Goodbye November...

This is it for the month.  November went was pretty much like the rest year, no surprise there.  I'm expecting December to be dubious as well.  It'd be great if it wasn't, but 2023 has sucked so far.  I doubt it'll perk up at the end.

Come Monday, we'll start 1st of the month stuff.  There are only 31 full days left in the year.  Here's hoping December isn't a crapfest.

I recently got news the youngest of my sisters passed.  She'd lived a very rough life.  There were a lot of issues due to her side of the family as well our mother.  Maybe the next time around she'll get a better life.  No one deserves this crap on repeat.

Goodbye November & take care.

Cya..

Trashy Day...

 

Since the garbage men didn't make their run last week, I've got twice as much trash to haul to the curb today.  As brisk as the air is, I'll probably wind up coughing.  Past that, we have all our normal midweek things to handle.

It's less than a month until the holiday.  Not a lot of time time left.  I'm sort of cheering to see 2023 leave.  Still, I wonder if 2024 is just watching & laughing, "So you thought that was bad, just wait til you see what I've got for you."

That's it for now.  I need to get around & get trash out.  Then we'll see what else we've got going on today.

Cya...

Looking Back...

 

I was looking back on my blog to see what I was doing on this day for the last few years.  It looks I was the same as today, not much.  There was an appointment with my former doctor.  Before that it was winding down November.

It's sunny this morning & that helps drastically.  There are a lot of things I wish I could say about my life.  The best I can say is I'm still here & that's about the extent of it.  For whatever reason I'm still on this ride.

That's it for now.  Time to make sure all the November stuff is handled.  There's less a month until Midwinter.  The time to shut this year is nearing.

Take care.

Cya...

Not Great...

 

I didn't expect November to be any better than the rest of 2023.  I also didn't expect it to be pecking at me the entire time.  It's been mostly little stuff, but it's been constant. 

I've not been doing that well & every time I try to take a step things happen.  Last night was OK, then the older cat made a break for it again.  The whole time I'm trying to find her, the kitten was following me.  She won't come if he's near me.   Still he was right on me & I got very frustrated with everything.  I'm tired of trying & getting nowhere.

Finally, after my nerves are shot, she shows back up.   Then this morning, the heater in my room starts acting up.  There's another to replace.

Each year past 2016 has gotten worse.  I'm expecting 2024 to be an utter shit storm.  Why wouldn't it be?  It's like nice things happen anymore.  At least ways not around me.

Cya...

Try As I May...

 

The best I can be about things at the moment is ambivalent.  I think I'm more honest in the mornings.  I'm not awake enough to put on the charade of the living.  I'm not looking to die, but living doesn't seem to offer much better options.  I'm not looking forward to anything & I haven't in a while.  

If I look forward, I only see things being worse off than they are now.  That's not a pleasant thought.  If I look back, I get depressed over things I've lost & bad decisions I made.   So, I try to stay in the right here & now.  Unfortunately, that's not easy.  We have to make plans months out.  We have to worry about upcoming events.   Then there's things like Youtube dragging me back to my teens.

The now's a hard place to stay.  I'm not saying the now is safe.  But, at least I might be able to do something about the now.  Then things start picking at the now.

I keep seeing people who got me through my childhood & teens getting older.  They're not those people.  In my head Cyndi Lauper looks just like she did when I saw her,  Fun Tour, on October 7, 1984 In Tulsa, OK at Mohawk Park.   It was the same weekend as OKon.  It was a fun, weird weekend with people I haven't seen in decades.

Now I see Cyndi & the reality sets in on me.  Yesterday, I saw the Marty Krofft had passed.   Him & his brother made my childhood a lot easier, happier & brighter.  At least he got to see the 1st Krofft Con.   I hope he heard Tra La La on the way out.  Goodbye Mr Krofft & thanks for all the laughs.

The future is depressing, the past is lost & the now is damned difficult.  Sometimes opting out seems very sensible.  Like the song says, stop the world. Don't worry about me, I'll be able to fake it all in a moment or so after a little more caffeine.

