So Long March..

It's weird to think this month is already gone.  That 3 months of this year are over.   This Winter was so trying. the time just slipped by while we were shivering.

This month didn't go as well as I would've liked.  It could've gone worse though.  At least I have some idea on how to handle my HIV specialist situation.  

Until 2015, farewell March.  Maybe we'll meet on better terms next year.  Try to remember to be just a tad warmer.

Cya...

Again, Really...

Yet another medical institution is issuing alerts for patients to be tested for HIV after hospital fails to properly sterilize equipment.   This article tells about how somehow California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco has bungled the sterilization procedure on some of its equipment.  

 How does this keep happening?  What's going to happen to the responsible parties?  Are medical institutions ever going to take this matter serious enough to prevent the spread of HIV & other contaminants? 

In the last year I've wrote about at least 3 cases of this happening.  There were others that slipped by me.  I'm sure there were many more that went unreported.  Hell, some probably weren't even noticed.  This is terrifying.  The level of neglect & depraved indifference should be met with serious prison time.  

If a person tests + after this, then they'll have to prove the hospital was the point of origin.    Even then, the best they could do would be to enter litigation over the matter.  Even if they win & are awarded a large sum, it still won't change the fact they're now + & will be for the rest of their life.

Failure to comply with safety & sanitation regulations in regards to healthcare should be treated as a capital offense.   It might not directly kill someone, but it will most certainly end the life they knew.  It will alter everything in their life.   But, I guess the hospital saying it was an accident & that they're sorry is just supposed to cover that.

Cya...

Possibilities...

Choices are great, but sometimes they can lead to anxiety.  It's possible I may be getting a new HIV specialist.  It depends on a lot of factors.  Will my current specialist be more forthcoming on whatever has happened in their office?  Will there ever be telemedicine again?

Then there's the new possible doctor.  Will he have an availability for me?   Will he accept my medical coverage?  Will I be able to stand him?  

I've done a little research into him & he has written at least 1 article regarding HIV.  The drive to his office would be under an hour & only about 40 miles away.    The Tulsa office is 3 times that.   The van could make that drive without any worries.

I'm not sure what's going to happen. I just hope I can resolve the issue quickly & in a manner I can handle.    This medical stuff gets tiresome.

Cya...

Pressure...

My head feels like it's about to explode.  I'm having a lot of sinus issues.  It's left me congested & feverish.   So, far Advil has done little to help with the fever or headache.    It's a little hard to look at the computer screen right now.   This will be brief.  We made it through shopping & now we're cooking some beans.  Maybe I'll feel better later in the day.

Cya...

Resting...

Today is going to be as simple as I can make it.  The trash is out.  No bills or errands need tending to.  I have little to do today & I plan on keeping it that way.  

I was up late last night.  The electric went out.  I was waiting to see what I actually still had on before I went to bed.  I had some things I needed to look at online as well.  I wound up in bed about an 1 1/2 hours later than normal.  I'm a little spent.

I'm trying to ignore some of the noises the house is making.  It's a century old & reacts drastically to changes in humidity.  It's been wet & things are swollen.   The wind is blowing hard today & it's got the place creaking.  It's not a good thing.

March has not lived up to my wants of little to no drama.  There's always April.  I hope everyone has a good day.   I'm giving up on great 1's for a while.   Actually, I'll settle for 1's that just don't suck.

Cya...

Doctor...

I had my appointment with my primary care physician today.   It went well.  We talked about replacing my specialist.  He actually knows of someone closer than Tulsa.  Less than half the distance.    That'd be great.

This doctor is an infectious disease specialist.   My current specialist is primarily an internal specialist.  Hopefully, this will work out well.  I dread that drive to Tulsa & the expense.

Back to my appointment.  My vitals & everything seem to be good for me.  There was an intern on his final days before residency.  He was easy to work with & had a good manner.   Too bad he'll be going to peds.   It seems most the doctors-to-be that are personable go into peds.  I suppose they need it to get along with all those children.

