Goodbye July...

Until next year, July.   I wish I could say it'd been nice, but it really wasn't.  I'm hoping August does better by us.  I could use to some easy time.  I've got a month until my birthday & this ear has mostly just sucked serious ass. 

I'm feeling a little better today.  Maybe it's more of the cooler weather.  Or maybe, I'm just fooling myself into buying what I'm selling.  I'm not sure.  I'm tired of just hitting walls of dread.  

Shopping went reasonably well today.  We dealt with some errands & then came home.  I'll have to have blood drawn this week for labs.  There will be bill paying near the end of the week.   1st of the month is always busy.

That's it for now.

Cya...

Trying...

The hummingbirds & dragonflies are back.  We even have some clumsy cicada.  Most people call them locust around here.  They're beautiful & diverting.   I've been really trying to focus on that.  They usually make me smile, but it's been harder this year.   I'm trying to be happier.  I'm trying not to focus on all the negatives in my life.  I'm trying not to panic about things, like the electric bill screw-up.  I'm trying, but I don't think I'm doing very well at it. 

The hummers & dragons just aren't catching my eye like they used to do.  My mood is about as awkward as the annoying mockingbird's squawk.  The little brown cat outdoors, Hazel, showed up today & it was sweet.  Still, I'm just trying.

Maybe this will be better when it cools down again.   Possibly if the electric bill thing works out I'll calm down a little.  I'm really tired of living crisis to crisis.  Only having tiny gains & shallow successes.   Knowing the next thing is just waiting to bring chaos I'm ill-suited to handle.  I know it's not, but every little thing, seems like a personal jab.  

I'm trying, but I'm tired.

Cya...

Tiring...

This last year has been exhausting.  I've talked about spoons & energy before.  Most people start life & they have gallons, kegs, some even seem to have dump-trucks full of energy being renewed daily.   That can change as you get older, as limitations & disabilities enter your life.   You may find you only have cups per day compared to others.   Some of us can find our way down to spoons.

At least, in the beginning, they're still heaping tablespoons. But sometimes they can work themselves down to tiny appetizer spoons.  It can get worse & people wind up working with dashes & pinches or even just suggestions of energy.  

I'm not that low, but there are days when I wonder.  How much do I have left in me?  Am I going to be able to come back from this?  There are mornings I wake up agitated, nervous, panicky & wonder if I can make it through the morning, let alone the day.  

This year has been rough already.  We've lost 2 cats. I went into the hospital.  I lost a medication & had to start a new regimen. The weather's been bad.  Now, this electric company screw up.  I hope it all works out alright.  But, if it doesn't I don't know if I have anything left to do much about it.  I try not to focus on it, but there are days I'm just spent, sick & emotionally exhausted.

Something needs to go our way soon.

Cya...

Final Friday Of July ...

Today's better than yesterday, but some of the issues are still somewhat up in the air.  My electric bill got screwed  up & what should've been a simple fix, turned into a total pain in the ass.  They made us get a new account, which might be a total problem.  They say it won't be, but I won't be able to tell until the next bill.  Just great.  

I hate OGE.  Correction, I despise every utility & communication company in this area.  They're all corrupt, convoluted, stupidly difficult & astounding rude.  There's not much I can do about this for now.

I have to get blood drawn next week.  This will see how my new med is doing.  Hopefully, everything will be alright.

I'll post more tomorrow.

So far 2017 is sucking  as much as 2016.

Cya...

Off Day...

It's hot, humid & the day's messed up.  I'm not really in the place to blog today.  Maybe tomorrow.  

Cya...

Still Hot...

It's still unpleasant here.  2 days from now we're supposed to cool down into the lower 90's.  Yes, the lower 90's will be cooler than we've been in this miserable air-swamp, called Oklahoma.  

I'm feeling some better than yesterday.  We turned on the AC earlier to try to deal with the humidity.  The heat is bad, but the wet is the killer.  

This is the last Wednesday of July.  No more trash runs for this month.  July is almost gone.  A third of Summer is officially behind us.  Yay!

That's it for now.

Cya...

Not Sure...

This has been a weird Summer.  It's been hot & very HUMID!!!   I mean in the  80 & 90% range by 9 PM.   We hit that humidity sometimes, but usually right before dawn.  Not all night long.   

I'm not sure if I'm still recovering from pneumonia or this new medication is an issue, both or something else, but, I'm staying hot & exhausted.   All 3 components of Triumeq talk of heat intolerance.  Yippie!  

I'm trying to stay cool, dry & rested.  That isn't being easy right now.  I'm worn out already.  I'll write more tomorrow. 

Cya...

Feeling Better...