Cya...

Seasons Change Well, Me Not So Much...

 

A major issue I have with the time changes is they align with the change of the seasons.  I have enough problems losing the light.  When the seasons alter & the air, light & temperature shift I don't fare well.  In a few weeks, we lost over an hour of useful light.  The air is chilled & carrying leaf litter.  It's windier, darker, wetter & colder.  It's just gloomy & I don't want to be in a gothic romance novel.

The seasonal changes affect my mood, my energy & how I feel physically.  Sometimes I catch up to this, others I don't.   I'll have to wait & see if I ever get into this season or not.  I hate the dark of the year.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Last November Friday...

 

It's the Friday after turkey day also known as black friday.  There was a time not too long ago, that should've been capitalized.  But the day after Thanksgiving doesn't carry the same oomph as it did in days past.   Due to pre sales & the internet, black friday is just another sale day & mostly over by the time I go shopping. 

Our day went alright, not counting the city forgetting to tell us trash wouldn't be running.  The food was good & the company was as it ever is around here.   The highlight of the day was us.  Then again the low point was having to realize it was ever only going to be us.  I don't think we're secondary people for anyone anymore.  I'm not even tertiary.   People seem to occasionally remember my roomie is here & call.   The only calls I get are spam, medical or other bad news.  Besides that, the only person who calls me is my roomie.  That's just to tell me where she parked when we go shopping.

That was our day.  I hope everyone else's went well.  That's all for now.  Take care.

Cya...

Just Not...

 

For those celebrating, Happy Thanksgiving.  For everyone else, I hope you have a good day.  I'm not excelling at this holiday.  I tried, but I'm not thankful for much.  I have very little that isn't constantly challenging me & no I am not thankful for that.  I definitely did not need another cat, but I can't find anyone to take it.  Everyday seems to be a little reminder of how little I can actually do for myself or anyone else.  On top of that, people who should be there at least for my roomie, never seem to be when they're needed.   

As if I wasn't already in a crappy place, the town posted this morning, there won't be a trash pick up.  They could've done this anytime during the week.  But they waited until most people already had their trash taken to the curb.  That had to be hauled back.

I'll get the food together, but to hell with being thankful.  To everyone out there that has or would've helped me, thank you.  To everyone else, may you find the same as give.

Happy Food Day, not thankful.  Take care.

Cya...

Tuesday Happened...

 

Well yesterday was a thing.  We had a guest over & it was more than we're used to any more.  There is also a new kitten.  We'd heard it a few for a nights.  It's maybe 6 - 8 weeks.  It's obviously been near people, it wasn't afraid of us.  I doubt anyone's going to claim it.  I think they'd already be looking for it. Still trying to get it too settle down long enough to tell sex.  

Tomorrow's the holiday.  I hope it's whatever one needs it to be.  Take care.

Cya...

Dark Remainder...

 

The forecast calls for the remainder of the month to be mostly dark.  It'll either be overcast or rainy.  What a way to usher in the holiday season.  I'll never be a fan of this time of year.  There's too little light & warth & far too many shoes, blankets, heaters & layers of clothes just to keep from freezing. 

Well there's nothing I can do about any of that.  But I did start getting everything ready for the holiday dinner.  What needs to be thawing, is.  The rest is ready to go.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

Dark & Wet...

 

It's the day we go shopping.  So, of course, it's the that's really dark morning & stormy.  I don't mind rain, but I'm over the booming thunder, howling wind & bright lightning waking me up all through the night.  

We're as ready for the holiday as we're going to get.  Tomorrow, We'll take down things to thaw.  We don't have a big bird, so that will do.  This will be a simple holiday meal.  There's no need for a big fuss.  Neither of us is interested in all that.

That's it for now.  Maybe this rain will stop soon. Take care.

Cya...

Dim Morning..

