Uhgg Mornings...

I'm not a morning person.  I've never done them well.  If I can get to sleep, I can let myself be free of things for a while.   Notice the "If" in that sentence.  But past the dawn, in the nerve wracking mornings, I have to face whatever's been left for me. 

Recently, my roomie had a scare about  a health issue in the house.  I won't say more, don't want to cause any dismay.  Turned out it was nothing.  But I get the fear.  All my life I've dreaded mornings. & what they could bring.  Mornings could make you face the reality of really awful things.  Most of the time those things were just aggravating & irritating.  But, sometimes, it was so much worse.

Every morning I wake & wonder what's waiting for me.  What's out there that's going to screw with my life.  I'm still groggy, I usually need to hit the bathroom & I'm trying to have tunnel vision until I get the necessities handled so I won't see whatever bad thing might be lurking.

The cats are prone to give issues.  They can break things, make demands or leave very unwanted presents.  But, I get he health scare.  I wake fairly often & wonder is everyone still here this morning.  I don't have any plans for the day when the answer to that question is, "no".   I understand my roomie's scare, I've had it often.  

I hate mornings.  Some people see them is bright, happy beginnings of new days.  I just see them as someone  pulling back the curtain on every crappy thing that happened during the night.

Cya...

Another Cooler Day...

It's cooler again & smells like rain.  It never really delivered yesterday.  According to the forecast, this is probably our last cool day for a while.  Too bad, our electric use this month was a lot higher than last year.   I think it mainly has to do with how humid it's been.

August is almost here & our schedules will be changing.  I'm never really a fan of change, but oh well.   Hopefully, August won't heat up too terribly.  I'd accept July being our hot month of the year.

Not much in the articles today.  Maybe tomorrow.I call it quits for now.

Cya...

Thundering...

It's drizzling outside & there's quite a bit thunder.  I'll be brief on this just in case we have power blips or net outages.   We did some shopping this morning & I swear Walmart is trying to force people to shop at other stores just to get all their groceries.   Walmart keeps reconfiguring their product placement & much remains out of stock.  This store is seriously annoying.

We're home & the skies are grey.  It's pleasantly cool for the moment.  Until tomorrow.

Cya...

Who Am I...

For a long time people have struggled with the meaning of life & who they really are.  We are constantly growing & changing.  Who we are is an evolving thing.  It isn't stagnant or at least it probably shouldn't be.   With every new experience, decision, interaction we alter & so does the path out lives will take.

• I live in rural Oklahoma
• I'm gay
• I'm HIV +
• I have a roommate

Those are just things that describe my life.  They aren't who I am.  So many people these days are  so into personal identity politics, I don't think they even know who or what they are.  They spout:

• I'm a political this or that
• I support this or that
• I hate this or that
• You should(n't) be doing this or that

I hear a lot of dogma & rhetoric but little else.  They've replaced being a person with being a billboard for ideological agendas.   I have little interest in your ideology.  But, I might find you fascinating.  I guess we;ll never know if  you keep up with this Depeche Modish policy of truth quest of yours.

Cya...

Sticky Day...

The temperature may only be in the low 90's but the humidity is awful.  It's sort of sprinkling outside.  Just enough to add to the misery.  The trash is on the curb & my morning is over.  I spent it at the doctor's office for my routine visit.  He also got in my blood work for my thyroid.  That saved me a trip in a couple of weeks.  I'm running behind a bit, so this is all for today.

Cya...

TasP & Other Problems...

I've never been a proponent of treatment as prevention (TasP) to fighting HIV.   This article about South Africa shows the deficiencies of  TasP.    It showed even in places where half the infected were being treated, the transmissions failed to decline.   How much of the population has to be treated before there's serious impact on transmission?   Because treating 100% is a pipe dream.