We got a fair amount of rain yesterday & it cooled us down a bit.  I didn't sleep as well as I would've liked, but I still feel a lot better than I did.   We went shopping earlier & that's about all I have planned for today.  I don't want to push it & wind up feeling awful again.

There wasn't much for articles, so I think this is it for today.

Cya...

Off Morning...

I had a rough morning.  This heat has gotten to me & I feel like crap.  That's the extent of this post.  I woke up, I felt like crap, I wrote a blip. 

Cya...

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda...

I read a lot of articles about things that might be.   The latest is how research with cows regarding HIV might provide a cure.   In the past, it's been specific plants, techniques, older medications.  What they all share, is that they were theories at best, maybe even somewhat researched ideas.   

They were just proposals.  Like cool concept cars that never make it into production.   It's not that these things were necessarily bad ideas.  It's just that's all they were, ideas.  They most often don't pan out.  More often than not, they don't even contribute to further research efforts.  So, why do people keep reporting on them as if they were actual science?

Treating these matters as anything more than what-ifs is detrimental.  It harms scientist taking part in  conventional research.   It builds up false, sometimes, even ridiculous hope. 

I wish until something is in a nearing final research stage they'd limit their publications to purely academic settings & not alert the public.   Most lay people, don't understand the difference between academic conjecture & actual research.  I would like it if they'd stop publishing actual research about possible future treatments that are 5+ years out.  It just builds up too many expectations.

Cya... 

AIDS Survivor Syndrome...

OK, someone seriously should've put more thought into the acronym, because A.S.S sucks.  AIDS Survivor Syndrome is a relatively recent conversation.  Check out this site.   Lets Kick ASS discusses a lot concerning the matter.  What does it mean?  Who are the survivors?  What can be done?

Survivors are generally those coming from the "plague" years, a little before my + time, but some would include me.  It deals with those who are + & those who are aren't, who watched as HIV ripped through their communities.  Those left wondering, why was I left when they were taken?  

The site goes on to talk about the syndrome in comparison to PTSD.   It talks about long term survivors & their lives.  It discusses the site's mission  & in helping those dealing with A.S.S.   Damn, that's horrible.

That's all  for now.  Check out, Letskickass.org.  They're also on Twitter & Facebook.

Cya...

Hot Thursday In July...

Old record time, it's hot & humid here today.  We woke up to a houseful of swampish air.  It took quite a while to air it out.  The AC came on early.  

The garbagemen came & took the trash away.  I'm surprised they don't come earlier in the day to avoid the heat.   I do not envy them their jobs.

My meds should be here later this afternoon.  Hopefully, CVS didn't screw it up again. It'll be the 2nd shipment of Triumeq.  So far, so good on the new med.  I'll get blood work drawn the beginning of August to see how things are going.  

That's all for now.

Cya...

Stop Comparing...

I hate how people constantly compare people/situations to other disparate people/situations.  Ann Coulter has been all over the news lately with her squabble with Delta Airlines.  Now comics & memes are comparing her to Rosa Parks.  I have no use for Coulter.  But, unless she made the Parks comparison. then it's pointless & crass. Coulter's reaction may have been extreme, but she did have a contract for the seat.  Delta should've honored it.  There is no comparison between her & Parks.

Stop comparing people.  A majority of the middle class compared themselves to the wealthy & decided they too were worthy all the finery money can buy.  What they actually got was a bunch of mass-produced knock-offs, tacky wannabe stuff & a massive amount of debt.   They couldn't be happy in their own place.  They had to look over the fence & decide those peoples' lives were better.  So many social movements do this.  They decide someone else has the life they should have & can't stop comparing until they wind up with anger &/or violence.

Individuals keep comparing themselves to others.  Why aren't I as pretty, smart, athletic, etc as so & so?  Where's my beautiful wife, large automobile, beautiful house, etc.. . Thank the Talking Heads for asking this question.  Apparently, we still haven't gotten the meaning of the song yet.

Constantly comparing yourself to others is detrimental.   It's a type of self harm, we don't want to recognize.   We aren't talking about some competition here.   This isn't a beauty contest or a football game.  It's your life.  

Stop thinking other people have it so much better than you.  Stop comparing their good or bad moments to yours.  If your having a bad day.  It doesn't matter if someone else's life is worse off than yours.  You're still having a bad day for you.  It's OK to acknowledge that.   If you have a good life, you should be thankful for it, but you don't have to apologize for being fortunate.

You are you.  Your life is your life.  Worry about your own being. Stop devaluing your existence by measuring it against other peoples' lives.  It doesn't matter how much you compare, adjust, scream, fight, alter, etc...  In the end, you will still be you.  Try to be kind to yourself.

Cya...