 

The sun's out but the clouds are dimming the light.  It's supposed to rain later on & all tomorrow.  The holidays looks to be during a dark week, great.  Sorry we didn't order the dismal week, can we send it back?

There isn't much going here this morning & the articles were scant.  This is all for now.  Take care & may the holiday find in good tidings.

Cya...

Ready...

 

Everything has been gathered for the holiday meal.  I'll take things down to thaw soon & then the prep will be easy enough.  We don't do a lot any more & some of it's already happened.  My roomie likes the green bean casserole, but it's a bit much for us with everything else.  So we make it earlier in the month.  The dish is still had without overwhelming us.  Since it's just us, there's been a lot adjusting the holidays to suit us.  If we miss something, we can have it at another time.

That's it for me this morning.  Take care & I hope the holiday brings some joy to you.

Cya...

6 Days Until...

 

After today, there only 6 days left until Thanksgiving.  Whether you celebrate it or not, it's almost here.  I have most the stuff we need gathered.  I'll get the rest today.  Here we go again, another holiday season.  I'll try to get with it, no promises.

There's been a lot of things to not be grateful for this year.  The scales are leaning into the red.  I'll try to find the joy & a little fun.  The bills are paid, we have some Christmas plans, nothing's broken at the moment & some of the Winter birds are back.

That's it for now, I need to get around. Take care.

Cya...

Another Preventable Exposure Site...

This is irritating, but errors do happen.  That's why there should be means for retests & reexamination. This article states over 400 people at a Salem hospital could've been exposed to HIV & hepatitis due to poor performance handling equipment.

I'm won't go into much detail, it's in the piece.  At least they're offering screening.  This should never have happened.  It'd been a while since an occurrence this large was reported.  Medical facilities have got to getter protocol & means for handling their equipment & procedures. 

That's it for now.  Still annoyed by a hard sell job by  a Kinetic internet sales person yesterday.  I think the matter is handled.  Take care.

Cya...

ER HIV...

 

A a good place for HIV testing is an ER, ED or Trauma Center.  This brief piece is about using hospitals emergency departments to boost HIV testing.  This has been a topic for over a decade & still needs addressing.  

I was tested many times before I was diagnosed.  It was the late 90s & they were free places, so I don't know why I didn't test + before.  I was sick for a long time before I went to the ER.  There the test came back, HIV+.  Other than the ER, the only other option  in my area would've been the Health Department.   

Without the ER, I wouldn't have found out my status.  I'd been tested & trusted the previous results.  I hadn't been sexually active in between.  Either my last test was too soon to detect the virus or it was a false reading.   Either way, without the ER, I may have died before knowing.

Give this a read.  Take care.

Cya...

Adulting Sucks...

 

Being an adult can be a hassle at any point, even beyond the daily in & outs like work, paying bills & other drudgery.  Folks forget other adults are still people & have feelings that get hurt.  There's no age when you're beyond feeling slighted, deserted or devalued.  I think it's worse as an adult.  We've been taught having our feelings hurt is such childish thing.  It's not.  It never stops & never gets any easier.  We just try to get better at avoiding situations where it can happen.   Unfortunately for some of us, avoidance isn't any option or we ended steering clear of everything & we're left alone.

Then there are the holidays.  Even as a kid they can be stressful & full bad tidings.  As a young adult, when older family is still about is OK.  But then you have more responsibilities & are apt to fare worse in the gift department.  Your gift quota dwindles.  At 1st, it's alright.  You're an adult, you already have a lot of what you need & the rest you can buy anytime.  But the wonder of getting a gift starts to wane.  Then when you're older & families shrink, things get harder & there be no presents or get togethers.  It's just you with no presents, no gatherings & no wonder.  Adulting is a crap gig.

There's little upside to being an adult.  You've got freedom, sort of.  Without a lot of resources, you're going nowhere.  Without others, it's going to be a lonely ride.  Half the experience of journeys, seeing movies, going on rides is sharing the experience & memories with others.  When it's just you, it can still be fun, but it's not the same.