We've heard all sorts of things about condoms.  Putin's Russia is blaming them for the spread of the virus.  Just ludicrous.  We've seen before how police officers  use the presence of condoms as evidence against sex workers.  This article tells how this is the now the case in China.    Now, the sex workers are less apt to use condoms so they can more easily avoid arrest.  Way to go cops, you're now a vector in the spread of HIV.

The medical world praised TasP & PReP, but they're not the silver bullet.  There is no panacea for HIV.   Treatment must be accompanied by education, information, prevention, testing, condom usage & any other reasonable tool we can develop.   Sticking our head in the sand with Tasp & PReP won't work.  These 2 options are preferred because they make pharmaceutical companies billions & they're easier.  Cheap & easy has failed.  You're looking to fight HIV, not a quick hook-up off of Grindr.   

If you want results, do the work.

Cya..

Tethers Cut...

When we're growing up, we unconsciously tether ourselves to people, places, events, things, etc...  I grew up all over the place due to my parents' issues.  I tied myself to very few people & I'm still not good at that.   I bound myself down in hopes of not drifting away.  I do so with my pets, a few friends, mostly to places that provided solace & escape.

I had my music & movies, but mostly I had the mall, a theater, a skating rink, a swimming pool & an assortment of eateries.  In my late teens I had to leave these places, but it was alright, I knew they were still there.  The pizzarias, hamburger joints, ice cream shops  would all still be there for other kids.  The older teen handout clubs would let them hear new music as they tried not to fade away.  

But, 1 by 1, most of those places have closed, some of the buildings aren't even there anymore.  No more skating rink or drive-in.  The beautiful old theater shuttered.  The fruit stand I bought stuff at as a kids disappeared right along with downtown.  

Little by little we come unfettered.  Things you may not have thought about in years.  Then 1 day, you see they're gone &  bit of you sails off into yesteryear & you're a little less bright.  I guess 1 day we'll be sepia or in grey tones.

Even if you've kept mooring yourself to new places & people, you'll never really forget your 1st ice cream cone, time at the movies, plummeting down the roller coaster.   I'll never buy tickets to the Coleman Theater again,  I won't go to the Tastee-Freez  for another dip cone,  Hell, even Bell's Amusement Park is gone.  All of these are just memories. now.  

My roomie hit this recently with the announcement of Hastings closing down.  It was part of her younger life & now the doors are closing.  No more looking for comics, music or game books.   No more burning hours there.

I guess we just have to try to keep building new ties & moors.  Sometimes, that seems awfully hard to do.   I wish you well with your tethering.  At least, the pool where I swam as a kid is still there.

Cya...

Meh...

It's hot, but not quite enough to turn on the AC.  It may storm or might not, probably not.  It'll probably just lurk & make things sticky in the evening.    The weather can be such an ass sometimes.

It's hard to get motivated about anything in this weather.  I certainly don't feel like doing much.   It's supposed to cool down some this week.  Here's hoping. 

We're heading into the last week of July.  That means August will be here. August is usually our hell month.  Maybe this year it won't be.  Then again September hasn't been too pleasant over the last few years.

Stay cool.

Cya...

HIV & Violence...

I've posted a lot about marginalization & higher risks of contracting HIV.  There's little more disenfranchising than being an abused women in a society that cares little for anyone not fortunate enough to be born male.  I've read numerous articles over the years about how women in places we deem lesser are constantly targeted by violent men, often their husbands.    They are beaten, abused & raped.  They have no control or autonomy.  These savages wage physical & emotional war on these women & then to add insult to injury they infect them with a myriad of diseases, including HIV.

You might think I'm talking about Africa, India or even some Southeast Asian country.   Technically, I was reacting to an article about Africa where over a 1,000 women are infected daily with HIV.  But, it's anywhere women are treated as lesser.  It's anywhere violence against women occurs without serious penalty.  It's everywhere these brutal men are allowed to continue breathing after their 1st act of aggression. Because, hey, it was a only a woman, not even a woman, just a girl.