Yesterday...

I want to talk about yesterday.  Even though I had a short bout of being over-heated, went shopping & experienced an unpleasant anniversary, it turned out to be a good day for me.   I don't know how, but it did.  I have so few of them, I want to acknowledge it.

I managed to have a relatively positive interaction with my pharmacy.  That almost never happens & it could still turn sour, so fingers crossed & all that.   I hit multiple places while out yesterday morning & none of them were bad stops.   Things hardly ever go that way for me.  I pushed my luck yesterday & fortunately, it didn't push back.  So, today, is going to be sedate.  

Yesterday, was the 2 month anniversary of our little cat, Rowan's passing.   Her presence is deeply missed.  The house just isn't the same without her.   Travel well, little cat.

Cya...

More Rehash...

I looked at the articles today & I was happy to see some new material.  That faded quickly when I read the pieces,   I saw 3 headlines jump out at me.

The 1st, HIV infection boosted by cell signalling.   Sounded promising.  It's about the process by HIV transmits itself.  Too bad the majority of the info was old & what wasn't was thin at best.  

The 2nd, Researchers making advancement in HIV/AIDS treatment.   This 1 seemed to be touting some new information.  But no, it was only rehashing things stated about treatments in other articles.

The 3rd,  Stigma preventing thousands with HIV from seeking treatment in SC.  OK, this was about stigma, so I wasn't expecting much.  But I did expect to see some specifics.  I didn't get any though.  Another failed article.

This has been the problem with articles for some time.  The remaining top articles, were just as useless.  They were old, rehashed or just too on the edge of things to be written about properly at the moment.  This sucks.

Cya...

Harder...

It's getting harder to write this blog.  I made a commitment to do a daily entry if at all possible.  I've mostly been successful.  However, for the last several months, coming up on a year, articles regarding HIV have been in short supply.  What has been there, has been mostly rehashing & unsubstantiated.    

There have been a lot repeat articles & days without anything at all.  I've gone on the best I can, but I have to admit there times, when I wonder what I'll write about.   Today is another day of limited publications, most of which, I've already addressed.  It's getting harder to carry on this conversation, when other people aren't partaking in the process.

Maybe there'll be something tomorrow.

Cya...

Oh Yes, It's July...

Summer finally remembered it's here.   Yesterday's temps weren't that high, but the humidity was awful.  It's looks to be the same today.  Then the forecast is hot, hot, hot.  Out 1st century mark day is predicted within 2 weeks.  I could live the rest of my life without seeing a 100+ F days again.  The AC is on & may be  for the rest of the season.  

That's all for now.

Cya...

Butt Kicking Humidity...

The last few days have been horribly humid.  To the point of being seriously unpleasant.    Humidity is an antagonizer.  Alone, it isn't that horrible.  But, it makes everything else so much worse than it would be without the humidity.  

We may not get that actually hot today.  But, I bet the wetness drives us to turn on the AC, just to dry things out.  Being dry in the Summer is a must.

We finally got mowed, yesterday.  The yard needed it.   Felt sorry for the guy doing it.  It must've been hellish.

That's all for now.

Cya...

Reputable...

There was an article  today about British catastrophe concerning HIV during the early 1990s.   Allegedly, the UK health service procured tainted blood from a foreign source.  Cost was the motivation.   Accordingly, thousands of people were infected with HIV & other blood transmitted illnesses.  Later thousands of those people died.

Why aren't I writing about this?  Simple, the article was in the The Sun.  The UK publication is a tabloid & not reputable enough to site as a solitary source.   Everything in the article may have been 100% genuine & accurate.  It doesn't matter.  This publication is just 1 small step above announcing  the birth of Elvis' love child with an alien sasquatch. 

If you don't have a reputation of being reliable.  Then don't get upset when people question your publications.  If this did happen, it was an atrocity.  However, that is an awfully large, "If."

Cya...

Bit Of Nothing...

I have to go out later & I have some minor things around the house to do.  Other than that, there isn't much going on today.  Well, besides being hot.   

The lawn guy is supposed to be here this evening.  I hope so, the yard has gone to seed.  Parts of it are more in need of baling than mowing.    Hope the guy comes later though, maybe by then it might have cooled down just a bit.

That's all I have today. 

Cya...

Another Tuesday...

There's nothing much going on here today.  It's just another hot Tuesday in July.  Nothing special about that.   

I finally got some paper work in from my pharmacy.  They said it was important.  Some how it took 3 weeks to get here.   Yet, they made it seem like I'm wasn't trying hard enough to get the mail to deliver it to me.  Go figure.   Sometimes, I really hate my pharmacy.

I guess that's it for now.  Stay cool.

Cya...

