This is the 1st article I've covered this year.  I'm trying to get back on track with things.  I managed to get through so morning stretches & midday exercise.  I'm aiming at later day exercise as well.  I can't do steps right now.  It's too cold & wet outside.  I have no interest in slipping & hurting myself or catching a cold.

I'm doing my best to let 2013 be it's own thing & leave the issues of 2012 in the past. I'm sure this year will find it's own ways to be irritating, but at least that will be in the here & now & not the past.  I hope all of you had a great New Year & that 2013 will bring you all need.

Cya...