The only way this will ever stop in these places is simple, scarily so.  The only way to stop the nightmare these women endure is to end the lives of those who would bring harm to them & theirs.   Is that awful to say?  Maybe, but ti's true.

Cya...

Way Too Hot...

Yesterday sucked.  It got hot.   We had our 1st 100+ F day.  It never really cooled down & it was warm when I woke up.  It's already near or past the century mark.  It's supposed to be hot all weekend.  Then we're supposed to cool down to the low 90's.

We had shopping this morning & some errands.  It wasn't a fun outing.  Both of us are pretty worn out from it.  

I didn't even look at articles today.  I'm too out of it.  I'll try to tomorrow.

Cya...

Less Humid...

This morning was the 1st time in quite a bit I wasn't stiff & sore.  My eyes weren't sticky & my sinuses weren't bad.   This was the 1st time in over a week, it wasn't already high temps &  humidity.  It's getting hot.  We'll be in the upper 90's F, but without the humidity it's not nearly as awful.  A dry 95 is far better than a muggy 87.  The AC will come on, but not as early.  I don't feel like I'm melting like I have for the last several days.  

The Summer can do a lot to mess you up, even if you don't have a chronic illness.  If you have something like HIV & are on meds, it can be a lot worse for you.   Stay as cool as you can & stay hydrated.  I know I say this every Summer, but it's important.

Stay safe.

Cya...

Not Good...

I've been reading up on something I heard about.  There's a surge in heroin use in my area.  There've been some major busts in Tulsa & Little Rock.    I-40 runs through both,  it's always been a drug corridor.  Why's this happening?

• There's been a crack down on prescription drug misuse/abuse
• Oklahoma refuses to legalize marijuana
• Oklahoma's economy sucks
• There's no sign of any improvement in the foreseeable future
• Oklahoma republicans are lunatic asshats who support privatized prisons
• Religious folks would rather punish you than help you

What's the probable outcome?

• A lot of people becoming heroin addicts
• A lot of people dying from from overdosing
• A lot of people going to prison
• A lot of families destroyed
• A huge uptick in STD"s, HIV & hepatitis

Way to go Oklahoma politicians. You've succeeded into turning our state into a cesspool that's being compared to 3rd world countries due to our economy, prisons & radicalized religious freaks.  You've led us straight into a pretty much avoidable hell.   Congratulations on your colossal failure.

Cya...

Transient Transmission....

Occasionally, I come across an article dealing with something I feel is understated in the study of HIV, transients.   For whatever reason a lot of people move through areas.  Some just from A to B.  Others keep moving.  From snowbirds, the homeless, migrant workers, entertainers, sports players,t ruck drivers, tourists & the like, there are 1,000's of people moving in & out of  areas daily.  

These people could be from anywhere.  They could be there for any reason.  A lot will do drugs & have sex.   They are a prime means of dispersal of many things, including HIV.  These people are the ultimate of fringe types, at least for a little while,  While they may be perfectly, boringly normal in their home residence, on the road or vacation, who knows.

A trucker or air plane worker could be in a dozens different place in a  month.  They could traverse 10's of 1,000's miles weekly.  They could be having sex in every single stop.   That could be a dozen or more a month.

This makes transients more potentially dangerous than a known drug user or a someone having MM sex without a condom.  Basically, we should consider everyone a potential HIV carrier.  Be as safe as possible.  Use a condom.

Cya...

Shopping & Watching...

We went shopping this morning.  It was far from pleasant.  Walmart has forgotten what an AC is for. Their store is hot & humid. Everyone was sweating.  It can't be good for the produce.  

We finally got home & now I'm watching some birds.  We have some huge blue jays.  Somebody ate well as a chick.  There are also some juvenile crows in the yard.  They are interesting to watch.  Very curious, but seriously awkward.  They definitely haven't gotten out on the gangly, fluffy stage.    They're all neck, beak & legs.   Still fun watch bounce around looking for bugs.