UUGGHH Morning....

This wasn't a good morning.  I woke up stiff & in some pain.  Hot & humid nights have done me in.  Then there were the allergens.  Then there was a horrendous trip to Walmart with all those asshats & their even worse children.  Child of Asshat is an awful thing to be, but even worse to endure.  I was in a foul mood by the time I left the store. 

I'm home.  I've eaten.  I've taken some pain-killers.  I'm starting to feel more human.  Hopefully, the rest of the day will be better.

Cya...

Ongoing...

I saw a video on Huff Post today of people reading conversations from Grindr.  These conversations were caustic blasts aimed at HIV + people.  I can't say I'm surprised.  HuffPo, didn't go very deep into the hatred & stigma aimed at people on sites like Grindr.  The video was pretty lightweight.

For many, the stigma of HIV is far worse than the virus.   HIV can do a lot of horrible things to you.  But, not nearly as quickly as the stigma.  

Some folks believe education is the way to fight stigma.  Awareness can help, but it won't completely deal with the stigma + people face.  If  that approach worked, there wouldn't be such levels of  racism left in the world.  Some people won't change due to education on any topic.  These people revel in their hatred and animosity.   

I'm not saying we shouldn't try to educate others on the matter of HIV.  But we have to realize, there's nothing anyone can do to change these people if what they really want to do is hate.  People like this are going to embrace their negativity & anger no matter what is said. 

Sometimes the saying is right, "Haters gonna hate."

Cya...

Rainy Day...

This has been a weird year for weather.  Yesterday was only our 2nd day to actually need the air conditioner.  We turned it on more to deal with the humidity than the heat.    June  & even July look to be the only months so far this year that have or will meet their monthly rain totals.  We've been over a foot down since January.  It's strange we're getting more rain in the Summer than we did during the Spring.   Too bad all this rain is making it really humid.   Still, we need it.

We woke up to the rain & it's been going pretty steadily & sometimes heavily all morning long.  It briefly knocked out the internet.   Still, it's nice to get the cooler weather for a moment.

Cya...

Windows Sucks...

Every time Windows does a major update it screws my network & homegroup.   It hit me this morning.  I"ll be spending quite a while fixing it again.  I hate these damn updates.

More tomorrow.  Hopefully, my mood will improve.

Cya...

Early Morning Stick...

I got up early & went down to get blood drawn for a thyroid panel.   We'll see what it says & then decide what happens next.  I want this handled soon.  I don't like be so blasted twitchy.    It's seriously exhausting.

Cya...

Morning Office Run...

I went to my primary care doctor's office this morning.  I sat up a blood test for tomorrow morning.  I need to see if my thyroid levels are alright.    I've been feeling off & dealing with higher blood pressure ever since the change in my meds & when I take them.

Hopefully, we'll figure this out soon.   If not, I'll have to figure some way to handle it on my own.  Because this is no fun.

That's it for now, more tomorrow.

Cya...

4th...

It's the 4th of July.  Tonight, we'll be able to see the fireworks from our porch.  We'll also probably get smoked out from the same fireworks.  

This was a bigger holiday for me as a kid.  Now, I really don't care much about it.  Except, that it screws with getting bills handled at the beginning of the month.  I wish they'd move all the mail/bank affecting holidays towards the middle of the month.  This 1 doesn't even get us chocolate.

Well, have a happy 4th.

Cya...

Not Today...

Between the weather, the new meds, going shopping & paying bills, I'm spent.  I'm done for the day.  I've got very little energy left in the tank.  Unless, it's a must do, it's not happening.  

Have a great day & for those in the US, have a happy 4th tomorrow.

Cya... 

OK, So...

OK, it's day 4 & I have to wonder about some of the potential side effects of Triumeq.  Many on  the list, I already experience; diarrhea, cough, achiness, etc...  So, it's hard to tell what's causing what.

  Also, moving my thyroid medication also causes me issues for a while.  However, I am tired, pretty much so.  This is listed as a aside effect of Triumeq, but it could be a lot of other things.  They say men in my age range who've been taking the medication for less than a month often experience being overly tired.  I hope this passes, it's seriously no fun. 

That's all for now.

Cya...

Hello July...

Half of 2017 is water under the bridge.   I hope for a more pleasant 2nd half.  So, July, I know you'll probably be hot, but hopefully too much so.  Let's just have a nice, low-drama month.

It's my 3rd day on Triumeq.  Moving my thyroid pill has done a number on my digestion.  My body will adapt, with any luck soon.  

Not much going on around here.  Well, there's lots of mockingbird squawking.  A seriously unpleasant noise.  There seems to be nothing joyous about this bird.

That's it for now.

Cya...