The last bit has been rough on me & I don't see a break coming soon. I'm trying to wade through this muck but it's not easy. The last few months have been filled with anxiety causing BS. The TV was acting weird. I stepped out on the porch only find fire ants had nested under some pavers. Those bastards hurt. Now they're dead, but damn that stung. There is no good reason to keep fleas, roaches, fire ants or termites. Up with the butterflies, dragons, lightning bugs & bees.
I've seen some pieces lately over people trying to justify their emotions after being diagnosed HIV+. To hell with that. There may meds, there may be better regimens, there may be many great things. But there's also the fact you are now +. Now you have the life a poz person & all that baggage. You have the medical hoops & meds. You have the knowledge it's forever & you've changed. There is exhaustion, anger & stigma.
How you feel or react is legitimate. It's your diagnosis & your life. You're the only person who gets to decide how you feel about your life. Screw anyone who tries to tell you otherwise. HIV may not be a death sentence for most of us any more. But our old lives are over. It's not fabulous, it's infuriating. There are days I curse starting treatment & sticking around. It would've been easier not to have. Life as a poz person can be an absolute bitch. But, it's usually not all the time.
It's your life, your health & your story. No one else gets to own it. No one gets to use your illness to build themselves up. If someone tries to use your illness to their advantage, do your best to get away from them. Those people don't give a damn about you. They only want to make you're the current sad arc of their personal drama. Just run.
Cya...
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