It's going to be hot again. Glad we've handled all the outdoors things for today.   Inside I'll stay.  

Cya.

More Heat...

This 3rd full week of the month is marking supposed to be hot.  My area & the adjacent states are under a "heat bubble".  Sounds awful.  Apparently, it means it's hot & the heat's going no where fast.   Great.  Hopefully, it doesn't get too hot.  Just kill the grass & bugs that came back with the rain.  

Nothing much going on here today.  The articles have mostly dried up today.  Maybe tomorrow.

Stay comfortable.

Cya...

Closed Doors...

People who've never been through trauma, no matter the kind, can't understand you aren't & can never be again the person you were before the event.  It's impossible.  You changed, you were altered by in a way that is irrevocable. 

War, illness, accident, fire, abandonment, crime, injury etc... These events shove you from the place you were into somewhere new & then slam the door behind you.  If you're lucky, a new door opens.  

Sometimes, like with finding out you're HIV +, outside that door lies uncertainty, fear, hate, stigma. impossible odds...  Sometimes there is a door, but you have to break it down.  Others, there is no door at all & you have make your own.  

Going from HIV - to +, becoming a victim of crime, being forced to fire a weapon at someone, losing your ability to have children, see, hear, etc... these things all permanently alter you.  The events can't be undone.  The marks are indelible.

If a door closes in your life.   Try to stop for a while.  Try to breathe.  It won't be easy.  You need to go through the next door, but maybe not right this moment.  Hell,  maybe not even this year or the next. 

Cya...

More Rain & Shopping...

We went shopping this morning.  Luckily we got in before it rained again.  Apparently, July has become a wet month.  That's really weird for Oklahoma.  

Not much in the articles today.  Except for the asshat dentist in Tulsa whose negligence led to several 1,000 people having to be tested for HIV & Hep.    Out of 7K possibly infected, only 4K were tested.  Luckily only 1 tested positive for Hep.  It could've been a lot worse.  

The man lost his licence.  He has to pay fines & is on probation.   Where's the jail time for fraud, medical negligence, unsanitary health practices,,,,  Maybe he had  enough $ to buy his way out.  More than likely thought, the judge didn't see this as that big of a thing.  HIV is taken so seriously in Oklahoma.  

That's it for now.

Cya...

Stormy & Super Humid...

It stormed last night & lowered the temps a bit.  That sounds like a good thing, but it's not really.   Yesterday, we stayed cooler most the day, by that I mean in the lower 90's F. But, the humidity kept raising.   It was very unpleasant,   We finally gave out at 92 & feels like 100.   We usually wait until the actual temp is closer to 95.  I just hope the temps jump up or the humidity goes down a bit today.  We can't handle the humidity & the heat,  

Cya...

Trash Day Again...

I'm getting a little new-agey & metaphysical.  As usual on Wednesdays we took the trash to the curb.  It's no longer in our house.  It can no longer impact our house with its heat, stench & other attributes.  I wish  a lot of people could do this with their lives.

We live in a time when a lot of people are angry.  They aren't just mad, though they're hateful & aiming all their negativity at others.  There's hate abounding for every group you can imagine.  No matter what you are, some group despises you.   And, they're not happy doing this in the sanctity of their own homes, no.

These people are spewing their vile, noxious rhetoric & actions anywhere & everywhere they can.   They rant online.  They protest at everything.  They declare their hate, the injustices suffered, their disgust of those who oppose them or are just indifferent.  

Why can't they just take they're trash to the curb?  Why can't they focus on those things in their lives, not everyone else's & deal with their personal garbage & stop forcing others to?  

These people seem to thrive on hate & anger.  It's like they might not exist without all their negativity.  They seem scared that if they let go of all this, there might not be anything of them left. They fear if they don't have those things they target, they'll have to deal with their our lives & their personal issues.