During the last few years, there's been a lot of hurt feelings in our home.  We didn't aim at each other.  Still a lot of things happened that grazed us & left their marks.  Every holiday season, my roomie asks me if I want anything & I can't think of anything.  Maybe it's been too long & I've lost that part of me.  It wouldn't be 1st bit of me to go AWOL.  

Being an adult is exhausting, boring, terrifying & not what we were led to believe.  The world sold us a false promise of liberty & opportunity.  That may be, if you're a rich sociopath, just not for most of us.  I know my adulting experience isn't as bad as others.  I don't have children or parents to tend to.  I can still basically function.  I have most of my needs met.  Still this is a sucky ride & I should never have got on it.

Adults are people & our feelings get hurt.  Half of us still can't see ourselves as adults.  We're looking for the person to take of this crap & then remember it's us.  It truly sucks.

Cya... 

Still Messing...

 

There isn't much in the articles this morning other than republicans screwing with funds.  They're having a tantrum over anything they don't want, including funding previously established HIV programs mostly started by republicans.  Even Trump pushed his on special way of ending of HIV.  Now these politicians are threatening these efforts to get what they want.  Conservatives are nothing more than stupid, violent brats.  

I guess we'll see how this plays out.  Too bad they can't all just die of being conservative.

Cya...

Another Sunday In November...

 

It's another Sunday & not much is happening.  I hope it stays that way.  Our drama so far this month has been the cat or my computer.   For the moment, both are handled.   

I don't have much to write on this morning.  Articles seem to be on pause, possibly due politics, holidays or both.  As usual, I feel fairly detached from it all.  

The neighbors leaving added to that.  On our side of things, we're the longest residing people near.  Most of these people have been coming & going every few years.   Some of the houses are empty & at least 1 is unlivable.  It's just weird & none it feels right.

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

November Saturday...

 

Here's another November Saturday & I'm hoping for no drama.  A computer update gave me crap for hours yesterday.  It's resolved.  I'm only somewhat sure of what resolved it.  There's no certainty on that matter. 

Past that, yesterday, was alright.  We got a bit of a surprise.  The neighbors have a for sale sign on their home.  They've only been there 5 years.  But since then they had another kid & went through COVID.  There's a lot of reasons they could be selling.  Including they don't like the house or neighborhood.  I can't even take that personally.  There isn't a lot here & some of the people can get loud at times.

Still it's another change.  I wish the best for them & us.  Hopefully whoever buys it won't be difficult.  The price escalation on that house is nuts.  Since 2010, it has been bought 3 times.  The house belonged to an older gentlemen who had passed.   

The 1st sale went for 16K after the house set empty for years.  The buyer was a slumlord & did halfass reinvations.  The roof & HVAC system he installed were subpar & have had a lot of issues.   After some renters, he sold it an near retirement woman for 96K in 2014.  It made her house poor, so she sold it in 2018 for 103K.  5 years later with the same realtor & no improvements the new owners are asking 160K.  The house & neighborhood are actually in worse shape then when they bought the place.  I think this might be a rough sell.  That's a 10X increase in 13 years.

That's it for now.  It's a Saturday & for now the PC is doing fine.  We might have new neighbors soon.  Not really happy about that.  Glad I wasn't invested in these folks.   

Take care.

Cya...

Grains Slipping...

 

It's the 2nd Friday of November. There's less than 2 weeks until Thanksgiving.  There are just 7 full weeks left in 2023.  

13 days until Thanksgiving

20 days until December

45 days until Christmas

51 days until 2023 is over

52 days until the New Year

All that is just 7 weeks & 3 days.  Not much time to finish whatever business you had left with 2023. I doubt much of it will be pleasant.  

We have our dinner plans for Thanksgiving ready to be cooked.  We have tentative plans with a friend for Christmas.  I say tentative because our plans have a way of going sideways when it comes to the holidays.