That's all for now.  All I have to do at this point is wait & see what happens with my renewal.   Once this is all over, then I can settle down a bit.

Cya...

I'm Done...

OK, the F'ery concerning the benefits renewal is ongoing & confusing.  This is frustrating.  I'm opting to get out of the house for a while today.  I need a change of scenery for a bit.  Hell, maybe's there's a margarita out there with my name on it.  Hopefully, everyone else is having a better day.

Cya...

Stressed, Hurried & Harried...

We finally got our application for benefits done.  Unfortunately, there was a serious error & the site won't let you fix it.   We called the main office & they said we should be able to correct during the interview.  I hope so.  This has been a trying mess.

I was up early today, but that didn't help much.  Everything conspired to make me run late this morning.  From the cats to the benefits website, everything played it's part to make this morning stressful.    I was nearly an hour late before I finally got to go shopping 

I'm tired & frustrated.  I hope this works out.  I just want this to be over with in a manner that doesn't cause us more issues.

Cya...

Irritated...

I mentioned earlier we're in the process of renewing our benefits for being disabled & the like.  We were supposed to have been able to start this yesterday.   Too bad they don't have the website up & running to actually let us do that.   The phone service is closed for the weekend.  

Who knows when we'll actually be able to this.  Of course, it's on a deadline for us.  I hate dealing with the government, especially at the state level.   Why should they be bothered to make sure something actually works.  I'm sure if someone misses the deadline because of this, they won't see that as their problem.

I'll keep trying.  Maybe it'll be back up later today. This process sucks enough with this BS.

Cya...

Don't Ask...

Yesterday, had some issues that are still ongoing.  We're back to that time of the year when we (the roomie & me) have to refile for our benefits.    This seriously sucks.  These people know exactly how much we make, they're the 1's sending it to us.  Still we have to verify the $ we get in benefits to the people giving the benefits.  This happens every year & the whole process last up to a month.    We have to file our report & then wait to be called back for an interview.   We tried to file today, but their server is down.  So, we wait.

 This is a trying time for us, we don't need anyone adding to the BS pile.  Yet, we have it.    Due to the fallout of an askhole friend of my roomie.   This person is constantly putting crap out there & asking things.  Fishing for a response.  But, be warned, this person is just waiting for a response so they can:

A.  Ignore the advice & go on with their stupidity

B.  Do the opposite

C.  Get mad at you for acknowledging their situation

D.  Get mad at you for agreeing with them

If not 1 of those, these people we'll act as if your attacking them or scream they were just being rhetorical.    If you don't want a response, don't put your crap out there.  People aren't there just to be someone else's perpetual sounding board or yes-man.

Some advice for all those askholes out there, if you don't want us to give a response to the BS you're putting out there, then don't put it out there.  You don't get to hyper express, whine or vent without those around you having a reaction to your mess.  Take your self-involved, drama tantrum somewhere else & stop sucking the life out the situation.

To put it blunt, no 1 has the time to listen to you whine.

Cya...

A Bit Rushed...

We've changed our schedule & it's left me with a little more to do than usual.  I have to run & get my roomie this afternoon.  But, I've got some other things here & over there to handle as well.  This is going to have to be brief.  

I hope everyone had a good 1st day of Spring.

Cya...

Hello Spring...

So long Winter.  Hello Springtime.    Finally, we're officially out of Winter.  It's warmer today, but still a bit cold.   I'll be glad to ditch the morning chills.    

We had shopping to do this morning.  Normally, this would've happened tomorrow, but our schedule's been rearranged this week.  At least that's done.

I hope this is a good season for us.  I could use some less stress & more fortune.  My this Spring be kind to us all.

Cya...

3 Things...

I read about people going through unpleasant things in their lives.  Some people are gracious enough to get through those moments with little fanfare.  I wasn't 1 of those people.  Neither, did I take everything as the universe attacking my personal being.  I was somewhere in the middle.  