You have every right to alter you, your life & your perspective.  But that's it.   You have no right to force yourself, your thoughts, your ideologies onto others.  

Just take your trash to the curb & I'll take mine.

Cya....

On The Rise...

I'm posting early today so no day drama can impact what I blog about.  Yes, yesterday sucked.  Hopefully, today will be more agreeable.   Now on to the matter.

This article from The Guardian, states that after years of the HIV transmission rates plateauing or falling, that period is over.  Yes, we are no longer declining or even holding our ground against HIV.  The UN estimates  there have been nearly 2 million  infected per year for the last 5.  So, about 10 million people were infected after we allegedly had this virus on the ropes.  Oh, BTW, those our just the people who were tested.  Who knows how many more are actually out there.

A host of things could be to blame;  stigma, isolation, poor education, lax communication, etc... But, as usual, the culprit seems to be something far more predictable, $.   The money issue to multi-sided.  As HIV as allegedly being conquered & less people were dying, interest waned & so did funding.  As the world's economy & safety continue to decline, things like testing & regimens aren't always high the less of necessities for those  caught in bad situations.   There's also the rise of the hyper conservative lunatic.  Many of whom seem to think even mentioning the acronym HIV is akin to promoting promiscuity, drug use & homosexuality.

Money got the fight against HIV & AIDS where it was & the lack of it is getting the battle where it is now.  We're losing.   Mainly because of greedy, insane zealots (pick your flavor).  As it stands, HIV is here & going nowhere soon.   Most likely it will at least out last this generation.  Thanks a lot all ideologues.

Cya...

Bad Morning...

• Had a change in schedule so the water bill had to be paid this morning
• Noticed the car had a low tire
• Took car in while roomie went to pay the water bill
• Tires situation took longer than expected
• Roomie picked me up & we went shopping
• I get out of annoying Walmart with some frozen stuff & I'm hot
• The van won't start
• We have to wait quite a bit before the mechanic can come
• The van was jumped
• The tire was sort of fixed, they couldn't find anything wrong with it
• The van needed a new battery
• The battery cost $130
• Had to run to the bank
• Had to run to DHS & file a form they mailed us for assistance
• Finally home & exhausted

Cya

PS:  As my roomie said, at least it wasn't a 100 F

Another Nicer Day...

OK, yesterday was a bit of trick.  The morning & early afternoon were great.  Then the temps rose slightly & the humidity soared.  We never made it past 83 F, but it was fairly hellish in the evening.  It look like were headed that way again.  But we're already warmer than we were yesterday.    If it gets that humid again, we'll have to turn on the AC.  It's too hard on us & the refrigerator not to.  I can handle a fair amount of heat, but add humidity & I have to call it quits.

Stay cool & dry.

Cya...

July 9th...

I feel so much better than yesterday.  It rained a lot last night & this morning.  It's early afternoon & it still hasn't reached 80 F.  Tomorrow's supposed to be cool as well.  Monday will probably heat back up & be muggy hell, but for now, I'm very comfortable.   This is the nicest it's been all month.  

I scanned the articles & there isn't much out there worth repeating.  Least ways, that I haven't already covered earlier.  Maybe tomorrow.

I'm going to sit back & enjoy the cool weather.  I'll watch the squirrels play & the loud  sparrows hop about.  After some laundry & cooking, that's all I'm doing.

Cya...

Wrapping Up Bills...

This morning was tiresome. We had to hit 2 grocery stores & do some of the remaining bill errands.  Normally, we'd be done by now, but the holiday threw everything off by a few days.   It's hot & humid.  The trip was pretty awful.  I'm worn out & hot.   Sorry, but that's all I have today.  

Cya...

Russia Is Nuts...

Lately I've read a  lot of articles like this piece, talking about how Russia is increasingly insane in their approach to HIV.   They've blamed condom usage for the spread of AIDS.  They've sided with a very conservative orthodox church.  They're promoting abstinence over all else, especially over those evil condoms.