That's it for now, take care.

Cya...

 

 

Rain Day...

 

It's dreary & the forecast calls for a lot of rain today.  We could use the rain, but the dark is a bit much.  It looks like the unseasonal heat is over & we'll be back into more expected temps for November.

On a positive side, for the moment the entertainment industry strikes seem to be settled.  It could still be months before anything new is out.  At least it's a possibility now.  

That's about it for today.  It's dark & rainy.  The SAG strike is over.  There weren't any relevant articles.  We have no plans.  Take care.

Cya...

Offense...

 

Being offended at something seems to be the ticket to conversation these days.  I try not get offended at things since they weren't generally aimed at me.   However sometimes I wonder are these people really offended.  Maybe they're dealing with hurt feelings,  injured egos or a dissonances in expected realities.  

There's been a lot in the recent past that's bruised my feelings & my ego.  I'm usually not taken in by the dissonance, but the wasn't the case last night.   Last night I was offended or at least it felt that way at the time.

I was going to the kitchen & noticed how ridiculously dark it was outside.  Then I looked at the clock & it was just 6 PM.  For a moment I was just so offended.  How could it be this dark already?  It wasn't just evening dark either, it was pitch outside.  There was cloud cover, so the night sky was a void.  

I hate the early dark.  It's that way by 5:15PM now & will only get earlier.   After being used to have light till about 9PM, this isn't the loss of an hour, it's nearly 4.  On top of that even the morning light is also waning, no matter what the time trick says.

Depending where you are in the northern hemisphere, by Yule, the days will shorten to a brief  7 - 8 hours.  After MidSummer having between 15 - 16 hours of daylight.  That's half the light, no surprise people go nuts.  It's no wonder at the offense.

Technically, I wasn't offended.  There was no great moral or ethical outrage.  I was just caught of guard & surprised by the situation.  I can dislike the dark days, but I can't really be offended by them.  They aren't sentient.  This wasn't aimed at me.  So, I have no real offense with the dark days.  But, I do have plenty of hate.  I hates it forevers.

Cya...

Sentences...

 

Until the early 2000s, HIV was basically a death sentence.  When I was diagnosed in 2000, they told me to expect 5 years.  Due to advancements, HIV went from a death sentence to a life sentence.   HIV may not directly cause my death, but it has destroyed the life I had.  It is chronic & constant.   I will never not be +.

Chronic illness is a life sentence, no matter what the diagnosis.  It  is trying, exhausting, limiting & often embarrassing.  For most, the only way out of chronic illness is death.  Not a great option, but a lot of people choose it over living a life chronically ill.

Probably the biggest problem with be chronically ill is dealing with those who aren't.  Especially if your ailment isn't something they can see.  They can't be dealt with & won't react with reason or compassion.  They get angry, indignant & judgy.  They see your condition is an aggression against them.  

I don't have any answers.  You can try support groups.  That didn't work out for me, but it might for you.  The best I can tell you, is if at all possible, avoidance is the best policy.  If you know someone is going to react badly to your situation, don't indulge or humor them.  Don't confront them.  Don't justify yourself.  Just get away ASAP.  Sometimes you have to deal with these people.  All you can do is try to set limits & boundaries. 

There is no good news when it comes to chronic illnesses.  Sometimes, things come along that can help; better meds or therapies.  But you are still enduring a life sentence.

Cya...

WTF Long Dark...

 

I hate the 1st day after falling back due to the time change.  It was dark before 5:30 & by 7 PM it felt like the longest night of the year.  There's something about the dark this time of the year.  It's just so much more bleak.  There's more haze & cloud cover.  There's few stars shing through, so it's darker. 

Besides the light levels, it messes with my sense of time.  I felt like I'd been up forever last night before I went to bed.  I hadn't, it's just how I react to these fall backs.  Hopefully, I'll adjust to it.  I didn't the last few & my time has been really off.   