My roomie & I are going through our fair share of things now.  We're both on disability.  We're both getting older.   We both live in a hick-town with precious few resources.  I'm dealing with HIV & the idiocy of others.  My roomie is dealing her weight & medical issues of her own.  Going through this, I've had 3 things repeatedly reinforced.

1.  It doesn't matter who's too blame.  In the long run, simply accepting the fact the problem is at hand & must be dealt with is your best option.   The blame game with only aggravate, exhaust & isolate you.  It doesn't matter who I contracted HIV from.  The fact is I did & I am +.   Knowing who the virus originated from won't help me at all.  Maybe my roomie's family were causal in her eating habits as a youth.  So what?  It's her problem now & only she can deal with it.

2.  Why me?  This is a futile question.  Even if you get an answer you can accept, it won't change anything.  Why you?   Why not you?    I got HIV because I had sex.  It was "safe" sex, but apparently not safe enough.  1 of my roomie's current health issues is perimenopause.  Why her?  Well, as sucky as it may be, she's a woman, end of statement.  The choices are menopause or hysterectomy.  Even with the ladder, a woman can still have aspects of menopause.  The why me doesn't matter or help.

3.  Finally, the biggest lesson I've learned concerning these things is simple.  Things can always get worse.  Throughout my years as  a + person, I've seen people far worse off than I was due to HIV.  My roomie has had a bad go of it with her perimenopause, but she recently talked to someone who was much worse off.  These moments can put things in perspective.  You may have it bad, but it could be worse.

Don't worry about the blame or the why.  Accept whatever it is, is now part of your life.  Try to make as much peace with as it possible.   Until then, your situation probably won't improve any.   By all means, never ask, "How could it get any worse."  Life will show you how things can get worse.

Acceptance & perspective on these things is imperative.  Anything else is just a distraction & a thorn in your side.  Let it go.   Accept the new you & your new life.  Like it or not, the old 1 is gone.  

Cya...

Another Tuesday...

We're post St. Patrick's & we've finished off the holiday food.  Not that we made  a lot.  It looks as if we're on the final stretch to Spring.  Yeah!  There are  flowers on the bushes & the dogwoods are beginning to bloom.  For me, the best part is the little blue flowers are back in the yard.  I don't really know what kind they are & doesn't matter.  I see them as the beginning of something new & they always make me smile.  

I know they won't be here long, so I do my best to take them in and welcome the moments they're with us.  Very mono no aware or wabi sabi.  We let a lot go through our lives without realizing the briefness of the moment.  In that instant, we lose the beauty & peace they have to offer.  

You have been given the gift of life.  It is a fragile gift, not one that you can keep forever.  But it is the most precious gift in all the world.  Use it well, little one.  - Elder Petalar 

I know that quote came from the 2011 version of the Thundercats, but it has an immense impact.  We can choose to let things be with us as they can, for as long as they can or we can lose out entirely.    I'm doing my best to embrace the moments.  

Spring is upon us.  New things are rising.  It's time to shed some of the old.  May this be a great Spring.

Cya...

Happy St. Patrick's...

It's that time of year again.   What's that mean for me?  Not much.  I'm not Irish, Catholic or a parade follower.  Pretty much all I'm going to do is cook some cabbage.

I'm not big on holidays.  Especially those that don't get me presents or candy.  OK, mostly candy.  You don't even get good holiday TV cartoon specials for this 1. 

For those of you that celebrate it, I'll raise a pretend glass to you & say, "Happy St. Paddy's."  For the rest of us, we might as well enjoy the food.   Have a good 1.

Cya...

Rainy Sunday...

We've had our 1st real rain of the year.  2013 turned out to be pretty wet for us, but so far 2014 has been  dry.  We didn't come near our rain averages for January & February.  With being drying & having high winds, there've been a lot fire warnings.  

March may not meet it's rain quota, we're still like 3" away from it.  At least we'll have had this much.  It looks like we've had just over an inch.    Maybe this will knock some of the dust & crap out of the air that's be flying in the wind.  