They're persecuting aid groups trying to help with HIV, homelessness & addiction. They're labeling these people as some kind of aggressive & subversive foreign agents. Never mind most of them our local charity groups.  

Russia now seeks to focus on abstinence & treatment only.  The officials seem to have little use for compassion, charity, education or prevention.    No wonder the country's HIV rates are climbing.

Cya..

No Fun Morning...

This hasn't been the funnest morning.  I didn't sleep the best last night.  The cats were rowdy due to the heat.  

The morning was going alright until I noticed my phone is acting up.  Hopefully, I've figured a fix.  We'll see.   I think I breathed in some spray I shouldn't & my throat's been sore all morning.

The trash is out to the curb.  That wasn't a fun trip.  I was already feeling off & the heat/humidity was rough on me.  At least it's done.  

More tomorrow.

Cya...

McStigma...

According to this article, a McDonald's in Bentonville, AR fired an employee shortly after learning he was +.   This is a violation of the ADA.  So was requiring employees to reveal all prescribed medications they're take.    This is an EEOC lawsuit.  It won't just disappear for the franchise owners.

I'm conflicted on this 1.  I don't want people getting fired because they're +.  But, I also don't want to have people with communicable diseases fixing my food.  These include; TB, the flu, hepatitis & yes HIV.  I know once viral levels are undetectable chances for transmission are low.  But there is still a chance & food prep involves knives.   Also, undetectable is a great measure as long as the person is sticking to their regimen & their labs are fairly current.

So, while legally this person shouldn't have been fired for being +, I'd rather not eat food prepared by sick people.

Cya...

Wet 4th....

Happy 4th of July to all those who celebrate it.  If not happy 4th to you as well.   It's a wet day here.  We had quite a storm last night & the rainfall was significant.  Maybe it'll keep people from setting fields on fire with their fireworks.

We did some shopping this morning.  Normally, we would've paid bills, but everything we need is closed for the holiday.  That's been put off until tomorrow.

We're probably going to need a plumber.    The kitchen sink is draining very slowly.  I plunged it & it's working a bit better for now.  Who knows how long that'll hold.  I'd  rather call the plumber than have a tub full of crap water & then have to call the plumber anyway.

Have a great day.  Stay safe.

Cya...

Another Rainy Day In July...

Nothing much going on here.  It's nice we're having another rainy day this month.  This may put us up to early a third of the expected rainfall for July.  It's helping cool things down a bit. 

Maybe it's the heat or something else, but a lot of people are in exceptionally snappy moods lately.  Several posts I read everyday are fairly biting.  More so than usual.  There's a lot of sneaky barbs flying.    I think most people would avoid those others if at all possible.  Sometimes that just isn't an option.

The back porch seems to have become the killing ground for unwanted sparrow chicks.    I found another from the nest above the porch.  That makes 5.  I have no idea why they keep dying or why they keep landing on the porch.  Maybe their parent's are kicking them out.  I'd like it if there weren't any more dead little birds on the porch.

Hope your day is going better.

Cya...

Rainy 1st...

After a very dry June, the 1st day of July had over half an inch of rain.  It was pretty welcome.  Maybe it'll lower some fire hazards & dust.   We usually only get about 3" in July, so we're a lot closer to our goal already than we were in June.

It's supposed to be hot again today.  Yesterday's rain has amped the humidity back up a bit.  The AC will be on soon.  

Not much to post today.  Stay cool.

Cya...

July Is Here...

July is here.  That means fireworks & no mail on Monday.  I'm such a fan of holidays.  Sorry, no candy, no support.   I'm hoping that the forecast for this month is at least slightly off, if not, it's going to be very unpleasant for the next several weeks.  I suppose that's just Summer.

So July, try not to get too awfully hot & hold back on the drama.  That'd be really appreciated.  Maybe we could get a little rain.  Right now, everything's a major fire hazard.

Here's to a good July.

Cya...