My book is getting thinner. Life keeps ripping chapters out of it. I have the memories, but Memorex just isn't the same. Every so often I hear on the news or read on the net of some person I grew up watching on TV or listening to on the radio has passed & left this world a little dimmer. I know that's the way of life, but it really sucks.
I occasionally google places I use to live & use the map feature to play voyeur. I really should stop. Most of the time, the nostalgia I endure isn't for things still standing, but things long gone or faded past the point of recognition. The fantastic theatre I went to as a kid no longer plays films, it's just a sporadically used playhouse. My burger joints, skating rink & even the creek I played in as a child are long gone. It's like they erased a part of my life.
Why so weird today? Today was the birthday of person that used to be close to me during my early college years. We went our seperate ways during our grad school & never really came back together. I google & facebook people I used to know as well as places.
Some, I've never found. Maybe they've changed their names or don't want to be on the net. Other s are living their new lives wherever they are now. My motivation for the searches was curiosity not hopes of reunification. Those boats have long since sailed. These people & I share memories & there's really nothing more awkward then trying to talk to someone you used to know, when both of you have moved on with your lives. Reminiscing get's old fast.
The friend I spoke of earlier, she was born on September 28, 1966. She was someone, I reconnected with a couple times over the phone during the late 90's & early 2000's. But, it was obvious, the calls were just uncomfortable & bordering on unpleasant. We were strangers with no reason to talk any more. So, the calls stopped, I recently found out, she passed. It was back in 2004. Almost a decade before I found out. She lived less than an hour away & I didn't her anything. I'm not sure what I felt about that, it was just a hollow weirdness.
Since, my 20's, I've known a lot of people who have passed that were in my crowd of people. Some from HIV, others not. I guess I should say it brought about a lot of sadness to my life, but not really. It was just strange, like someone altered a picture on the wall & made part of it fade away. As I get older, some things are harder to feel, like the intense feelings you have as a teen or 20 something. Maybe that's a good thing.
I losing chapters, places & people in my life. I know I can't replace them. I'm not even sure at this point if I can write new 1's. Maybe... I'll leave you with a videos of how I feel this day. You probably know the song. Listen to the lyrics.
Cya...
PS: Happy Birthday Donella, I'm sure you would've rocked your late 40's...
i met a boy
come dancing
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