The overcast skies made it hard to wake up this morning.  But, it was a good night's sleep with the rain going on outside.   Hopefully, we'll get more rain & no serious storms today.  They've even forecast a chance for more snow.  I doubt we'll see any of that, it's just too warm.  The rain may freeze though, if the temps drop.  

The 1st day of Spring is in 4 days.  I'm ready to leave Winter behind.  This was not a pleasant season for me or mine.  So take back your snow, take bake your ice, take back your howling, North winds.  We're done with you Winter.

Cya...

Leftovers...

We carry things from earlier on in our lives.  We tell ourselves those times are over & we can let go of them, but sometimes we just can't.  Other times, we don't even know we have them until something triggers us.  

For example, (bear with me),  my roomie's, friend's son accidentally broke their flatscreen TV.  This wasn't his fault for many reasons:

• He's only 8 or 9
• His parents have always let him play with his toys near the TV
• The toy suddenly broke & part sailed into the TV

It was an accident.  An accident that could've been avoided if he hadn't been allowed to play near the TV.  But, a toy unexpectedly breaking & sending part straight into a flatscreen isn't something a kid could've have anticipated.   Again, he's a kid.

Still, many of us as kids, myself included, still would've caught hell over this event.  Not just for then either, it would've meant a lifetime's worth of spite material for our parents or other relatives.  From then on, the event could've & would've been used against you.  A flatscreen TV would become something you dreaded.

There are actions kids do today; talking back, not holding the door or being too loud in a restaurant that make me cringe.  I would've been bopped & hard.  My grandmother believed in physical sanctions to enforce what she saw as positive habit development.

When you 1st find out you're + you notice things.  How people react.  How they treat the situation & you can have a lot of impact.   Did those around you accept this was something you were enduring or did they make it into their own personal drama?  Yes, others in your life will be impacted by your HIV status, but it's still you that's going through it, not them.  

Things like this linger in our mind.  My roomie & I both have a lot of leftovers like this courtesy of our families & alleged friends.  You can try to let go of it, but it's seriously difficult.   People will tell you, it happened so long ago or it wasn't that bad.   Totally irrelevant.   These things happen when you're vulnerable.  They scar you.  Scars may heal, but they generally don't go away.

Luckily, the boy who broke the TV wasn't blamed for it.  The adults realized it was an accident.  I hope he does as well & this doesn't become a leftover in his life.

The point is, things like this matter, they mark us, often indelibly.  We may move past it, but the scar's still there & from time to time we're reminded of how it came to be.  My ex-roommate, co-opted my illness.  My HIV status & sickness became his to use as he could.  He did this until he couldn't milk the situation for anything more.  Then he left.  So, I have some trust issues regarding the matter.  At least I was old enough to realize that was his issue & not something I needed to let mark my life.  He really wasn't worth that.

Words & actions matter, especially to vulnerable people.  Practice a little care or just stay away from people.

Cya...

Happy Pi Day

Today is Pi Day.  We managed to actually make a pie today to celebrate, being that we're such great mathematicians in this house.   Facetiousness, much.

We managed to put together a make shift lemon pie.  I would've bought 1 at Wal-Mart today if i had remembered what day it was.  But, I didn't.

Here's hoping you have a great Pi day.  May 3.141592653... be with you.   

Cya...

So Far, So Good...

So far, today has been a fairly descent day.  The rest of my meds are supposed to arrive this afternoon.  It seems for now I have the computer network working, at least mostly.  The laptop is still fighting me on sharing.  That can be worked around though.  It's a nice day weather wise.

There are some articles going around about possibilities of new treatments.  When they seem more with it, I'll post on them.  Another hospital in New York is having to tell people to get tested for HIV & hepatitis.  Apparently they didn't understand the concept of single-use regarding single-use insulin pens.  They reused them & may have spread who knows what.  Seriously, how long is it going to take people to understand how much a part sanitation plays in fighting HIV?