I wish they'd just leave it so we have more light later in the day.  I don't care about mornings, half the time they're overcast anyway.  Most people are rushing to school or work, so morning light wouldn't benefit as much as having it later.  But no one asked me.

Cya...

PS - The time change sucks.

The Dark Is Upon Us...

 

There shouldn't have been a fall back this year.  I was barely functioning as it was.  I woke up groggy.  It was too warm for covers yet not quite warm enough for none.  I hate this.  It'll be dark before 5:30 PM.  It's no wonder why people get weird this time of year.   They're at school or work from the dark of the morning until the dark of the evening.  There's little or no time in the sun.  People weren't meant for this crap.  I'd let go of every Winter holiday to get decide sunlight throughout the year.

For those of you who like this crap, yay... For the rest of us, the countdown is on, 126 days of this dark BS.  That should count as cruel & unusual punishment.

Cya...

Warmer Weekend...

 

It's a warmer weekend & we have nothing particular to do.  The crap time change happens tonight.   The dark of the year is officially on us.  For the next 126 days we'll have to deal with dark evenings.  I hate this.  To hell with the mornings.  Most of them, even during the Summer, were dreary, dismal crap.  This won't change that.  But a bunch of whiny morning people want this.  Morning people can't be trusted.  I'm convinced they're all either serial killers or conservatives.   Either way, they want to ruin your life.   Mornings will always suck.  Damned harbingers of whatever crap the day's going to throw at you.  So yes, the time change is here, oh just great.   There just isn't enough sarcasm or eyerolls to convey my disgust with that.

Cya...

November Bills...

 

It's the 1st of the month again.  This morning will be mostly shopping & handling bills.  Other than that, there shouldn't be much going on for us.  It was a little warmer yesterday, so there weren't any stoves on last night.   Made breathing easier, but the house was a bit chilly when I got up.  We flipped a page on the calendar & there were no appointments on it.  That was a nice thing.  

That's all for now, take care.

Cya...

Maybe That's All For Now...

 

In the past decade I lost a lot.  I lost my dentist & a couple of insurance companies that I actually liked.  My cable service downgraded us & we lost most of our stations.  Sometimes you choose to leave, some loses don't really matter, but some do.  

I liked my dentist & those insurance company loses made me scramble.  During this last year or so, there have been more serious losses.  I had to finally leave the mechanic shop I'd used for years.  Netflix shuttered it's DVDs.  I lost my regular doctor on telemedicine.  Now, my PCP doctor is gone.   

With the exception of the telemedicine doctor, I'd had those others for over 20 years & now they're just abruptly gone.  The mechanic should've happened sooner, but eventually there just wasn't a choice.  Change & loss can be difficult enough when you choose it.  When it's forced on you, it's rough.  I'm annoyed at the mechanic shop.  I'm angry about the doctor situation.  I'm still sort of heart broken over the DVDs.  They got me through a lot.  Now dvd.netflix.com just takes you to sappy "it's over" page.    Now add to that a video site I'd used since the 90s shut down, so long videoeta.com.  

They used to say for every loss, something new would come.  That's not true.  It's rarely happened for me.  If there was something new, I had to find it.   There is a new dentist, medical provider & insurance agent, but none of them are the same or what I wanted.  All time passing seems to mean is loss.  Oh you might gain some negatives or responsibilities, but doubtful, it'll be much of what you really wanted.  Talk about wanting to live for the day.

Cya...

Hello November...

Hello November.  It'd be really nice if things went smoothly.  October was all set to be an easy month, but apparently it just wasn't feeling it.  Difficult, trying, bad months are no longer in vogue, actually there quite passé.   Let's try to keep up.  

On to other matters.  My lab results for my thyroid came back & I'm to stay on the same regimen.  Today is trash day.  We'll check mail & maybe grab something to eat.  The 1st of the month stuff will start later in the week.  

That's all for now.  At least it's supposed to warm up a little.  This cold BS can leave for parts unknown.  Take care.

Cya...