I try my best not to think about the past, it doesn't usually work. The past really isn't a good place to be. Even it was a good time for you, it's gone & no longer exists. It's just a hollow place.
Every once in a while, people will talk about their good memories of things from their past, their childhood. Sometimes, I stupidly let myself get drawn into this mess & wind up resenting it. First off, there weren't a lot of good times in my childhood. Second, if there were good times they were usually surrounded by even worse than normal times.
If there was a good moment with my parents, it was just an attempt on their part to justify their being absent or horrible later. If there was a good time with my grandparents it was either because I was living with them because my parents left me there again or I would have to pay for the good time with my grandparents later when I got home & my mother was in some hell mood aimed at my grandmother.
I hated holidays. They were a disaster in the making for me. Sure, there were Christmas presents, but... there was also the fact my grandparents & parents were in the same place. Never a good a thing.
The best thing that ever happened in my life was without a doubt, was getting away from those people. I'm not saying that my life got instantly better, it didn't. But, my family was out of the picture & that alone was a huge source of relief. When family can't behave like family, then it's time for them to go.
Cya
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