I'm not focusing on much right now.  I'm trying to do my best to do a duck's back impersonation right now.  I'm just trying to let the current stress slide right off me. We'll see how that goes.

Cya...

Frustration...

Wednesdays are the days I usually try to take for myself to get things done that I want to do.   How damn selfish of me apparently.  Or at least ridiculous.   It never fails that if something has to happen, it must happen on Wednesday.   Idiotic Windows must update on this day.  My computer & network must f'up on this day.  I must make a trip to my doctor's office to fix a pharmacy screw up on this day.    

I hate it when things screw with my schedule.  I'm very frustrated right now.  A lot of little things that shouldn't have been a problem have decided to be a gigantic pain in the ass on Wednesday, the day I like to take to myself.

I don't need this crap.  Speaking of which, at least today is trash day.  I can think of a lot more I'd like to kick to the curb inf could.  

Enough of me ranting.  I hope everyone else's day is going well.

Cya...

LAN Issues...

We've been having some LAN bottle-necking issues lately.  I'm going to replace the router & see if that helps.  This should not be a big thing, but in this house you never know.   Hopefully, it'll go smoothly.  I have several devices to setup for the new system, so we'll see.

Cya...

Running Errands...

Have to run over to Fort Smith.   We needed somethings & our Wal-Mart didn't see fit to have in them stock.    They were things that couldn't have been put off safely.  Our store may have had them the next day or so, but then again, they might not have.  

Oh well, it'll be nice to be out the house.  It's supposed to be a nice day today.  We could use that.    I'm tired of all the chilly, overcast ones.

We've got to get going.  I won't push it though.  I'm still getting caught up with that hour that was stolen by Daylight Saving Time.

Cya...

DST Sucks...

I'm off a bit today.  Daylight Saving Time & me do not mix well.  Even after a shower, I'm somewhat groggy.  I want my hour back.   DST is the stupidest concept.  

I'll be back on my game soon.  For now, I tired.

Cya...

Not 1 Thing, Then Another...

We're starting to warm up.  We may even be in the 70's this upcoming week.  There's supposed to be some rain, we could use it.

But, I'm trading cold season in for allergies.  We're already hovering in the medium to high zones at pollen.com.  Pollen.com come just had to beat Spinal Tap, there's goes to 11.  

It seems my hopes of a less drama filled March are being pushed aside.  The disruption I wrote about yesterday isn't helping that matter.  My pharmacy called yesterday to tell me they needed refill orders so they could fill my order.  Too bad they called on Friday late in the afternoon. I'll have to wait until Monday to call my doctor for the request.  Which means the refill order might get sent off late Monday or Early Tuesday.  They'll probably split my order again.

So goodbye, drama-free March.  I guess that was just too much to ask for.  As for the people & things causing this drama, may something truly horrible, disgusting & humiliating come your way.  Oh well, there's always April.

Cya...

Disruption...

There have been some serious ripples coming through my home.  The disruption wasn't mine & doesn't directly concern me.  It does & will continue to affect my environment for possibly quite a while.  

Like I said, the action in question, wasn't my own, nor do I feel as if I'm the person to be discussing on such a forum.  However, the consequences of this event & how it'll effect me & mine are my business.  People often take actions or choose not to do so with little thought as to how this event will alter & impact other people's lives.

When you introduce something new or take something out of your life it will cause ripples in everyone else's life around you.  Even if they aren't people you readily interact with or even know.  Say, you decide to get a dog, good for you.  However, this will not only impact your life, but that of anyone else living in the house.  It will  effect those living near you, those who come visit you, those who provide goods/services for the dog, etc...

Not all ripples are bad, but they aren't all good either. The disruption that has come my way, has the potential for being good, but at least as much potential to be very bad.   Now, those more directly affected are waiting to see how it will impact them.  I'm more on the tertiary tier of things, but still the event has potential to cause alterations in my life.

I'm not sure how this will play out or if I'll ever be able to fully discuss the matter.  Just remember you aren't the only one in the pond when you cause a splash.   When I contracted HIV, it didn't just alter my life, but those of the people I was near.  We don't live in a vacuum.  

Cya...

Fetch...

It's Thursday & I'll have to go get my roomie from Fort Smith later today.  I'm really just trying to pull everything back together right now.  I'm starting to feel better.  I'm still irritated about the Tulsa doctor thing.  I probably will be until it gets fixed in a means that suits my needs better.   Hopefully, that will happen.

Today, I plan on doing as little as possible.  I need to catch up on some Netflix.  I have to go check mail.  Then go retrieve the errant roomie.  I'll keep my eyes open for Clementine, the outdoor cat.  I haven't seen him for a while, but he roams.

That's about it for the day.  Hopefully, nothing adds to my list.

Cya...

Sleep Off...

My health, the weather, the stress or who knows what caused multiple interruptions in my sleep last night.  I'm not at my best today.  I kept waking up & then going back to sleep.  Whatever the reason I'm a bit worn out today.  My typing is off.

I'm really trying not to focus on the doctor BS at the moment.  I've done what I can for now.  Still, it's an issue in the back of my mind.  

The ice is melting, but it still lingers.  Taking out the trash wasn't fun or warm.  At least it's done.  The beginning of the month bills are mostly paid.  At least we're on schedule with that.

I'm meandering in this, so I'll end now.

Cya...

Date Set...

Things are still up in the air for telemedicine.  The bus is totally in the past tense now.  They may or may not be working on something that would allow them to set up a telemedicine site on premises somewhere here in Poteau, but not on the bus. For now, I'm stuck with Tulsa.

The appointment is over 2 months late on May 7th.   I'll meet with my physician in late March & see what he has to say on the matter.  Maybe he can come up with an alternative.  I'm not holding my breath.

I'm exasperated with the matter.  But the date is set & things are moving forward, even if somewhat sideways.    I still hate this.

Cya...

Over It..

There's over 3" of snow/ice BS outside my door.  It's still in the teen's F, with no sign of getting near freezing today.  I hate this crap & I'm over Winter. 

This won't be long.  We've had a power blip & I can't guarantee there won't be more.  We could still lose power &/or internet.   1 idiot driver & there goes an electrical pole.

I hope you're warm wherever you are.

Cya...

Cold Again...

The temps have plummeted again.   The low for last night was supposed to be in the low 40's F.  When I woke it was at 32.  It's since dropped to the mid 20's.    Our predicted low for tonight has dropped down to 10,   That's way too cold for my sake.  

It was raining off & on all night, so now there's a thin glaze of ice over things.  It will get worse if we get anymore rain.  It's predicted we will.  Here's hoping the weathermen are wrong.

I know we need the rain, but we don't need another ice event this Winter.  I've had it with this on & off cold season.  This Winter has been a constant flip-flop.

Here, I was hoping for warmer weather only to have this crap show up.   In like 3 weeks, it'll be Spring.  I'm seriously ready for it.

Cya...

Hello March...

I've been too caught up in my own drama to notice February snuck out the door.  So, hello March & goodbye February.   I still haven't fully worked out my medical drama, but I'm working on it.  There aren't many things I want from March, but here it goes.

1. I want less medical drama
2. I would like some seasonal weather
3. We need some rain, but not a flood
4. Could you please hold off on any tornadoes
5. I'd like TV not to be 80% reruns
6. I want to get over this blasted cold/sinus thing
7. No car drama

I wanted to do 10, but I'm at a loss right now.  Really all I want is less drama, good (better) health & some pleasantries like the little flowers that'll start blooming in the yard any time now.

In less than 10 days will have Daylight Saving Time back & I'll lose an hour of morning light.  I'm not fond of that.  That light helps me wake up in the morning & not feel like groggy mess for the rest of the day.

Until next year, February.  

Welcome March. 

Cya...